Saturday, January 23

January 23, 2010: Up in the Air

So I'm still resting to insure that I don't relapse into my sickness. I want to make sure I'm ready to take the bull by the horns on Monday. I caught up on some reading, talked to a few friends, and watched a movie.

I've been meaning to watch Up in the Air  for a few weeks now, but haven't had time. My friend Paul saw it and has been dying to discuss it with me. Wasn't prepared for it to hit home quite so much. I really identified with both of the main characters in the movie. Ryan Bingham, played by George Clooney, and Natalie Keener, played by Anna Kendrick. I'm in the middle of these two. I'm not in my first job, but I'm not so settled in either. I still feel the naivety of Natalie's character, but I'm a bit jaded like Mr. Bingham. I can see the go getter persona, and the I know what I'm doing persona. I want to believe that my ideal mate is out there, but I'm more in the I'm likely going to have to settle camp. I realize that may be the jaded part of me talking, because anyone close to me knows that I'm a romantic at heart. I want to fall in love and have a great career, and do it all. I'm a great juggler, but I wonder if I'll ever get so jaded that I turn into Mr. Bingham, and when I finally do let someone in, am I just going to be there escape? Or worse yet, am I too much like Natalie, and I get emotionally involved with my jobs, so that I can't handle it when it gets hard. I just hope that since I'm choosing to move on in my life, that I'll find what I really love to do, and I don't end up being married to an airport or my suitcase. My heart broke for Mr. Bingham's character. I'm all for the travel, and the enjoyment of your work, but I hope I don't end up with an empty backpack and life like he did.

I think that's enough psychoanalysis for one night. Good night.

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