Thursday, February 18

February 16 - 18, 2010: All in the Family

So I'm cheating on the blog this week. I'm just too tired to write. I owe my mother and all my friends who are mothers to multiple children some serious props. This is some tiring business. I've been waking up early, making breakfast, getting kids ready for school, taking my mom to work, getting home, doing all the dishes from breakfast and unloading the dishwasher from dinner, working out, getting online and researching jobs and making calls to network, doing laundry, running errands, more job search, picking people up from school, making dinner, doing more dishes, helping with homework, entertaining children, running baths, and tucking kids into bed. By the time I sit down, I'm exhausted. I don't think I've ever been this tired. And to think that most moms do all of this while working ANOTHER full time job! I vote that all moms needs a personal assistant. My own mother told me that it's much easier when you "ease" into it. She explained that you aren't thrown into having a husband, and two elementary school children overnight.

So, after four days of research, I have one interview set up, and hope to get a few more set up next week. I'm helping my good friend Ralph move this weekend. He's moving into the gorgeous 1920s apartments that I hope to move into as well. It will be SO great to have a neighbor who is also a great friend. And I'll really enjoy having someone to cook for again! That has been the highlight of my week. Cooking. It's one thing I really enjoy, and never get to do. And my family is seriously appreciative and chows down my food every night. That makes me very happy. It's so rewarding to make a meal that 5 other people enjoy eating.

I promise to write this weekend. And I also hope that I have interesting single lady happenings to report. I promise not to be swallowed whole by suburbia. :)

Good night,

Miss L.A.

Tuesday, February 16

February 15, 2010: Soccer mom/Housewife, Day 1

So today was the beginning of a new adventure. One into a territory that I thought was in a very distant future. I was a bona fide soccer mom/housewife today. I wore my velour tracksuit and Uggs. I dropped off the kids in the carpool lane. I made breakfast. I packed backpacks. I did laundry and dishes. I waited on a repair man. I worked out. I helped with homework and shopped for groceries. I made dinner and ran baths. And then I collapsed. Man, moms have tough jobs. I just don't know if I'm cut out for staying at home all day. No human interaction. No reason to change out of your sweatpants. I think men must think women don't do anything all day because when they come home to a spotless house, they must think that it just always looks that way. WRONG. I gave my mom an extra hug when she got home. I finally sat down at 9:30, after being on my feet since 6:30 AM. That's worse than when I have an office job.

All in all, it was a rewarding day. It was nice to have people say thank you, and be so appreciative of taking the load off of the rest of my family. Dinner was so wonderful to sit around our table and be surrounded by my family. It's been a really long time since we've all sat there and been so happy. And it cemented the fact that this is what I've been missing all along.

Good night,

Miss L.A.

February 14, 2010: Happy Valentine's Day!

That's right, it's Valentine's Day and I'm smiling. And I'm single. I know that this day isn't a very good holiday. I know it's overpriced, commercialized, and a day that many people's expectations and reality never sync. But even after all I've been through, heck, even after my awful dinner last night, I still believe in love.

Today I got to spend Valentine's Day with the people I love the most, my family. And nothing says love more than your mom and sister clearing space in their closets for your clothes :) And my nephews made me valentines and gave me pink carnations. And when I called Paul and he wanted to know if he could be a candidate for my Valentine. I told him he won as my Valentine. That made him pretty happy. And it made me even happier to know that all that it takes for me to smile is a man answering the phone and saying, "I was hoping it would be you on the phone." I felt wanted. And that was the best gift of all. No cards, no chocolates, and no flowers (at least from someone I actually love.) Just a man who wasn't afraid to tell me that he's overjoyed every time he hears my voice. If that isn't what love is, then I might not know anything about it.

I hope you all had a fabulous Valentine's Day and spent it with people you loved.

~ Miss L.A.

February 13, 2010: driving, dinner, and the Big D

First, I owe an apology. I'm behind on my writing. I'm not really sure if I'm really apologizing to myself, but nonetheless, I've got a lot of catching up to do.

Saturday morning I got up, packed up all my belongings, cleaned James' house, and got on the road. I had a few snags with some bridesmaid drama before I got out the door, but thankfully that all got cleared up. Women. God help us all. I stopped at Michelle's house on my way to see her, and her precious family. A rare occasion when they are all together!

On my way to my parents', my friend JR called. He wanted to welcome me into town by taking me to dinner. How nice. So, I headed toward his place, and he took me to a great Italian restaurant. Dinner was nice, even with the Valentine's crowd, and we shared a great bottle of wine. So the entire time I'm thinking this is a completely platonic dinner. And then on the way back to his place to get my car, he makes a pit stop. And what arrives back with him? Roses. That's right. I was flattered, but taken back as well. And when we got to his place, he tried to kiss me. And I just didn't want to go there. And when I tried to play it off in some sort of save face manner, he got upset. Like he actually wanted to know how he could take me to dinner, get me flowers, and NOT kiss him. And then I did the unthinkable. I started to cry. It was like DB was standing in front of me. And using all of his old tactics to guilt me into being with him. And I tried to explain this to JR, and he just didn't get it. He even said that he shouldn't have to suffer the consequences when he wasn't the one that hurt me. And that's when I got angry. I just couldn't believe a man could actually think that past experiences aren't ever going to affect future things. It may not be fair, but that's just life.

Even after all that went down, I finally made it home, and still felt good about being there. I knew that right where I started was exactly where I needed to be.

Monday, February 15

February 12, 2010: Farewell, part 2

So Friday was supposed to be cathartic. Instead, it all seemed to be filled with tension. Not so much by me, but everyone around me. Meetings, requests, purging, no lunch, last minute phone calls, and goodbyes. At one point during my day, I had to actually stop and say a prayer. I had this overwhelming feeling that this whole thing was a huge mistake. Maybe everyone needs me because I'm supposed to stay? I literally asked for a sign. I never ask for signs. Not because I don't believe in them, but because those kind of blatantly obvious things don't happen to me. I'm pretty sure God is continually trying to teach me how to be still, listen, and just be patient. For one brief moment, he gave me the obvious sign I needed.

One of my firm's new clients has been coming in the last few weeks for meetings. I've been on the phone each time he's come in, but he's always been polite, said hello, and always remembers my name. I just recently realized how important that is to me. It's very flattering when someone who has only met you once, and even heard your name one time, remembers it the next time they see you. It makes you feel like you actually matter to others. So, this client comes in, and I've literally just prayed this prayer in the past 5 minutes. He brings in a package of stuff for this advisor, and then hands me a sticker. It reads, "I am awesome." At the bottom, it has his website. He explains that he heard me mention that I was moving to a new city, and he "just had this feeling" that I could use a reminder that I'm awesome. He goes on to wish me well with my move. He smiles, I say thank you, trying to pick my jaw up off the desk. When he leaves, I check out this website. I get chills when I read this story. It turns out he is a motivational speaker who's entire premise is to teach people to follow their dreams. He too made a huge life move, quitting his job to follow his passion. I'm reading the story, and all I can think is see, you are making the right decision.

Before I even realize, I'm emailing this guy back to share my story with him. I explain that I feel like I've been settling in my life and that after all the bad things that happened to me over the last year, I felt like I was wasting all my talents. I don't use them at work, I don't sing enough, I don't get to be there for my family, and I just felt stagnant. I spilled the fact that I want to sing more than anything in the world, and how I'll do anything to make that happen. I sold half my stuff, have packed and lived out of boxes, and I'm now moving back to the place that scares me the most because I feel like it's where I'm supposed to be. I thank this stranger for giving me a gift that may have seemed so insignificant, but gave me the courage that I've needed for months.

I send the email without hesitation. I don't expect to get a response, but I wanted to this man to know that he made my day. I go about my business and soon the phone rings. It's him. He calls to tell me that he is blown away by my email. He wants to talk to me more about my move, and asks if he can stop back by and give me a few more things. I am humbled, and agree. Again, for someone who has never even met me until a few days ago, his kindness is immeasurable. Just before it's time for me to leave, he drops in. T-shirt, pamphlet, DVD, and other tchotckes in hand, he shares more of his story. He thanks me again for the email and asks me to keep him posted on how things go. I'm inspired. I am elated. I feel blessed and on the verge of something great.

After he leaves, I say my goodbyes to my coworkers. It's bittersweet. I know that I will be missed, and I'll miss many of these people. I know we'll stay in touch, and I hope that they know just how much they meant to me, supporting me over the last two years. I receive many well wishes, and then leave. It was a liberating feeling to walk out the door. Not knowing what was to come, but excited for the ambiguity.

Off to pack the rest of my things, eat dinner with the girls and watch Valentine's Day, the movie. After a exhausting day, I finally crawl in bed for a good night's sleep for my drive tomorrow. Ready to hit the road of the next adventure.