Saturday, January 23

January 23, 2010: Up in the Air

So I'm still resting to insure that I don't relapse into my sickness. I want to make sure I'm ready to take the bull by the horns on Monday. I caught up on some reading, talked to a few friends, and watched a movie.

I've been meaning to watch Up in the Air  for a few weeks now, but haven't had time. My friend Paul saw it and has been dying to discuss it with me. Wasn't prepared for it to hit home quite so much. I really identified with both of the main characters in the movie. Ryan Bingham, played by George Clooney, and Natalie Keener, played by Anna Kendrick. I'm in the middle of these two. I'm not in my first job, but I'm not so settled in either. I still feel the naivety of Natalie's character, but I'm a bit jaded like Mr. Bingham. I can see the go getter persona, and the I know what I'm doing persona. I want to believe that my ideal mate is out there, but I'm more in the I'm likely going to have to settle camp. I realize that may be the jaded part of me talking, because anyone close to me knows that I'm a romantic at heart. I want to fall in love and have a great career, and do it all. I'm a great juggler, but I wonder if I'll ever get so jaded that I turn into Mr. Bingham, and when I finally do let someone in, am I just going to be there escape? Or worse yet, am I too much like Natalie, and I get emotionally involved with my jobs, so that I can't handle it when it gets hard. I just hope that since I'm choosing to move on in my life, that I'll find what I really love to do, and I don't end up being married to an airport or my suitcase. My heart broke for Mr. Bingham's character. I'm all for the travel, and the enjoyment of your work, but I hope I don't end up with an empty backpack and life like he did.

I think that's enough psychoanalysis for one night. Good night.

January 22, 2010: Legal talk

Going on day three of being sick. Very ready to rejoin the ranks of society. I slept again today until my fever broke and then struck out trying to come up with some ideas about where exactly I want my life to take me next. I've been considering law school as an option, so I spent some time today researching schools and deciding when I should take the LSAT. I've decided that I'll take it, see how I do, and then decide if I'll apply to any schools. I wouldn't even consider going until 2011, so I've got some time to think about my options. I'm still looking for new careers, considering my singing, and what other talents I have that I really enjoy and could utilize in a career. That's ultimately what I want. A career. I'm tired of jobs. Jobs that just pay the bills, that pass the time. I want something that I can grow in, that can utilize my intelligence, my gifts, my passion, and my desire to make this world a better place. Maybe I just dream big, but I feel like I can attain those things. Maybe it's the medicine head talking, but I hope that I'll find it soon.

Good night.

Thursday, January 21

January 21, 2010: rest and recover

So I was once again confined to the house today as I'm still contagious with strep throat. I slept on and off throughout the day, only to read or watch a bit of a movie when I was awake. I've had ice cream and gatorade for the last two days and could really use some actual food pretty soon. I'm going to work tomorrow no matter how I feel, so let's hope I can make it through my meeting with the CEO in one piece. Hey if the meeting turns nasty, maybe I can just hope that they catch strep from me :)

One of my dear friends Paul called to cheer me up this evening, and we chatted until I was too tired to speak. Paul and I have been friends for five years. He lives in the East, and we've had a long and at times complicated relationship. Paul and I met on a dating site when I first graduated from college. The membership was a gift from my parents as they thought I could use some help meeting people after I moved to a new city. Somehow Paul and I got matched even though we live in different parts of the country. We emailed, talked, and finally met about a year into our friendship. There is definitely chemisry there, but neither of us could ever imagine moving that far to give us a real shot. He's so incredibly dear to me. He makes me laugh, he's intelligent, opinionated, loves his friends and family, he loves his routines, and he apologizes to no one. He tells the best stories of anyone I know. In a perfect world, we'd definitely give it a go, but I'll settle for his friendship anyday. I can't imagine a day going by without talking to Paul. He was pretty sick last year, and for a while I was worried. I even considered flying up to be with him for a major surgery he went through. I'd do anything for the man, but I don't think he will ever know how much I care about him. In my heart I just hope he knows.

So after our conversation, I went and appropriately medicated myself with my various prescriptions in order to get a good night's sleep. I'm ready for a relaxing weekend. I'm going to concentrate on rest and the job search. Let's hope that this time next month, I'll be settled into a new city with wonderful possibilities and beginnings waiting for me.


Miss L.A.

P.S. I also added a few items on my blog. I added a link to donate to the Red Cross for the Haiti disaster. These people's lives are worse than any of the poorest people in our own country. Please consider giving anything you can afford. Every little bit helps.

I also added links to support my family members who've lost or are currently battling cancer. My aunt is currently undergoing treatment for Ovarian cancer. This is a hard disease to discover, so read up ladies. Knowing the symptoms could save a life.

Colon cancer research is also a cause I really support. I've lost my grandfather, an ex-boyfriend, and a dear friend's mother to this disease. If you have a history, get a colonoscopy done. Encourage anyone you know over 50 to get this done yearly. You might save their life.

I've lost too many people in my life to cancer. I hope that we find a cure in my lifetime. Just remember that whatever you can do helps. Please leave me a comment if you'd like anymore information about these causes.

I'll climb off my soap box now. Thanks for listening!

Wednesday, January 20

January 20th: The two best ladies and one sore throat

So today my two favorite women of all time were born. My mother (Madre) and my sister (Sis). I am so gratefu to have such amazing women in my life. I wish they lived closer, but I'm hoping that will soon be the case.

I was really hoping to call and serenade them with their usual birthday song, but alas, I've come down with strep throat, and I'm home sick. My blog post won't be all that exciting today as I'm feeling pretty wretched.

The one thought of the day I'll have is this. I've come to realize that most people in this world have no idea how to be sympathetic, and they only think of themselves. Now I realize that as a single woman, I often think of myself. However, if you ask most of my friends, they'll usually say that I'm the most loyal and giving person they know. I'm happy to invite you over, lend you things out of my closet, or help out when a friend is sick or just plain lonely. I still love snail mail, and I send cards for very small reasons. That being said, I've realized in the business world that no one wants to be kind unless they want something from you. Even when I was at work today with a 100 degree fever, my boss wanted me to go pick up his lunch. When I explained that I was sick and waiting for my doctor's appointment, he promptly went and asked someone else, and proceeded to bribe her by buying her lunch. Did he even offer to pick something up for me even though I was sick? No. And did I order his lunch and get everything ready for his meeting? Yes. But I guess that's just the way some people work. I'm done expecting people to be kind, even when you feel like complete and utter crap. I think some people enjoy seeing others down. It makes them feel like their life isn't so bad. The sad thing is that my life, even with strep throat, is better than most of my coworkers will ever be. Why? Because I approach my life with wonder, joy, love, hope, and awe. And most of the people I encounter harbor hate and bitterness, and have become so hardened that they've lost the ability to care for others. No matter what happens to me, I know I'll never become that way. So, even though I can't sing, there is a song in my heart that will never die.

Buono Notte,

Miss L.A.

Tuesday, January 19

January 19th, 2010: Hell is gonna freeze over

Sometimes I wonder why people underestimate me. I quickly realize it's because I so often hold back that they never see all the cards in my hand. For instance, at work I'll get asked a question by a coworker. Sometimes I'll instantly know the answer, but I'll act like I don't so I don't come off as a know it all. Or when my boss is trying to calculate numbers, and I do the math in my head, but punch it out on the calculator, because I don't want him to know that I'm smarter than he is. Why do I do that? I shouldn't let stereotypes define who I am. So, from now on, I'll show my cards proudly and exclaim just how much I have to offer.

The reason I had these thoughts was that once again, my favorite coworker, Donna, decided to rain on my parade. She's much older than I am, divorced, and bitter at the world. I think she's so incredibly jealous of my life, that her ultimate goal is to be as mean and hateful as possible to me. She acts like an incredible know it all, even though she's wrong 99% of the time. But who's counting? I finally just let it go and went about my business. I've written her nice emails, brought her coffee, gotten her a birthday card, but all to no avail. She's just going to stay bitter. I guess by now it just suits her.

So the CEO and CFO of my company finally decided they have time to meet with me, and our meeting is scheduled for Friday morning. Joy. Now I'll hopefully have some answers and closure will be in sight. It is safe to say that after all of that I was very glad for the day to be over.

I headed home to get ready to meet my old friend Benson for dinner. Benson (Ben) and I grew up together, attended the same high school and college, and he now is an attorney where I live. We've been meaning to catch up since the holidays, but haven't had time. I wanted to get some advice from him about Law, as I'm considering law school as an option of what I might want to do with my life. My dad is a former attorney, and since I'm always being told that I'm "just like him," it seems like a feasible option. I also really enjoy debating, so it may be a good fit. Ben and I met for drinks and dinner and caught up on family and friends. He listened intently and gave me great advice. He told me he thought I'd make an excellent attorney, and asked thoughtful questions. We laughed and had a grand time as usual. And then that's when it happened. Hell froze over. You see, Ben is a confirmed bachelor. He's the guy that's always said he'll never get married. He's incredible intelligent, funny, confident on the border of being cocky, and an all around great guy. He's as wild as they come, and loves following his own rules. But apparently he finally met his match. He announced that he is getting married, and couldn't be happier. My jaw literally dropped. I'm just so happy for him, because I think this is the happiest and most content I've ever seen him. I decided right there that if Ben can finally settle down, and give up his bachelor pad, and his wild side, that NOTHING is impossible. He gave me a great speech about finding love, and how it hits you in the face, and that he hoped that one day very soon we could sit down again, and I'd be giving him the same great news. What a nice thing to say. He told me I deserved it, and for the first time in a long time, I actually believed him.

I've come a long way baby. :)

Good night.

Monday, January 18

January 18th: MLK day

While most of my friends and family had the day off, my office was open and very busy today. Our CFO told me she wanted to meet with me this week to discuss my job transition, but 'will let me know when she has an opening.' At that rate, I may have to wait another month to find out the future of my job, and when I'm officially being laid off. I found plenty to do, and began clearing out my desk so that I won't leave anything to sort through once I do actually leave. I think that's the nicest thing I can do for my coworkers since they'll be absorbing my duties.

I got home and did some dishes, returned some calls, and then decided to get in a good workout. It's been a while since I've hit the gym. I've got a really bad ankle that I had surgery on a few years back, and I re-injured it a few months ago and haven't been able to work out in some time. It was a great feeling to sweat and work off some steam. I rewarded myself with a good dinner and hot bath, and I'm going to get to bed early. Let's hope tomorrow is a great Tuesday. I'm already anticipating the weekend.

Good night.

January 17th: Half way to 29

Woke up with a splitting headache. Note to self, don't drink quite so much the next time I go out with the boys. Had to revamp quickly as the NFL playoff games were starting early, and I had a party to attend. Got over to MJ's house just in time for kickoff. In true Southern fashion, I arrived with snacks and alcohol. My mother raised me right after all. I quickly settled into the game and after a little hair of the dog was as good as new. Even though the game didn't have the outcome I would have liked, we had a great time eating delicious smoked ribs, and all the trimmings. We played a game of football in the backyard afterwards, and only had to send the boys over the fence three times for the ball. It was quite hilarious to see them try to charge the fence on their way back over. They complimented me on my receiving skills, and toward the end of the game, I had a nice spiral pass going on. All in all, a great Sunday afternoon.

After the game I came home and relaxed with some of my favorite shows from the week, a good meal, and went to bed early. It was a fantastic weekend.

January 16th: The G Bar

Saturday started off very productive. I did ALL my laundry, updated my resume, searched for jobs, and did some cleaning. I took my sweet time getting ready, even giving myself a full salon quality blowout for my hair. I put on a good outfit, and hit the door to meet up with two of my best gay friends. Brad & Doug met me at our local movie diner to watch Leap Year, have a few pints, and eat dinner. It's so great that you can get waited on while you watch a movie. I wish I had come up with that idea. Genious.

So after the movie we decided to hit up the new gay pub in town. This place was my dream come true. An Irish pub complete with huge plasma TVs showing sports games, right next to Beyonce music videos. It's any female sports fan's ideal. They poured huge delicious cocktails, and there was plenty of eye candy to behold.

After a few drinks there, we decided to hit up our favorite club. We got there early, (before midnight in this club scene), so we were able to grab a few drink specials. Imagine a pristine white room. White bar, white floor, white chandeliers, even white TVs. Think Whitney, Madonna, Britney, Alicia, Fergie, Beyonce ALL NIGHT LONG. I ran into several of my other friends, and it was great to catch up with them. I danced, and danced, and danced. Free drinks were coming out of the woodwork. I'm not exactly sure why gay men love me so much, but they do. If I'm having self esteem issues, this is the place to go. I was showered with compliments. Girl, I love your top. Dang diva, you are looking fierce. God sure must have loved you to give you such amazing boobs. :) The list could go on and on. I made some great connections, and left feeling on top of the world. As for the next morning, well my head was aching, but it was so worth it.