January 4, 2010

First day back at work for the new year. It was a great reminder of why I've set out to change a few things in my life this year, work being one of those things. I work in the business world, and there were some marked staffing changes at the end of 2009 that greatly affected my duties at work. These changes essentially eliminated the job I was hired to do. So, now I go to work and receive a mish mash of tasks befit for a high school student, and that bore me to pieces. I have literally felt my brain cells evaporating as I sit at work and complete these mindless tasks. I'm just praying the right door opens soon enough that lead me to where I need to be.
And so I find myself asking what it is I exactly want to do. The answer always comes back to my true passion, music. You see I'm a singer. I have no idea why I was chosen to be given such a fantastic talent. I don't deserve it. But the only reason I can see if so that I can bring joy to other people. I sing about love, faith, sorrow, and every emotion the human heart can feel. It's how I get through my life. You'll never get into my car without a song. I sing my way through road trips, and life. Some people tell me that I'm crazy that I want to sing for my career, but I just don't think that God gives people talents like this if they aren't supposed to use them to their full potential.
The problem is that I often feel torn about where the path toward music will lead me. Should I love closer to my family and try for music there? Should I throw caution to the wind and move to Nashville and go for my dreams in the country music industry, or do I follow my heart to be with Wes and see where the music leads there? There just seem to be so many options, and I'm scared that I'll make another poor choice and end up disappointed like I was so much in 2009.
I've gotten advise, I've prayed, I've listened, and I guess it's time for me to be patient. I guess I just feel that I'm running out of time and need to make a choice about where I should move soon. I'm not sure that I'll have a place to live in a few weeks and so my choice may come down to what makes the most sense financially.
If sometimes decisions weren't so tough, but I guess that's what makes life so interesting. Oh delicious ambiguity.