A new decade

I am officially 30. It was a weird feeling waking up this morning and realizing that there was a new number at the front of my age. And as much as I had dreaded this day, when it arrived I embraced it with ease, and I'm starting to feel really happy about it. Perhaps it's because I feel like I'm getting a fresh start, like my life if just beginning. I opened my email this morning and found some mail from Allison, my BFF/college roommate. She sent me a "belated" card, even though we had celebrated the weekend before when I went to see her/the hubs. What I found was the sweetest thing. I've attached it below. I read the first few lines and started tearing up; half way through the tears were streaming.

On top of this note, my friends did so many wonderful things. Like the fact that my other BFF not only made me a lovely homemade dinner and birthday cake, but she had her three-year-old son sing to me. And when that wasn't enough to make me cry, she wrapped a gift for me to open every day of my birthday week, beginning with chocolate covered pretzels and Diet Coke, which we snacked on all the way to Cape Cod, Mass the summer of 2000. We claimed Wilson Phillips, "Hold On For One More Day" as our theme song, and to this day it always brings a smile. And tucked inside every gift that I unwrapped this week was another sweet note about how this would be the best decade yet. 

At dinner on Saturday, my friends showered me with laughter, drinks, fajitas, balloons, cake, and so many lovely gifts, including tickets to see Adele in October! I feel so incredibly blessed to begin a new phase of my life when I know that I am surrounded by so many people who are in my corner. (Even a phone call from Big couldn't bring me down!)

On Sunday, my actual birthday, I went to see Harry Potter and cried through most. It all seemed so poetic. I started reading HP in 2000; that year I started University as Harry started at Hogwarts. At the end of the movie/the books, he embarks into adulthood/life after Voldemort, closing several chapters in life. At the same time, I'm closing my twenties and hoping to embark on my next journey. It was bittersweet. I of course wish there was more Harry, but I look forward to sharing it with my children. 

Last night, Marie gave me a leather wrap bracelet that is inscribed with the perfect Bible verse: 

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

This verse, and the encouragement of all my friends and family will carry me into my thirties. I have a feeling that if the last week is any indication of what's to come, it's going to be amazing!

Cheers,

The Battle of Loneliness

It's been one of those weeks. I think I've probably done a little too much thinking the past few days, but the only thing I could think to do was write about it, so here I am. It's hard for me to write on my blog sometimes, because I am scared of being too honest, but right now I just need an outlet for my real feelings, because I don't know if I've actually spoken those in a long time.


I think a lot of these feelings started when I moved in early 2010. Or if I'm really being honest, I think they started when I went through a terrible relationship back in the summer of 2009. I ended up breaking things off with a guy that completely ripped my world apart. And after that, I convinced myself that I was so ignorant for not seeing any of the red flags. I was stuck in a pattern of settling. And I started to realize that I had let the very act of settling, or the inability to say no seep into every area of my life—my job, my friends, my family. And I've been slowly reevaluating and cutting the bad spots out, one by one ever since.


Another recent change that may have triggered these feelings is that  I began working from home a few months ago. I literally go days at a time without seeing anyone that I actually know. I have a significant amount of time on my hands to think about my life, and what really matters to me. The thing is, it's gotten to be a very short list, and that frankly makes me very sad. I've always been an extremely outgoing person with many friends. I've realized that I have very few people who actually know me, the real me. I started to think about the people in my life who I truly love, and how much I really matter to them. I know there will likely be a lot of naysayers who read this and say, "Oh, everyone loves you." And yes, I know that people love me. But there is a difference in saying you love someone and actually feeling that you are loved and are important to others. 


So I started thinking about my real friends; the ones that really do love me for exactly who I am. The ones that will hang out with me in sweats and no makeup and have a glass of wine—or it's not a big deal if either of us pop in for a visit unexpectedly.  The ones that I have tough, honest conversations with. Many of my "friends" were just people from my past that don't really know anything about me anymore. In spite of this realization, I've continued to try to be open to my friendships, but it's left me feeling very lonely and made me take some very long hard looks in the mirror. If others don't know me, do I really know myself? 


The part of this journey that's been the hardest is that I'm not trying to permanently cut anyone out of my life or be malicious. I'm definitely not trying to make anyone feel like I don't care. It's just that because I'm a giving/loyal person, I've just felt empty lately. I can't be a half-friend; it's not in my nature. And because I had so many friends in my life, and never questioned what kind of relationship we actually had, I gave 100% to everyone. I ran out of giving. And I told several people this, and it wasn't well received. People felt like I was keeping score, or that had high expectations. And I wasn't trying to imply that at all. I just wanted my friends to see that everyone has a threshold. After the last few years, I've definitely reached mine. And I just need to fill up my tank for a while so that I can continue to be the kind of person that I know God wants me to be. The giver, the girl who always calls on your birthday, who sends cards, who takes last-minute road trips for important events, who will craft crazy things for your party/wedding/ baby shower, who volunteers for things, accepts most invitations even when I'm tired, and who wants to enjoy every moment of life. 


The other complicated piece to this puzzle? I understand that everyone has busy, complicated lives. Most of my friends are married, have kids, mortgages, successful careers, relatives all over the globe, and many hobbies. And I'm so happy for them because of these things. I just also realize that because they are so busy, that I can't expect the certain things from them. They are busy giving too. If I want to talk to one of my closest girlfriends, I have to worry about interrupting dinner, bath time with the baby, or that I'll wake their sleeping husband. Because of all of these changes, I deeply miss having someone who I have a real connection with. And I'm incredibly lonely—I said it—the word that I hate to say. But I am. I long to have that kind of love and fulfillment in my life that many of those around me have. 

Since Big and I broke up, I've had this gaping hole. I can't think of who to call with good news, bad news, or just random news; he was that person. I think about him all the time. We've talked a little, but I know that it only makes it harder for me to let go of my feelings for him. And when he calls on the day of his big fundraiser, it just makes me want to scream, "Why me? If I'm so important, why can't you just give us a real shot." Or I wish he'd say, "move to the East Coast." These are unrealistic thoughts. And I'm trying very hard to not think them anymore. I keep them to myself and I pray to God. And I know that only He can fill that hole, but it would also be nice if I could just stay busy enough that my mind wouldn't reel at times. 

I've also struggled with identifying with my friends. Part of me thinks that I've just assumed that everyone is  just like me for so long that I didn't realize that some of my friends and even people I meet are closed off from the world. And so when I try to talk to them, share with them, or do something that I think is helpful, they see it as the complete opposite. Some people find me overbearing. I'm honestly not trying to be. I'm just a genuinely friends person. And then things just get awkward. I keep hearing that life will continue to get easier with age, but I find myself questioning when that moment will come. When will I have the discernment to see these differences in others? 


For now, I'd really just like to meet some new people so that when I  really need to get out of the house, or get extra tickets to events, I can actually come up with someone to ask. I went to two large social events this weekend all alone. And even for someone who likes to talk, that's really scary. I stood at one event for almost an hour before anyone spoke to me. And when I tried to talk to people, they gave me looks like I was bothering them — or worse, that they felt sorry for me.


For now, I'm just hoping to kick some of this loneliness to the curb, and I'm hoping that my recent introspection will help me be a better friend, and know much earlier when it's just not going to work. I'm also hoping that I can feel God's reassurance that I am a lovely, wonderful woman, and that I don't need worldly confirmation to know these truths. 


On a final note, I know that this posts likely sounds like a pity party. I'm not asking for pity. I know that everyone feels like this sometimes. By all accounts I have nothing to complain about in my life. It's just that if you don't feel loved in your life, what do you have?


Cheers,

My very preppy, second guest post

So I was incredibly honored to be asked to guest post on my good friend, F.E. Castleberry's blog, Unabashedly Prep. Check out my post here: http://www.unabashedlyprep.com/site/entry/adirondack-chair/

This blog is everything I wish my blog was AND more. F.E., aka Fred, has done a fantastic job developing this blog, and I'm inspired by his creativity and passion for fashion and all things prep everyday. Fred and I have been friends for longer than either of us would like to admit, and I'm just glad he'll be seen with me in public at this point. :)

Please check out his blog and look for more future guest posts by yours truly.

Cheers,

29 and fabulous ...

So Saturday was the beginning of what I'm declaring as the best year of my life. I had the absolute best birthday in recent memory. The day began with crab frittata, bellinis, and 3 of my favorite ladies, Joy, Marie, and baby Catherine. Shopping, a margarita, and getting my house ready for the party rounded out the day. My BFF Ally drove in from out of town and brought lemon blueberry cupcakes made from scratch. It doesn't get much better. I had dinner with a small group of close friends including Marie, Nicole, Ally, Sawyer and my favorite neighborhood wine bar. We went back to my adorable new casa to have cupcakes and a signature cocktail of raspberry vodka and lemonade. I was overwhelmed by how many of my friends, old and new, came out to celebrate the last year of my twenties. I truly feel blessed. I know that I made the right decision by moving back "home".

And what would one of my posts be without a little update about the men in my life? First, there's Mr. Big, formerly known as Paul. It has been decided that Paul most candidly represents the famous leading man from my favorite show SATC. If I could get paid for every time I'm compared to Carrie Bradshaw, I'd be a rich lady. I do love to write about my love life, what can I say? Big made several leading comments that he might appear on my doorstep for my birthday, but in true Mr. Big fashion, he simply changed his RSVP on the Evite from a maybe to a no, the day before. I was disappointed, but I've learned in true Carrie fashion, to never get your hopes up, til he walks through the door, from out of the rain.

Then there is George. He's an old friend come college who I ran into at the gym about six weeks ago. He lives in my neighborhood, and we've been enjoying each other's company. He came out for the big birthday celebration after working all day building a fence. Not only did he meet all my friends, but he bought them drinks, and flirted shamelessly with the birthday girl. Never a bad thing. We'll have to see where that goes.

Last but not least, there is Will. We met through mutual friends, and went to the same college. We have a gaggle of things in common, but alas he is leaving for vacation for several weeks abroad. He was getting ready for his big trip, and couldn't make it to the party, but took the time to let me know that he was sorry to miss the party and how much he is looking forward to getting to know me. Will and I have a pretty interesting story already, being that just a couple of weeks after we were introduced by our friends, we were matched on eHarmony. (Yes, I took the leap and joined eHarmony.) After much nudging from a dear friend who has had success, I decided to give it a try. So far, I've just begun getting to know a few men, but it's refreshing to meet men who actually seem to be ready for a relationship.

I truly believe that this is the beginning of a phenomenal year. And I'm honored that so many of you are joining me on my journey. Here's to 362 days until I begin the next decade of my life. I plan on going out on top.

Also, here's a picture from the big day.

Cheers,

March 12 - 24: Rules of Engagement

So I've finally gotten some time to write again. It's well earned, as I think I've gone on more adventures in the last two weeks than I have in years. I celebrated, cried, ached, laughed, smiled, dreamed, wrote, and reflected over the last two weeks.

A few highlights:

• Ally & her fabulous beau, Weston, got engaged! It was a wonderful surprise and such a sweet way to kick off these last two weeks.
• Enjoyed a picnic, complete with perfect 70 degree weather and flip flops.
• Drove 1,400 miles and saw some of my very favorite friends & family.
• Visited Mississippi for the second time in one year. It still feels like home.
• Held the hand of someone I loved while they went through a difficult cancer treatment.
• Ate the most delicious home cooked Southern meal. (And I didn't have to fix it!)
• Saw some of the most beautiful mansions, and then the most poor sections of our nation.
• Nailed two job interviews.
• Won a music audition to become a finalist to sing at a HUGE sporting event.
• Saw Lady Antebellum in concert.
• Went to the rodeo, and saw way too many cute cowboys.
• Kissed a man I love.
• Felt lonely for the first time in several months.
• Watched a wonderful woman bury her husband of over 60 years.

Like I said, it was a busy two weeks. Those were just the highlights. There were many conversations, long stretches of belting out songs in the car, sleeping on couches, and packing and unpacking in the midst of it all. I sit here tonight, about to embark on a new chapter. I am finally about to get a new job. I'll be moving into a new place, and putting down roots. I'm happy, but I've been missing my friends lately. I like living here, but there are times when I still feel like my heart might be somewhere else. I've been trying really hard to be patient and wait to see what happens. I may be on the brink of something fantastic. My band might come together soon, and I might be able to start making a living with my singing, or maybe I'm about to meet the man of my dreams.

I know that lately men have frustrated me to my wit's end. Paul, Wes, Pete, Blue, & James. They ALL boggle my mind. I feel like I've entered a period where men just think SO hard about what they want that they just sit around and wait for it to come to them. Chivalry may be dead. I'm the woman, but we're in an age where women can be equal to men in work & life. But in dating, men are still supposed to be the pursuers. I want to be chased. I want to be wanted. I feel like that's a lost art on men today. They've forgotten how to be gentlemen. What happened to phone calls, and letters. It's text messages and emails, and rescheduling via iPhone calendars. I'm a modern woman, but desire a man who will pick me up, bring me flowers, and tell me how nice I look. Especially when I spent 2 hours getting ready. Alas, I digress.

All that being said, I'm ready for 2010 to be my year. I'm long overdue for some really fantastic things to happen. My four best ladies are all embarking on exciting journeys this year, and I'd like to join the pack. If I have to take life by the horns, so be it. I'm ready. I'm forewarning you all. I might not be the "nice" Miss L.A. along the way. I may have to get a little dirty and play hard to get. It might be the best life tactic that I've practiced yet. So, let the race begin.

Ciao,

February 20-26, 2010: The best is yet to come!

So I'm going to have to cheat again and write about my last week. It's crazy how little time I have to write these day with job searching, meeting up with old friends, carpooling, cooking, errands, etc. Suffice it to say it's been a fantastic week. Highlights include:

• Getting offered a gig to perform at a theater in my hometown. A paid singing gig at last!
• Receiving a call about a fantastic job at a non-profit to work in publishing again!
• Cooking dinner with my nephews.
• Meeting several great women who live in my area.
• Finding and applying for several jobs that I'm very excited about.
• Seeing my mom and sister everyday.
• Hanging out with my college roommate, Leigh, and getting to laugh like old times again.
• Eating at my favorite pizza place with Ralph and other friends.
• Singing more than I have in years.
• Working on getting my set list together for music gigs.
• Getting in touch with so many old friends via Facebook and other networking.
• Being excited about waking up every morning to a new adventure.
• Talking to Paul on the phone and really investing in our relationship.

Overall, this week has been fantastic. I've had a bit of a head cold, but it's been so great to feel like things are really coming together. I'm so excited to see what is going to happen in my life over the next few months. So far 2010 is shaping up to be the best year of my life. Yay!

Ciao,

Miss L.A.

February 19, 2010: Funkytown

I didn't think I'd make it to Friday. What a week. I was glad to finally be able to get out of the house for a bit. I headed to Ralph's Friday night to help him run errands and pack. We hit up a great taco joint for dinner, even though I wasn't exactly dressed for dinner. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but Ralph is always dressed to a T. I guess when you writea style blog, you have to be.

After we scarfed down some dinner, we headed back to pack. It was so great to hang out with this guy again. We laughed and caught up on life. This guy still cracks me up after 14 years of friendship. After a few hours of packing, we decided to meet up with a friend for a drink to take a break.

We headed out at midnight, a rare feat for me as of late. We got to the bar, and immediately felt old. It was loud, young, and the music was not our taste at all. I looked around, and saw all of these college kids who just seemed to live in a different time than I do. We had a couple of drinks, chatted, and decided to call it a night. As we're walking back to the car, Ralph informs me he is hungry. At 1:30 AM. And so we hit up the taco joint for the second time to grab some chips & queso. I felt like I was back in college eating this late, with all the hungry drunk kids. It was a lot of fun. We laughed at some of the drunken behavior we saw at the late hour.

After a long day, I finally headed home to get a little sleep. It was rough knowing that I had to get up in 5 hours. I knew that my nephews would come bounding in early, so I had no problems falling into bed and into sleep immediately. Excited for a great Saturday.

February 11, 2010: Farewell, part 1

Thursday flew by at work, and soon I was sitting at happy hour, with many of my closest friends, saying goodbye. The whole evening was surreal. It just didn't seem like this was the end of my era here. Six years have flown by so fast. As I looked around the table, I realized that I'd made friends for a lifetime. I thought about those who were missing, and how many people had gotten me to this place in my journey. I thought of my BFFs, Ally, Lauren, Alex, and Michelle. Two of them were able to be at dinner. Two have lives elsewhere, but I'm lucky enough that they all live in the same state, and so I can see them, even after I move on a regular basis. These four ladies have all entered my life at different times over the last fourteen years. They all mean so much to me, and sitting there at dinner, I felt so humbled to be surrounded by such amazing people who loved me enough to brave freezing temperatures, and downpours to wish me well. I wrote Alex & Lauren a card to tell them each how much they meant to me. When Lauren read it, she cried. I nearly joined. And as we all hugged and made it know that this was not "goodbye", just a "see you soon," I put on a brave face and got in my car. And I listened to music and pondered on my drive home. I got pretty choked up as so many memories came flooding back. I was happy, but tears soon began streaming down my face. I'll always remember my time here fondly. Who knows, maybe one day life will lead me back to this place. For now, I'll choose to be hopeful, and that a year from now I'll be surrounded by old friends and some new ones. I'll have settled in, and even though I won't replace any of these wonderful people, I'll have new places to eat on Sunday nights, and someone to call and go to the movies with on a moment's notice. I will embrace the ambiguity of what is to come. It's scary & exhilarating all at once. Tomorrow is my final day here. I'm determined to make it a good one.

Good night,

Miss L.A.

January 28, 2010: 'Twas a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

I have to start this post out by talking about someone else's day. Because even though my day wasn't great, my dear, dear friend experienced the worst pain of life, losing a child. Kate and I have been friends for twenty years. She's a person I've looked up to since the 4th grade. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's witty, and she's the sweetest spirit you'll ever meet. She has the most rock solid faith of just about any woman I've ever met. She lost her baby today. The sweet angel was born and lived for two precious hours on this earth. When I got the news my heart just broke. I can't imagine how she and her husband must feel. It's a helpless feeling to see your friend in pain and not be able to do anything to repair it. I've been praying for sweet Kate all day today, and I will hold her and her sweet baby in my heart always.

Needless to say even after I had an awful morning, hearing that news gave me some perspective. I know that all things, no matter how bad they seem can always be worse. And for whatever reason things happen, they do, and you can't let the bad things keep you down. When you're broken, you can't stay broken. You've got to put in some effort to glue the pieces back together.

And so I sit here broken. I'm broken from my relationship that turned into a terrible web of lies. I'm broken from the impending loss of my job. Broken from the fact that all too soon I'll be leaving my city to move back home to be closer to my family. Broken from the fact that I feel like I've lost most of my friends because it seems like bad news follows me around. I hate calling anyone anymore because I just know that they think, Gee, I wonder what else could have happened to her now? Deep down I hope that my real friends don't really feel that way, but my insecurities repeatedly make me feel otherwise. Ultimately, I'm ready to share some good news. Even though I'd say I'm happy, I want to be back to the old me that couldn't ever stop smiling, who always had her glass half full, and who was the ultimate optimist. I miss that version of myself. I haven't seen her in a while and I'm ready to put her back on display and make sure she never leaves again.

So, it's time to pack all the baggage up (literally and figuratively) and get back on that path. I'm ready to see what's around the next bend :)

Ciao,

Miss L.A.

January 19th, 2010: Hell is gonna freeze over

Sometimes I wonder why people underestimate me. I quickly realize it's because I so often hold back that they never see all the cards in my hand. For instance, at work I'll get asked a question by a coworker. Sometimes I'll instantly know the answer, but I'll act like I don't so I don't come off as a know it all. Or when my boss is trying to calculate numbers, and I do the math in my head, but punch it out on the calculator, because I don't want him to know that I'm smarter than he is. Why do I do that? I shouldn't let stereotypes define who I am. So, from now on, I'll show my cards proudly and exclaim just how much I have to offer.

The reason I had these thoughts was that once again, my favorite coworker, Donna, decided to rain on my parade. She's much older than I am, divorced, and bitter at the world. I think she's so incredibly jealous of my life, that her ultimate goal is to be as mean and hateful as possible to me. She acts like an incredible know it all, even though she's wrong 99% of the time. But who's counting? I finally just let it go and went about my business. I've written her nice emails, brought her coffee, gotten her a birthday card, but all to no avail. She's just going to stay bitter. I guess by now it just suits her.

So the CEO and CFO of my company finally decided they have time to meet with me, and our meeting is scheduled for Friday morning. Joy. Now I'll hopefully have some answers and closure will be in sight. It is safe to say that after all of that I was very glad for the day to be over.

I headed home to get ready to meet my old friend Benson for dinner. Benson (Ben) and I grew up together, attended the same high school and college, and he now is an attorney where I live. We've been meaning to catch up since the holidays, but haven't had time. I wanted to get some advice from him about Law, as I'm considering law school as an option of what I might want to do with my life. My dad is a former attorney, and since I'm always being told that I'm "just like him," it seems like a feasible option. I also really enjoy debating, so it may be a good fit. Ben and I met for drinks and dinner and caught up on family and friends. He listened intently and gave me great advice. He told me he thought I'd make an excellent attorney, and asked thoughtful questions. We laughed and had a grand time as usual. And then that's when it happened. Hell froze over. You see, Ben is a confirmed bachelor. He's the guy that's always said he'll never get married. He's incredible intelligent, funny, confident on the border of being cocky, and an all around great guy. He's as wild as they come, and loves following his own rules. But apparently he finally met his match. He announced that he is getting married, and couldn't be happier. My jaw literally dropped. I'm just so happy for him, because I think this is the happiest and most content I've ever seen him. I decided right there that if Ben can finally settle down, and give up his bachelor pad, and his wild side, that NOTHING is impossible. He gave me a great speech about finding love, and how it hits you in the face, and that he hoped that one day very soon we could sit down again, and I'd be giving him the same great news. What a nice thing to say. He told me I deserved it, and for the first time in a long time, I actually believed him.

I've come a long way baby. :)

Good night.

January 17th: Half way to 29

Woke up with a splitting headache. Note to self, don't drink quite so much the next time I go out with the boys. Had to revamp quickly as the NFL playoff games were starting early, and I had a party to attend. Got over to MJ's house just in time for kickoff. In true Southern fashion, I arrived with snacks and alcohol. My mother raised me right after all. I quickly settled into the game and after a little hair of the dog was as good as new. Even though the game didn't have the outcome I would have liked, we had a great time eating delicious smoked ribs, and all the trimmings. We played a game of football in the backyard afterwards, and only had to send the boys over the fence three times for the ball. It was quite hilarious to see them try to charge the fence on their way back over. They complimented me on my receiving skills, and toward the end of the game, I had a nice spiral pass going on. All in all, a great Sunday afternoon.

After the game I came home and relaxed with some of my favorite shows from the week, a good meal, and went to bed early. It was a fantastic weekend.

January 10th, 2010

Rick and I got up this morning and went to breakfast. He wanted me to show him around the city, so I drove him to all the famous landmarks in the city and showed off some of the great architecture in the neighborhoods. I was impressed with how well I could get around. I guess after six years of living in the same place, I'm pretty good at navigating the back roads.

After the drive we decided to go catch another movie. We saw Youth in Revolt. Wasn't sure if I was going to like it, but it was a really intelligent film, and quite funny. I laughed out loud at some of the lines, and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't a film full of 'stupid' humor.

After the movie we came home to relax for a bit. Rick showed me some of the pictures from his deployment overseas and we both took a cat nap.

Sunday evening we headed over to Alex and James house to watch James brew some beer. He built a kegerator out of a deep freeze and cut and stained wood mounting to the sides. He attached vintage keg taps and turned this freezer into a work of art. I was very impressed with all the work that he'd put into it. The beer was very tasty, and we had a great time chatting and hanging out. Alex and James recently got engaged, and are two of my dearest friends. I'm very excited for them. They are so in love, and over the four years of our friendship, I've seen their love grow for each other. They have the kind of relationship that I hope to have one day. I know their wedding will prove to be one of the highlights of the year.

After a wonderful night of beer, apple wine, and good conversation, Rick and I headed back home so I could get a good night's sleep to start my week. I'm sad that he must leave tomorrow, but I'm glad we finally got to catch up after all these years.

January 9th, 2010

Saturday was a great day. Began with introducing Rick to a local hole in the wall for breakfast, then quick trip into Walmart to grab some gear for our sports' event for the evening. We then headed to see Avatar. It was clearly a popular choice as we had to sit on the front row for the movie. It was definitely an anti-war, green statement film. I really enjoyed the special effects and the music, and overall it was a great movie. I'd like to go see it again in 3-D, but I'll be sitting in the back to enjoy it next time. It was so graphic that sitting up close made me dizzy.

After the movie we headed over to L&G (Lauren & Gene)'s house. They are some of my closest friends. I was in their wedding a few years back, and they are always so sweet to have me over for dinner a few times every month. We piled in the car and headed to the sports' bar to watch the NFL playoffs. My other dear friend Alex met us at the bar. Lauren, Alex and I chatted about Alex's upcoming wedding and we drank and had a good time while Rick and Gene discussed the war in Iraq and Rick's recent deployment. Our team won, so most left in high spirits. We headed home and were in bed again by midnight.

The best part of getting a little older is that I can go out, have a good time, get a good night's sleep and wake up hangover free. Here's to a great Sunday!

January 8th: Old friends are the best

Well after writing a novella in my last post, I got a little behind on my posts for the last few days. I've had company in town for the weekend. My oldest friend, Rick, was in town this weekend. We're three weeks a part and his parents are my god parents.

Friday was the day he arrived. After a good day at the office, I picked him up at the airport around 9 and we headed out to eat dinner. We laughed and caught each other up on life and decided we were old after finishing one margarita and feeling too tired for another. We headed home around 11 and called it a night. It was a great feeling to be with him and to know that even after not seeing each other for eight years that we could pick up right where we left off.

January 1, 2010

Since I wanted to kick the new year off on a high note, I headed out of town to see my best guy friend in a neighboring city for New Year's Eve. I really wanted to spend the last night of 2009 with someone who loves me almost as unconditionally as my mom does, and this man, who I'll call Wes, fits the bill completely.
Wes and I have been friends since the 6th grade. He's charming, handsome, smart, funny, wildly successful, and so eclectic. He's single. But he doesn't date. He'd be gay if he could bring himself to commit to a relationship, but can't, so he just doesn't have any romantic endeavours. He tells me that I'm the only person he'll truly love. I'm his "constant". He wants to marry me, but I find myself asking whether or not I'd be settling.
Wes is my "soulmate" if I even believe in such a thing. We compliment each other perfectly. We challenge each other. We rarely fight, but when we do it's because there is serious passion in our relationship. I'm just not sure if the chemistry would ever work. Sometime I wonder if it would be easier for me to marry Wes. I love him, and he's my best friend, but is that enough? For now, I've just decided to let it go and let things unfold. I know God will give me the answer eventually.
Even with all the uncertainty, we had a truly great evening. We hung out with one of my college friends at a prom-themed party and rung in the year with party hats, confetti, champagne, and, after 10 years of waiting, our very first kiss. (and yes, there were sparks!)
This morning we headed to the Jewish deli for Challah french toast, and bagels with lox. Yum. A great first meal for the year. I watched the Rose Parade, a little football, then headed back to my city. Went to a New Year's Day party in my neighborhood this evening. We ate some amazing potluck of dishes, played washers in the backyard, talked about our resolutions, and planned our next get together. It was so great to be surrounded by so many friends and feel so loved to start the new year. If it plays out like the first 22 hours, I'll be in great shape and be very happy. Here's to positive thinking! Good night.