The Adventure Continues

So, I suppose that the first post that I write after I quit my job to write full time should be on an enlightened topic. I could write about the "easy way" to start your own freelancing business, how to get the gumption to walk into your boss's office and quit your less-than-stellar job in corporate America in chase of  "the dream." I could tell you that working for yourself is exactly like in the movies. Adorable casual clothes, coffee shops, all the time in the world to do your laundry, look perfect for every outing, and send all your friends birthday gifts on time.

If I wrote about all of those things, I'd be lying.

The truth is, that April 15th was my last day of work in corporate America -- for now. I don't think I publicized much how much I hated my job, but I worked as an insurance adjuster, dealing with injuries from car accidents. For those of you that know me, it was likely the most ill-suited career I could have ever chosen. I just can't do glass-half-empty all day. I need passion and creativity, something that was seriously lacking, even while on the office Events Committee. And so, I quit.

On the morning of April 18th, I woke up and went to work in my new office, my dining room. So far, working from home has been interesting. I did a lot of leg work. I got all new office equipment, including a brand new MacBook Pro laptop. It's lovely. The first few days flew by because I had quite a bit of work to do. It's the days that aren't so structured that are a bit odd. Like when I wake up and don't have any assignments from my clients, so I spend my entire morning searching for new work, doing research on writing, and brushing up on AP vs. Chicago Manual of Style; or I spend two hours comparing health plans. And then I find myself feeling guilty for having time to listen to the Fashion 140 conference online, and being able to throw myself completely into some guest blogs that I wrote.

The thing that I wasn't prepared for was all the alone time. I've lived out on my own for the last 12 years. I've had roommates at some points, and lived alone at others. I really don't have any problems spending time alone; that is until I was doing that very thing 24 hours a day, seven days a week for weeks at a time.

The last few days I've started to get a little stir crazy. I've started to doubt myself. I think, "do I really have what it takes to be a full-time writer? Do all my friends and family think I'm crazy? Are they secretly just waiting for me to fail and come crawling to them for help?"

I know these thoughts are ludicrous, but you get a LOT of time to think about your life when you don't have physical contact with the outside world. I mean, I go to the gym, and have dinner with friends, but I've never spent so many large chunks of time with myself. And I'm starting to think that having this much time to think when I'm in the last few weeks of my twenties is possibly a bad idea.

I've always been an over achiever. I set extremely high standards for myself, and I'm pretty self-critical. When I was twenty years old, I thought I'd be living in NYC and working at a big magazine by now. Or I thought I might be in Nashville following my dream of singing. If anything I thought I'd be in a serious relationship, and possibly married. I never thought I'd be single, living in Fort Worth, Texas, having just quit my job, and essentially starting my career from scratch. Over the last few months, I just felt like my life was heading in a direction that just didn't make any sense to me. The more I prayed about it, the more I felt like I was supposed to start over again. I sincerely believe that God doesn't give people talents that he doesn't want them to use. In my heart of hearts, I think He wants every person to use every bit of talent they've been given. Because of that belief, I'm hoping that this bout of loneliness and doubt will pass quickly. I know there is an extremely confident women lurking inside me who just knows that big things are on the horizon. It's one of those "heart vs. head" moments. I just don't know which one will win this round.

In the mean time, I'm recommitting to my blog again. I will share my life's adventures with the few people that choose to read it. And for those of you that do, I really appreciate it. I know that even if no one reads it, it's the most therapeutic thing in the world to me. At the end of each victory and set back, I can come here and relish in how far I've come from even a year ago. And that in itself keeps me going.

Cheers,

A New Adventure

Every teenage girl dreams of what she'll be when she "grows up." I've dreamed of seeing my name on a magazine masthead since high school. I would devour every morsel of each issue of In Style as it arrived in my mailbox; I quickly became addicted to the smell and texture of the glossy pages. My love for one magazine grew into two, three, and soon I was subscribing to upward of twelve magazines at any given time. If you asked for my vices, the check out line at the grocery store would top my list — I rarely leave the line without a shiny publication in hand. I received a B.A. in English from my beloved University, and I hit the pavement to find my dream job. After applying last-minute for a publishing institute in NYC and being wait listed, I settled for an editing job at an educational publishing company. A mere four years later, I got laid off. I sat befuddled at the young age of twenty-six; I was back at the drawing board, staring into the face of unemployment. I could not, would not, swallow my pride and move home with my parents. And so, I updated my resume and landed a new job.

Over the last four years, I've held jobs that were just that, jobs. They were not something that I in any way enjoyed. They were a paycheck, a means to an end. And slowly, I lost a little bit of what I loved most about my life; having a career that gave me real fulfillment. And so I started this blog. And after that, I began writing and editing for friend's blogs and other projects. I began rebuilding my portfolio and I've begun applying for actual writing and editing positions again. So where does the high school dream fit in? It finally came true! Since the entire point of this blog was that I would actually pursue my dreams, a friend asked if I'd like to edit and write a little copy for a start up magazine in Dallas. I kindly accepted, and enjoyed every minute of my assignments. They liked my work so much that they called to tell me that I will officially be listed on the masthead as a Contributing Editor/Copywriter. My little heart skipped several beats, and I was actually speechless. For those of you that know me, that's a rare occurrence. And so, the magazine went to print today, and I can't wait to share it with all of you. Even more importantly, I'm beyond excited to continue my writing and editing ventures for the upcoming issues. I know that the best is truly yet to come. Watch out world, L.A.J. is back in business.

Cheers,

February 20-26, 2010: The best is yet to come!

So I'm going to have to cheat again and write about my last week. It's crazy how little time I have to write these day with job searching, meeting up with old friends, carpooling, cooking, errands, etc. Suffice it to say it's been a fantastic week. Highlights include:

• Getting offered a gig to perform at a theater in my hometown. A paid singing gig at last!
• Receiving a call about a fantastic job at a non-profit to work in publishing again!
• Cooking dinner with my nephews.
• Meeting several great women who live in my area.
• Finding and applying for several jobs that I'm very excited about.
• Seeing my mom and sister everyday.
• Hanging out with my college roommate, Leigh, and getting to laugh like old times again.
• Eating at my favorite pizza place with Ralph and other friends.
• Singing more than I have in years.
• Working on getting my set list together for music gigs.
• Getting in touch with so many old friends via Facebook and other networking.
• Being excited about waking up every morning to a new adventure.
• Talking to Paul on the phone and really investing in our relationship.

Overall, this week has been fantastic. I've had a bit of a head cold, but it's been so great to feel like things are really coming together. I'm so excited to see what is going to happen in my life over the next few months. So far 2010 is shaping up to be the best year of my life. Yay!

Ciao,

Miss L.A.

January 13th, 2010: Time to move on

So work seemed to go on as usual, until my boss called me in this afternoon. She informed me that because both of people that I had done marketing for in the past had quit, they would be transitioning my position out to lesser duties. They are essentially making me a receptionist at work with "other duties" and are giving me time to look for another job. They are very aware that I'm overqualified and too easily bored to answer the phone all day. And so, my job search continues. And I had a bit of a meltdown about this evening. I decided that after being laid off from a job in 2007, that 3 years seems to be too soon to have gone through 2 more jobs. It just seems like I should have accomplished more by now. I should be singing more, be married, be in a long term career. I don't own a house, I can barely scrape by, and I don't have a job that I'm passionate about. This is one of the many reasons I chose to write this blog. I want some of those things. I want passion. I want to have something to show for all my hard work. I don't want to be broke anymore. Poor maybe, but not broke. So I'm hoping that this wild goose chase that I'm on leads me to a great place. I can't handle another meltdown like tonight. I don't own stock in Kleenex, but maybe I should rethink that. I've gone through so many boxes in the last year that I likely kept them in business in my city :) So, no more tears. Happy thoughts from now on. And be ready and willing to accept help that is offered to me. It might not be offerred more than once.