February 12, 2010: Farewell, part 2

So Friday was supposed to be cathartic. Instead, it all seemed to be filled with tension. Not so much by me, but everyone around me. Meetings, requests, purging, no lunch, last minute phone calls, and goodbyes. At one point during my day, I had to actually stop and say a prayer. I had this overwhelming feeling that this whole thing was a huge mistake. Maybe everyone needs me because I'm supposed to stay? I literally asked for a sign. I never ask for signs. Not because I don't believe in them, but because those kind of blatantly obvious things don't happen to me. I'm pretty sure God is continually trying to teach me how to be still, listen, and just be patient. For one brief moment, he gave me the obvious sign I needed.

One of my firm's new clients has been coming in the last few weeks for meetings. I've been on the phone each time he's come in, but he's always been polite, said hello, and always remembers my name. I just recently realized how important that is to me. It's very flattering when someone who has only met you once, and even heard your name one time, remembers it the next time they see you. It makes you feel like you actually matter to others. So, this client comes in, and I've literally just prayed this prayer in the past 5 minutes. He brings in a package of stuff for this advisor, and then hands me a sticker. It reads, "I am awesome." At the bottom, it has his website. He explains that he heard me mention that I was moving to a new city, and he "just had this feeling" that I could use a reminder that I'm awesome. He goes on to wish me well with my move. He smiles, I say thank you, trying to pick my jaw up off the desk. When he leaves, I check out this website. I get chills when I read this story. It turns out he is a motivational speaker who's entire premise is to teach people to follow their dreams. He too made a huge life move, quitting his job to follow his passion. I'm reading the story, and all I can think is see, you are making the right decision.

Before I even realize, I'm emailing this guy back to share my story with him. I explain that I feel like I've been settling in my life and that after all the bad things that happened to me over the last year, I felt like I was wasting all my talents. I don't use them at work, I don't sing enough, I don't get to be there for my family, and I just felt stagnant. I spilled the fact that I want to sing more than anything in the world, and how I'll do anything to make that happen. I sold half my stuff, have packed and lived out of boxes, and I'm now moving back to the place that scares me the most because I feel like it's where I'm supposed to be. I thank this stranger for giving me a gift that may have seemed so insignificant, but gave me the courage that I've needed for months.

I send the email without hesitation. I don't expect to get a response, but I wanted to this man to know that he made my day. I go about my business and soon the phone rings. It's him. He calls to tell me that he is blown away by my email. He wants to talk to me more about my move, and asks if he can stop back by and give me a few more things. I am humbled, and agree. Again, for someone who has never even met me until a few days ago, his kindness is immeasurable. Just before it's time for me to leave, he drops in. T-shirt, pamphlet, DVD, and other tchotckes in hand, he shares more of his story. He thanks me again for the email and asks me to keep him posted on how things go. I'm inspired. I am elated. I feel blessed and on the verge of something great.

After he leaves, I say my goodbyes to my coworkers. It's bittersweet. I know that I will be missed, and I'll miss many of these people. I know we'll stay in touch, and I hope that they know just how much they meant to me, supporting me over the last two years. I receive many well wishes, and then leave. It was a liberating feeling to walk out the door. Not knowing what was to come, but excited for the ambiguity.

Off to pack the rest of my things, eat dinner with the girls and watch Valentine's Day, the movie. After a exhausting day, I finally crawl in bed for a good night's sleep for my drive tomorrow. Ready to hit the road of the next adventure.