The Fabulous Life and Times of Miss L.A.

New directions

2011-11-19T16:13:00.000-06:00

So, after some pondering, I'm thinking of taking my blog in a new direction. Less personal information, more creative inspiration. I've decided that it's tough to write about other people in your life, when at times you may not feel like sharing with others.

So, I'm going to ponder over the holidays, and figure out how to pull off this revamp. Wish me luck!

Cheers,

Wonder Woman complex

2011-11-04T11:47:00.001-05:00

I haven't written on my blog in a while, but after the week I've had, I'm going to write today. Warning: this is not a nice post. These are all of the things I'm not supposed to say.

I'm a people pleaser. I'm not sure exactly where that falls into my religious beliefs, but after 30 years, I don't think I'm going to change that. So what do I mean? I have a hard time saying 'no.' I commit to social events, to volunteer, to take on extra work, bake something for a potluck, organize and host parties, be in weddings, pick up mail/water plants for neighbors, support kids at sporting events, and take care of friends' kids or pets. People joke that I'm Wonder Woman. For the record, I do not feel like this lately.

Now, I love doing all of these things, but it's partially because I don't like letting people down. I rarely ever sit down and relax. I'm sure all of the moms that read this blog are likely say, "Well, I do all of those things." Great, I get it, you have kids and you likely laugh at my little old life. I'm happy to say that your life is harder. I don't have kids, but I've been saying yes to everything since I was old enough to make decisions on my own, say like 7th grade. That's approximately 17 years. I think I need a break.

Here's the problem, and the point where I feel like I'm being selfish, a characteristic that I despise in myself. I just don't know if I want to live up to please everyone else anymore. I am so incredibly loved by everyone around me and that makes me so happy. But I'm scared I might not meet everyone's expectations anymore, and that I'm losing my self a little because I'm not doing what I want.

And to top it off, my friends really do miss me. I miss them terribly, too. I'm crazy busy with work, and I'm so poor I can't really afford to go out like I used to. Not getting a regular paycheck is hard. Not getting a pay check for nine weeks is brutal. And it takes such a long time to recover from that when you aren't a trust fund baby :)

And not being a trust fund baby leads me to the most shallow reason I feel like I'm not Wonder Woman: my looks. I seriously enjoy looking put together. I like fixing my hair, putting on makeup, and wearing a cute outfit. Lately, I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I quit wearing makeup and cute clothes because I never have a reason to put them on. Now all I see is this girl who's given up her dreams of working in fashion/music, and who feels like I can no longer have my cake and eat it, too.

I think I'm just overwhelmed with so many changes. And these are all the things that I'm feeling in my head and can't say aloud to anyone because people would tell me that I was crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Perhaps that's why I'm a singer and a writer. I feel things more deeply than other people.

All I know is that as exciting as all of this is, it's equally nerve-wracking. I just want to know that I'm going to succeed. I don't have to be happy every step of the way, but that I need assurance to know that I'm strong enough to please God, others, and myself.

Cheers,

A new decade

2011-07-18T16:57:00.000-05:00

I am officially 30. It was a weird feeling waking up this morning and realizing that there was a new number at the front of my age. And as much as I had dreaded this day, when it arrived I embraced it with ease, and I'm starting to feel really happy about it. Perhaps it's because I feel like I'm getting a fresh start, like my life if just beginning. I opened my email this morning and found some mail from Allison, my BFF/college roommate. She sent me a "belated" card, even though we had celebrated the weekend before when I went to see her/the hubs. What I found was the sweetest thing. I've attached it below. I read the first few lines and started tearing up; half way through the tears were streaming.

On top of this note, my friends did so many wonderful things. Like the fact that my other BFF not only made me a lovely homemade dinner and birthday cake, but she had her three-year-old son sing to me. And when that wasn't enough to make me cry, she wrapped a gift for me to open every day of my birthday week, beginning with chocolate covered pretzels and Diet Coke, which we snacked on all the way to Cape Cod, Mass the summer of 2000. We claimed Wilson Phillips, "Hold On For One More Day" as our theme song, and to this day it always brings a smile. And tucked inside every gift that I unwrapped this week was another sweet note about how this would be the best decade yet.

At dinner on Saturday, my friends showered me with laughter, drinks, fajitas, balloons, cake, and so many lovely gifts, including tickets to see Adele in October! I feel so incredibly blessed to begin a new phase of my life when I know that I am surrounded by so many people who are in my corner. (Even a phone call from Big couldn't bring me down!)

On Sunday, my actual birthday, I went to see Harry Potter and cried through most. It all seemed so poetic. I started reading HP in 2000; that year I started University as Harry started at Hogwarts. At the end of the movie/the books, he embarks into adulthood/life after Voldemort, closing several chapters in life. At the same time, I'm closing my twenties and hoping to embark on my next journey. It was bittersweet. I of course wish there was more Harry, but I look forward to sharing it with my children.

Last night, Marie gave me a leather wrap bracelet that is inscribed with the perfect Bible verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This verse, and the encouragement of all my friends and family will carry me into my thirties. I have a feeling that if the last week is any indication of what's to come, it's going to be amazing!

Cheers,

Justice

2011-07-05T21:16:00.000-05:00

I try to keep social commentary off of the Internet, but I'm going to share this with everyone. I already posted a few comments on various Facebook posts, but these are my feelings about the verdict today for Casey Anthony. One caveat, I did happen to grow up with a defense attorney for a father.

Honestly, I agree with the jury's verdict. People can yell at me all they want, but based only on the evidence presented to the jurors, the prosecution failed to show that she was guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. There was too much circumstantial evidence and the burden of proof could never be fully placed on one person. I hope that one day the truth comes out. In the mean time, the person (or people) that were responsible for that baby's death have to live with their guilt for the rest of their lives. And even if by some chance Casey didn't kill her daughter, she'll have to live with the fact that she didn't report her daughter missing for 30 days. If she had, her daughter may not have died. Guilty or not, the general public views her as a murderer, and her life will never be normal. She will likely never get a job, have real friends, or have anyone who genuinely cares, believes, trusts, or loves her, which may be even worse than dying.

Bottom line, if you were ever charged with a crime you actually didn't commit, you'd be glad that the checks and balances of our legal system were in place. Justice isn't only served when people are found guilty; it's served only after a fair trial. I would be very scared to sit on trial in front of a jury of my peers based on the general public reaction to this trial. It's understandable to be sad for Caylee. It's just that so many of these cases don't get this kind of media attention, and no one bats an eyelash when someone is wrongly convicted. Our legal system has flaws, but I'm hoping that if more people cast their verdicts based on the burden of proof that these flaws will drastically decrease. Ultimately you can't find someone guilty based on emotions or assumptions. If that were the case, there would be a lot of innocent people in prison.

Goodnight,

13 days...

2011-07-05T00:11:00.000-05:00

So for many people, the idea of an impending birthday isn't a big deal. Some shrug it off, some revel in the excitement of party planning. I usually throw myself into the planning as a distraction, but as a writer I'm a natural over thinker. I over think the average event, such as which type of toothpaste to buy. (No, seriously, I sometimes read the labels on five boxes before I make a purchase.)

So at each birthday, I turn all thoughts inward and reflect on the last year of my life. You can imagine then, that as I close in on finishing an entire decade, I've expanded my usual week long diatribe into a full month. In some senses, I'm attempting to overhaul my life. I've been reading a book called Turning 30: How to Get the Life You Really Want. It's actually a really great read, and I wouldn't just recommend it for people with a big birthday looming. It's helped me determine the state of my life and what I really want out of it. So far the book has really helped put perspective on things, and I'm realizing that these feelings are very natural. Apparently most people go through this phase sometimes between the ages of 28 and 32. According to the book, most adults start to take life a little more seriously, or they try to milk out the remnants of their youth before they really have to "grow up."

Then there are people like me who start to question which side of the fence they fall on. I had a list of goals that I wanted for myself. I wanted to graduate from college. Check. I wanted to get my Masters degree. Nope. I wanted to have a stable, successful career. 50/50. I wanted to do what I love, 50/50. I wanted to be in a successful relationship. No check. I wanted to be considering or have started a family. No check. I wanted to own a house. No check. I wanted to have my debts paid off. 85/15. I wanted to have a better relationship with my family. 50/50. I wanted to take a vacation to a new place at least once a year, even if in the U.S. No check. I wanted to feel like I had given my very best to everything that I did. 50/50.

I look at this list, and I imagine my "ideal life" and it doesn't measure up. And so I've gotten really down on myself. I don't dwell on my past. In fact, for some of the things I've gone through, I miraculously rarely think about them anymore. It's just when I get into the writer's mode that I can't help but reflect on what lessons I should have learned, what things I would have done differently, and how I'm going to implement these lessons into my life going forward.

So, what am I going to do? I want to start thinking more about my words. That seems like a very simple place to start, but the things that come out of my mouth, my blog, my tweets, my Facebook, and my actions, ultimately represent how others see me. I want to be positive. I want to be the sunshine version of Miss L.A. that I ultimately know I am at my core. I want to leave this world a better place. I want to count my blessings of what I have, and not focus on what I'm lacking. I want to celebrate small victories, and do more for others, and stop apologizing. I want to read my Bible more often and pray more. I want to be a Godly woman. Because ultimately, I know that if I'm living the life that Christ would have me live, I know the next decade will be even more than I can imagine.

Do I want all of the things I listed above? Yes. I'd of course still love to have a put together life. I just know that God didn't put everyone on this Earth to be perfectly put together. He made some of us a little more messy and beautiful. He gave some of us louder personalities. He blended us all together in every color, nation, tribe and tongue so that we can wonder at his infinite imagination, creativity, and love. Because if He can love the people that are hard to love, why can't I? I'm hard to love. Why? Because I have flaws. And I sin. And I push people away, and I lack trust, and yet so many people still love me. And so as I embark on this new decade, I want to choose love. I want to choose it even when it's so impossibly hard to choose. I want to remember that I am not the judge, and that if I choose to look at everyone the way that Jesus does, I will see those "flaws" as fingerprints of individuality. I will realize that those fingerprints are just more reasons to encourage, and grow, and serve. Because only when the people in my life have faith in God, will they ever be able to get past any of the things that are truly holding them back in life.

How do I know this to be true? Because I was inspired to write this blog post. When I sat down to write this, I just knew their were things that God wanted me to say. And I wasn't sure what that was. But these are the things that I struggle with most. I hold myself to such high standards that I have forgotten how to love myself. I can't look at my flaws and see fingerprints of Jesus. I see things myself as broken, ugly, and bruised. And I'm none of those things. I may be knocked down, but I am NOT destroyed. God has forgiven every one of my sins and shortcomings, and GRACE saved me. I do not have to prove anything to Him. I do not have to earn His love. Will I show it? Of course, because true faith has fruits. A living thing cannot shrivel up and be forever dormant. If it is, it will eventually die. And so I will choose to bear my fruit. I will use my gifts. And I know that through study, prayer, and patience, focusing each day on what I can accomplish, while not dwelling on the past or future, I will ultimately be victorious. What will that be? Only He knows that.

The truth that I hold to the most is found in my very favorite verse in the Bible. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 2:9 "However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

If that isn't a promise of a wonderful future, I don't know what is. If my dreams are so conceivably wonderful, can I even begin to imagine what He has in store that is so marvelous that I can't comprehend it? That trust somehow makes all those broken, rough, rocky paths worth the lessons, struggles, heartache, and growth. Because God is ultimately preparing me and my heart for my perfect future. And I think that the realization of that and the peace that it brings will be the best birthday gift that I'll receive.

Now if I can only repeat that over the next couple of weeks. It may be tougher to swallow than I'd like, but I'll just keep repeating, "it's only a number."

Blessings,

30 things

2011-06-23T15:39:00.002-05:00

In honor of my impending big birthday (gulp), I've decided to compose some lists. Today I will name 30 of my favorite and least favorite things.

Favorite things: (in absolutely no particular order)
1. Children's laughter
2. Fireworks
3. Things that sparkle
4. The smell of vintage books
5. Three or more part harmony
6. A good sports cry
7. Texas A&M University
8. All things Southern (accents, people, hospitality, SEC football, bourbon, food, and MY FAMILY!)
9. Sailing on a sailboat, wind in my hair
10. Diet Coke
11. Really good chips and salsa
12. Turquoise (the color, the stone, it's present in all areas of my life)
13. Large earrings
14. Magazines (In Style, Texas Monthly, Lucky, Garden & Gun, Dapper,
15. Estate sales
16. Delicious smelling homes
17. Sports talk radio (I can't believe I admitted that one.)
18. Clean sheets on a made bed
19. Snuggling with a sweet puppy
20. Dancing with handsome men
21. B&W photography
22. Getting my hair blown out for no special reason
23. Home cooked meals savored at a table with family and friends, long past when the dishes are cleared
24. Surprising people (gifts, parties, etc.)
25. Road trips (especially on new roads)
26. Sitting on the porch
27. My Bible
28. Singing out loud (anywhere, anytime)
29. My fave places in the world: Castiglion Fiorentino, Italy, the dock of Snake Pond in Sandwich, MA, Isola, MS, and Erinshire in Abilene, TX
30. Long, meaningful conversations

Things I dislike: (again, in no particular order)
1. Burnt Orange
2. Cigarettes
3. Big Red
4. Booing at sporting events
5. Warner Brothers cartoons
6. Roller Coasters
7. Long commutes
8. Overplayed autotuned radio music
9. Those who think I'm shallow or stupid just because I am interested in fashion
10. Whispering - it literally makes my skin crawl
11. You can't plug two hair appliances into one outlet at the same time (like a flat iron and hair dryer)
12. When my favorite lipstick is discontinued
13. When people tear down historic homes in old neighborhoods and build modern monstrosities
14. Allegiance to universities from those whom have no family ties whatsoever
15. The dying status of the handwritten note
16. The age of instant information - I'm convinced this is why people are unable to hold conversations
17. That Dallas/Fort Worth doesn't have any HEB grocery stores
18. Tollroads
19. Bad Politics (in government OR in churches)
20. Cheap knockoffs (of boobs, bags, or bad art, etc.)
21. Sensationalism in the media
22. Bad grammar, especially in the newspaper or in business publications
23. The BCS system in college football
24. The lack of chivalry from men in younger generations
25. Rushing (in music, work, and getting ready)
26. Soft drinks in plastic bottles. I seriously think cans or fountain are far superior.
27. Being interrupted
28. Drivers who don't know how to make a u-turn. We're not in England. You still drive on the right.
29. Sense of Entitlement by anyone
30. Clutter*

*although I do love the shop Clutter at Warrenton/Round Top every April/October

Cheers,

The Battle of Loneliness

2011-06-14T18:18:00.001-05:00

It's been one of those weeks. I think I've probably done a little too much thinking the past few days, but the only thing I could think to do was write about it, so here I am. It's hard for me to write on my blog sometimes, because I am scared of being too honest, but right now I just need an outlet for my real feelings, because I don't know if I've actually spoken those in a long time.

I think a lot of these feelings started when I moved in early 2010. Or if I'm really being honest, I think they started when I went through a terrible relationship back in the summer of 2009. I ended up breaking things off with a guy that completely ripped my world apart. And after that, I convinced myself that I was so ignorant for not seeing any of the red flags. I was stuck in a pattern of settling. And I started to realize that I had let the very act of settling, or the inability to say no seep into every area of my life—my job, my friends, my family. And I've been slowly reevaluating and cutting the bad spots out, one by one ever since.

Another recent change that may have triggered these feelings is that I began working from home a few months ago. I literally go days at a time without seeing anyone that I actually know. I have a significant amount of time on my hands to think about my life, and what really matters to me. The thing is, it's gotten to be a very short list, and that frankly makes me very sad. I've always been an extremely outgoing person with many friends. I've realized that I have very few people who actually know me, the real me. I started to think about the people in my life who I truly love, and how much I really matter to them. I know there will likely be a lot of naysayers who read this and say, "Oh, everyone loves you." And yes, I know that people love me. But there is a difference in saying you love someone and actually feeling that you are loved and are important to others.

So I started thinking about my real friends; the ones that really do love me for exactly who I am. The ones that will hang out with me in sweats and no makeup and have a glass of wine—or it's not a big deal if either of us pop in for a visit unexpectedly. The ones that I have tough, honest conversations with. Many of my "friends" were just people from my past that don't really know anything about me anymore. In spite of this realization, I've continued to try to be open to my friendships, but it's left me feeling very lonely and made me take some very long hard looks in the mirror. If others don't know me, do I really know myself?

The part of this journey that's been the hardest is that I'm not trying to permanently cut anyone out of my life or be malicious. I'm definitely not trying to make anyone feel like I don't care. It's just that because I'm a giving/loyal person, I've just felt empty lately. I can't be a half-friend; it's not in my nature. And because I had so many friends in my life, and never questioned what kind of relationship we actually had, I gave 100% to everyone. I ran out of giving. And I told several people this, and it wasn't well received. People felt like I was keeping score, or that had high expectations. And I wasn't trying to imply that at all. I just wanted my friends to see that everyone has a threshold. After the last few years, I've definitely reached mine. And I just need to fill up my tank for a while so that I can continue to be the kind of person that I know God wants me to be. The giver, the girl who always calls on your birthday, who sends cards, who takes last-minute road trips for important events, who will craft crazy things for your party/wedding/ baby shower, who volunteers for things, accepts most invitations even when I'm tired, and who wants to enjoy every moment of life.

The other complicated piece to this puzzle? I understand that everyone has busy, complicated lives. Most of my friends are married, have kids, mortgages, successful careers, relatives all over the globe, and many hobbies. And I'm so happy for them because of these things. I just also realize that because they are so busy, that I can't expect the certain things from them. They are busy giving too. If I want to talk to one of my closest girlfriends, I have to worry about interrupting dinner, bath time with the baby, or that I'll wake their sleeping husband. Because of all of these changes, I deeply miss having someone who I have a real connection with. And I'm incredibly lonely—I said it—the word that I hate to say. But I am. I long to have that kind of love and fulfillment in my life that many of those around me have.

Since Big and I broke up, I've had this gaping hole. I can't think of who to call with good news, bad news, or just random news; he was that person. I think about him all the time. We've talked a little, but I know that it only makes it harder for me to let go of my feelings for him. And when he calls on the day of his big fundraiser, it just makes me want to scream, "Why me? If I'm so important, why can't you just give us a real shot." Or I wish he'd say, "move to the East Coast." These are unrealistic thoughts. And I'm trying very hard to not think them anymore. I keep them to myself and I pray to God. And I know that only He can fill that hole, but it would also be nice if I could just stay busy enough that my mind wouldn't reel at times.

I've also struggled with identifying with my friends. Part of me thinks that I've just assumed that everyone is just like me for so long that I didn't realize that some of my friends and even people I meet are closed off from the world. And so when I try to talk to them, share with them, or do something that I think is helpful, they see it as the complete opposite. Some people find me overbearing. I'm honestly not trying to be. I'm just a genuinely friends person. And then things just get awkward. I keep hearing that life will continue to get easier with age, but I find myself questioning when that moment will come. When will I have the discernment to see these differences in others?

For now, I'd really just like to meet some new people so that when I really need to get out of the house, or get extra tickets to events, I can actually come up with someone to ask. I went to two large social events this weekend all alone. And even for someone who likes to talk, that's really scary. I stood at one event for almost an hour before anyone spoke to me. And when I tried to talk to people, they gave me looks like I was bothering them — or worse, that they felt sorry for me.

For now, I'm just hoping to kick some of this loneliness to the curb, and I'm hoping that my recent introspection will help me be a better friend, and know much earlier when it's just not going to work. I'm also hoping that I can feel God's reassurance that I am a lovely, wonderful woman, and that I don't need worldly confirmation to know these truths.

On a final note, I know that this posts likely sounds like a pity party. I'm not asking for pity. I know that everyone feels like this sometimes. By all accounts I have nothing to complain about in my life. It's just that if you don't feel loved in your life, what do you have?

Cheers,

Sasha Rhett Guest Blog

2011-05-23T00:18:00.000-05:00

Recently I was asked to write a guest post for Sasha Rhett watches. I interviewed the designer, Alexandra Daum, for a post on Unabashedly Prep back in 2010, and they liked it so much, they asked me to help out with their new blog. You can check out the original post here. I expanded on the original piece and decided to share it with all of you. I hope you find my expansion into women's fashion as exciting as I do. You should expect to start seeing more of it from now on. Happy Shopping!

For some people the thought of building a spring/summer wardrobe can be quite daunting. Especially when most women look in their closets and immediately think I have nothing to wear. In reality, most women have too many things to wear, which is why dressing can seem overwhelming, especially for a last-minute event or outing.

As the daughter of not one, but two avid shoppers, I've learned how to stretch my clothing budget, and to buy things that will last many seasons. The key is to purchase items of clothing that compliment each other, and basics that keep up with the trends, yet are classic. The best way to do this is to choose classic-shaped clothing in colors that compliment the season, your skin tone, and your figure. As much as I'd love to buy the latest offering in Vogue or In Style, these items are simply out of my everyday price range. After doing some serious closet cleaning for the upcoming season, I put together a list of items that would help me create a mix & match wardrobe that would last well into the warmer months. The best part? These 8 pieces can be combined with staples that many of you likely already own, and not one of them will set you back more than $119. I've also included some accessories, and have styled a few outfits to show you the various options available. This will help get your imagination flowing, as the possibilities are endless.

For even more time saving, I suggest grouping several outfits together in your closet at the beginning of each week. You can even put all of your accessories in a drawstring pouch and include them on the hanger; just grab and go. On the mornings that I'm late for a meeting, this has immensely helped me. It's also quite useful if you have to travel for work. I hope that you'll find these bright, cheery pieces as a great guide while you're out shopping for spring and summer. Remember the most important rule of all: Wear what makes you feel comfortable and confidant. However, if a few simple alterations will make it perfect, run, don't walk to your tailor. No matter the price, it's not a bargain if it doesn't fit like it was custom made.

Polyvore Collection

Spring/Summer 2011 by FabulousMissLA featuring summer skirts

I've numbered the main pieces for ease of matching.
1. Fuchsia double-breasted blazer, $100
2. Chambray button down, $98
3. Turquoise pencil skirt, $118
4. White trench coat, $90
5. Yellow linen skirt, $88
6. Striped boat neck blouse, $60
7. Striped v-neck dress, $119
8. White cropped pant, $40

Bags, clockwise:
Canvas and leather satchel, $158
Stone bow clutch, $80
Green zip-pocket satchel, $228
Cognac cross-body bag, $100

Shoes, clockwise:
Pink patent ballet flats, $180
Green flats with bow, $70
Brown espadrille wedges, $80
Navy Top-siders, $75
Canvas and leather slingbacks, $90

Accessories, counterclockwise:
Sasha Rhett Gold Round watch with snakeskin double wrap strap, $299**
Sasha Rhett Navy snakeskin gold double wrap strap, $75
Sasha Rhett Green snakeskin gold double wrap strap, $65
Brown woven prairie belt, $45
Pink patent belt, $32
Raffia belt with orange bow, $26
Khaki double-buckle belt, $22
Straw fedora, $58
Orange and Navy fabric and chain bangles, $38
Multi-color stripe bangle, $5.80
Polka dot gold ring, $5.80
Gold link bracelet, $88
Gold clover drop earrings, $49
Turquoise bead necklace, $59
Maltese pin/enhancer, $19
Pearl stud earrings, $25

**These watches have interchangeable straps, further adding to the versatility of these ensembles. Just switch out the strap to change your watch from day to evening.

Here are some of the ensembles I styled from the pieces below:

Business:
1 + 7
Canvas and leather slingbacks
Green zip-pocket satchel
Sasha Rhett gold watch with navy snakeskin double wrap strap
Pearl stud earrings
Gold link bracelet

Weekend at the coast:
2 + 8
Brown woven prairie belt - leave the top untucked, and belt like a tunic
Navy Top-siders
Cognac cross-body bag
Sasha Rhett gold watch with green snakeskin strap
Straw fedora
Pearl stud earrings

Dinner & drinks:
6 + 3
Raffia belt with orange bow
Brown espadrille wedges
Stone bow clutch
Sasha Rhett Gold Round watch with snakeskin double wrap strap
Gold clover drop earrings
Orange fabric and chain bangle

Shopping or the museum:
4 + 5, trench worn open with belt tied in back
Navy & White top or other basic from your closet
Pink patent belt, tuck in shirt and belt just under ruffle detail
Pink patent ballet flats
Pearl stud earrings
Multi-color stripe bangle

Other possible combinations:
1 + 2 + 8, Pink patent ballet flats
4 + 2 + 3, Brown espadrille wedges
1 + 6 + 3, Green flats with bow
4 + 7, Canvas and leather slingbacks, pink belt
4 + 5 + 6, Green flats with bow
1 + 5, basic top, Brown espadrille wedges
2 + 3, Pink patent ballet flats
1 + 6 + 8, Navy Top-siders
2 + 5, Brown espadrille wedges and belt
1 + 5 + 6, Green flats with bow
2 + 6 + 3, Canvas and leather slingbacks
6 + 5, Pink patent, Pink patent ballet flats
2 + 7, with Khaki double-buckle belt and Brown espadrille wedges
6 + 8, Pink patent ballet flats
2 + 6 + 5, Brown woven prairie belt, Canvas and leather slingbacks

1 + 3, basic top, Brown espadrille wedges
7, alone with various belts, shoes, accessories

Of course, the possibilities are endless. And if you have any questions about how to incorporate into your own wardrobe, feel free to contact me!

Cheers,

Blog Lovin'

2011-05-13T21:33:00.001-05:00

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The Adventure Continues

2011-05-10T22:35:00.000-05:00

So, I suppose that the first post that I write after I quit my job to write full time should be on an enlightened topic. I could write about the "easy way" to start your own freelancing business, how to get the gumption to walk into your boss's office and quit your less-than-stellar job in corporate America in chase of "the dream." I could tell you that working for yourself is exactly like in the movies. Adorable casual clothes, coffee shops, all the time in the world to do your laundry, look perfect for every outing, and send all your friends birthday gifts on time.

If I wrote about all of those things, I'd be lying.

The truth is, that April 15th was my last day of work in corporate America -- for now. I don't think I publicized much how much I hated my job, but I worked as an insurance adjuster, dealing with injuries from car accidents. For those of you that know me, it was likely the most ill-suited career I could have ever chosen. I just can't do glass-half-empty all day. I need passion and creativity, something that was seriously lacking, even while on the office Events Committee. And so, I quit.

On the morning of April 18th, I woke up and went to work in my new office, my dining room. So far, working from home has been interesting. I did a lot of leg work. I got all new office equipment, including a brand new MacBook Pro laptop. It's lovely. The first few days flew by because I had quite a bit of work to do. It's the days that aren't so structured that are a bit odd. Like when I wake up and don't have any assignments from my clients, so I spend my entire morning searching for new work, doing research on writing, and brushing up on AP vs. Chicago Manual of Style; or I spend two hours comparing health plans. And then I find myself feeling guilty for having time to listen to the Fashion 140 conference online, and being able to throw myself completely into some guest blogs that I wrote.

The thing that I wasn't prepared for was all the alone time. I've lived out on my own for the last 12 years. I've had roommates at some points, and lived alone at others. I really don't have any problems spending time alone; that is until I was doing that very thing 24 hours a day, seven days a week for weeks at a time.

The last few days I've started to get a little stir crazy. I've started to doubt myself. I think, "do I really have what it takes to be a full-time writer? Do all my friends and family think I'm crazy? Are they secretly just waiting for me to fail and come crawling to them for help?"

I know these thoughts are ludicrous, but you get a LOT of time to think about your life when you don't have physical contact with the outside world. I mean, I go to the gym, and have dinner with friends, but I've never spent so many large chunks of time with myself. And I'm starting to think that having this much time to think when I'm in the last few weeks of my twenties is possibly a bad idea.

I've always been an over achiever. I set extremely high standards for myself, and I'm pretty self-critical. When I was twenty years old, I thought I'd be living in NYC and working at a big magazine by now. Or I thought I might be in Nashville following my dream of singing. If anything I thought I'd be in a serious relationship, and possibly married. I never thought I'd be single, living in Fort Worth, Texas, having just quit my job, and essentially starting my career from scratch. Over the last few months, I just felt like my life was heading in a direction that just didn't make any sense to me. The more I prayed about it, the more I felt like I was supposed to start over again. I sincerely believe that God doesn't give people talents that he doesn't want them to use. In my heart of hearts, I think He wants every person to use every bit of talent they've been given. Because of that belief, I'm hoping that this bout of loneliness and doubt will pass quickly. I know there is an extremely confident women lurking inside me who just knows that big things are on the horizon. It's one of those "heart vs. head" moments. I just don't know which one will win this round.

In the mean time, I'm recommitting to my blog again. I will share my life's adventures with the few people that choose to read it. And for those of you that do, I really appreciate it. I know that even if no one reads it, it's the most therapeutic thing in the world to me. At the end of each victory and set back, I can come here and relish in how far I've come from even a year ago. And that in itself keeps me going.

Cheers,

A New Adventure

2011-02-21T18:09:00.000-06:00

Every teenage girl dreams of what she'll be when she "grows up." I've dreamed of seeing my name on a magazine masthead since high school. I would devour every morsel of each issue of In Style as it arrived in my mailbox; I quickly became addicted to the smell and texture of the glossy pages. My love for one magazine grew into two, three, and soon I was subscribing to upward of twelve magazines at any given time. If you asked for my vices, the check out line at the grocery store would top my list — I rarely leave the line without a shiny publication in hand. I received a B.A. in English from my beloved University, and I hit the pavement to find my dream job. After applying last-minute for a publishing institute in NYC and being wait listed, I settled for an editing job at an educational publishing company. A mere four years later, I got laid off. I sat befuddled at the young age of twenty-six; I was back at the drawing board, staring into the face of unemployment. I could not, would not, swallow my pride and move home with my parents. And so, I updated my resume and landed a new job.

Over the last four years, I've held jobs that were just that, jobs. They were not something that I in any way enjoyed. They were a paycheck, a means to an end. And slowly, I lost a little bit of what I loved most about my life; having a career that gave me real fulfillment. And so I started this blog. And after that, I began writing and editing for friend's blogs and other projects. I began rebuilding my portfolio and I've begun applying for actual writing and editing positions again. So where does the high school dream fit in? It finally came true! Since the entire point of this blog was that I would actually pursue my dreams, a friend asked if I'd like to edit and write a little copy for a start up magazine in Dallas. I kindly accepted, and enjoyed every minute of my assignments. They liked my work so much that they called to tell me that I will officially be listed on the masthead as a Contributing Editor/Copywriter. My little heart skipped several beats, and I was actually speechless. For those of you that know me, that's a rare occurrence. And so, the magazine went to print today, and I can't wait to share it with all of you. Even more importantly, I'm beyond excited to continue my writing and editing ventures for the upcoming issues. I know that the best is truly yet to come. Watch out world, L.A.J. is back in business.

Cheers,

A Big Goodbye

2010-12-31T08:48:00.002-06:00

Big finally made his decision. And as I'm sure you can assume from the title of this blog, my finale with Mr. Big didn't end by standing on a bridge in Paris, him telling me I'm "the one." My ending was much less poetic. It began with an email that said he'd come to a decision and wanted to talk to me about it. So, on Thursday, December 2nd at 9 PM, my last phone call with Mr. Big began.

As Big began to talk about his week, I reflected on the last 5 years, and all the prayers and love that had gone into our relationship. I had a peace that whatever happened, I knew that it was God's plan. He really had no idea how to start this conversation, so after what seemed like the longest 10 minutes of my life, I finally urged him to get to the heart of the matter.

He sighed and asked me how to begin. I asked him the question that had needed an answer for entirely too long. Do you love me? There was a pregnant pause on the other end of the phone. He wavered on his answer for several minutes, and it was then I had my answer. If Big couldn't muster the courage to utter those three little words to me after all these years, he never would. The conversation went on for over an hour, & I said all of the things that I needed to say, the things that had weighed on my heart for years.

Getting off that phone call was one of the hardest things I've done in my life. I let go of my very best friend, my PERSON, in order to open the way for the future. My heart feels very empty. There have been many times in the last few weeks that I've wanted to call Big. Driving hone from work everyday is the very hardest time. We always talked then. It was our time. To admit that I cry many days on my drive now is hard. I wonder what he's doing, how his day was, and if he was able to secure the President for his big fundraiser. I wish Big nothing but happiness. I also know that letting him go will open my heart for the future & a good relationship with a man who is willing to give me his whole heart. I will continue to wait, be it for the rest of my life, to find a man to love me the way that I loved him.

I got a package from Big yesterday. A fitting way to end the year. Enclosed was the circle journal that I made him in July 2006, right after my first trip to visit him. It is something that was extremely special to Big, & something I had waited all these years to get back. He finally wrote in it. It was hard to read. To see how much my love for him had grown was much to take in, but a fitting way to close our chapter. Big was finally able to open up to me & tell me how he felt. I see how I was able to give him my heart, & how he really did know the real me, better than I ever thought he did. It was nice to know that men sometimes do notice the little things after all.

So, with another year under my belt, it's time to close this chapter and say hello to 2011. I am ready for it to bring all my passions to the surface & live the life that I was called to live. It's time to set aside all my fears & go get all the wonderful things that Gid has in store for me. Writing this blog has been such a great experience & one I will continue for many years. To all of you who read about my life, thank you. It's good to know that I'm not alone on this crazy journey. May each of you have a blessed New Year!

Cheers,

Big Comes to Texas

2010-11-15T18:04:00.001-06:00

You read that correctly. He actually bought a ticket, got on a plane, and came to the Lone Star State. And we had the absolute best weekend that I could imagine. He came down to be my date for James and Alex's wedding, which was hands down one of the most fun celebrations that I've ever been a part of. Tied of course with Ally and Weston's wedding in October. (It's quite a season when two of your BFFs get hitched within 5 weeks of each other.)

All that being said, JJP, not John James Preston, but my Mr. Big, had a pretty great time on his trip. And he was an amazing sport, meeting 3 of the 4 BFFs, numerous other friends and family, and even meeting the parents. And despite the fact that he's a Yankee, a Democratic, and a huge Washington Redskin's fan, my parents, and all my Republican-minded friends loved him. Putting him on that plane back to New England was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I cried the entire way back to my office, at 5:30 in the morning, listening to Rascal Flatts turned up as loud as it would go.

And after several long conversations throughout the weekend, and putting all the cards on the table, it's up to the real JJP to decide if he is ready to take the next step in our relationship. I love the man more than I can even express. He's incredibly thoughtful, witty, handsome, sarcastic, kind, uber-intelligent, staunch about his values, set in his ways, crabby at times, the best storyteller I know, and passionate about his causes to no end. He's a man's man, but dresses well, and he loves the cute, albeit irritating, things about me that most people just don't understand. He listens well (most of the time), and he's sensible 99% of the time; unless he's in in a mall with a Brooks Brother AND Nordstrom. But who can blame him for that? He's the kind of man I can see in my life, but would never have picked on my own. I wouldn't have had the guts to talk to someone so charming. And although not emailing Big back 5 years ago may have saved me past and future heartache, I wouldn't change any of it for a minute. I know that one day I'll tell my kids about the best date I've ever had, and it will be about a charming man from Maryland who surprised me, and continues to surprise me even after 5 years. If I'm not the woman that gets to spend my life with Big, I'll know it's because God has other people for each of us. I'll just be glad that I got to spend as much time with him as I did. It has taught me to never settle for anything but the simple sound of someone's voice making me grin from ear to ear.

Privileged to Guest Blog

2010-11-11T10:09:00.000-06:00

Here's another guest post for Unabashedly Prep. Privileged to write for such a great blog. Enjoy!

When I first picked up Susanna Salk’s book, A Privileged Life: Celebrating WASP Style (Assouline), I wasn’t quite sure that I would identify with this somewhat shrouded demographic. I’m a Southern Prep from a world of hot toddies, pearls, and the SEC. A far cry, or so I thought, from champagne, riding boots, and Brown. After reading this lovely book, I found myself identifying with the traditional, intelligent, classic, and casual-yet-elegant aspects of this lifestyle and how it as a whole has contributed to the often-lost traditions in today’s American culture.

Ms. Salk shares her own treasured memories of her childhood and adolescence in the book. Growing up in Massachusetts, surrounded by ribbon belts, Ivy League lacrosse, cocktails, Nantucket summers, Pulitzer shifts, and monogrammed sweaters at Milton, she is the perfect example of a WASP woman.

Salk fills the pages with hundreds of photographs of famous WASPs, from Jackie, to Blythe Danner, Audrey Hepburn, Brooke Astor, Robert Redford, as well as many candid portraits of her friends and family. The lovely captions, and personal sentiments help the reader catch a real glimpse into this often emulated, yet misunderstood way of life.

The book beautifully explains how WASPs, like many Americans, identify with traditions, and how members of this demographic seem to almost freeze with time. They seem forever youthful, in their beloved forty-year-old camel coats, inherited summer homes, and their weekly Saturday morning brunch. WASPs define heritage, grace, joie de vivre, and formal without being fancy.

Although deeply rooted in tradition, the inherent definition of “WASP” has progressed through different eras and is a far cry from the original constraints of the word. While Salk’s parents emulated Grace Kelly and Cary Grant, her generation leaned toward Carole King and Ryan O’Neal. Today’s generation continues to add twists on the classics, but adhere to the tried-and-true preppie principles. The barriers to this elusive American style of living have been removed, allowing increased accessibility for current generations. Even if you didn't grow up summering in the Cape, you may find yourself living slivers of a privileged life after all.

Cheers,

Sisters Weekend a.k.a. Every Man's Dream Vacation

2010-10-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

So I FINALLY went on a vacation. A real, honest-to-God, vacation. Somewhere that I wanted to go. I wasn't in a wedding, throwing a shower, going to visit someone out of necessity. (Not that any of those things aren't fun.) For those of you that know me, it's often pointed out that I'm often so busy doing things for other people that I forget to do things for myself. So, this trip was two-fold. It was first, a surprise for my baby sister, Sissy. She's the BIGGEST Dallas Cowboys fan that I know, save myself. Now, please don't stop reading my blog if you hate the Cowboys. I promise that I will refrain from singing their praises in the future, unless they do the unthinkable and go to the Super Bowl.

I surprised Sissy with a trip to Canton, Ohio to the NFL Hall of Fame Enshrinement to see Emmitt Smith, her favorite player of all time, be inducted into the Hall. The icing on the cake was that the Cowboys happened to be selected to play in the Hall of Fame game. So, off we flew to Columbus, Ohio, to spend some time with out aunt & uncle, and then rented a car and drove 2 hours northeast to Canton.

The weekend began with a delicious meal at the Surly Girl Saloon. This was at the recommendation of a co-worker who hales from Columbus, and the great Ohio State University. The rec was spot on. The food was great, the beer and drink selections amazing, and the cupcakes, oh my lord. Best. Cupcake. Ever. I'm a Southern woman. To say that a yankee produced the best red velvet cupcake of my life is a bit of a slap in the face of both of my grandmothers, may they rest in peace. Needless to say, it's true. If you are from Columbus, please run and have one of these cupcakes.

After the meal, we headed up to campus to check out OSU. My aunt has been a professor there for over 30 years. She's a die-hard Buckeye, and made us swear we'd check out the Horseshoe. As a love of all things college football, I couldn't wait to see the legendary place. Many National Championship hopes have been dashed on this field, and it was a bit surreal to see all 105,000 seats empty. I could imagine the roar of the crowd in three weeks when OSU kicks off my favorite time of the year.

After seeing the campus, we headed over to Shore North to check out all the trendy boutiques, and have some ice cream at Jeni's, which has been featured on the Food Network. Par for the course, best ice cream of all time. The Salted Caramel melted in my mouth and enveloped my taste buds with salty meets sweet and cold, delicious creaminess. The Wildberry Lavender is something out of dreams. I may just have to break down and have some shipped to Texas to beat this debilitating heat.

We dropped off our aunt at her tre' fab downtown loft, and headed toward Canton. We collapsed into our bed and prepared for an eventful Saturday. We woke up and pilfered through piles of Cowboys t-shirts, hats, jerseys, and the like to select our gear for the trek. As we pulled up to the museum, we both let out squeals of joy at the large white tents full of merchandise and football legends. You might have thought we'd arrived at the world's largest outlet mall, but no, the J sisters love a good football game as much as an amazing deal on a pair of Stuart Weitzman's. We are well-rounded Southern women. Football is a religion, and one that our father baptized us into as a VERY early age. Sissy jokingly told our father that she wanted to attend Dallas Cowboys University when she was barely six years old. Dad had to explain that unfortunately, the Cowboys didn't have a school, and she would have to settle for a SEC or Southwest Conference school. We should have known that she was destined to be a Cowboys fanatic.

As we scurried out of the shoe-polished rental car, covered in phrases such as Dallas Divas, We love Emmitt, and Go Cowboys, the reality set in that we were finally here. After nine months of planning, we had made it to the football Mecca. When we approached the Hall, there were men decked out in jerseys and hats, as far as the eye could see. It was quite a welcome change to have a line for the men's restroom and be able to waltz right into the ladies' room without hindrance. We finally entered the Hall and were blown away by the shear mass of memorabilia, photos, trophies, jerseys, helmets, playbooks, and autographed items. Interactive touch screens, Programmed speeches that played as you passed by, and attire that adorned coaching legends of decades past. As we approached the rotunda that houses the busts, the lights grew dim. We were entering hallowed ground. The inaugural class was elected in 1963. Then 47 marble panels wrap around the room, each housing four to seven busts, representing each election year. The months long process of making each of the true-to-size busts is full of pictures, in person meetings, measurements, and molds. To see all of these football legends, many of whom have left this earth, enshrined in bronze forever, was quite moving. Sammy Baugh, Bob Lilly, Vince Lombardi, Don Shula, Dan Marino, Joe Montana, Roger Staubach, Tom Landry, Johnny Unitas, John Elway, Steve Young, Barry Sanders, John Madden, Bob Hayes, Joe Gibbs, Mike Singletary, and all the greats. And for Sissy and I, the hallowed three, Aikman, Irvin, and finally now, Smith, together again at last. These were the men that I grew up hearing about from my father. These men shaped the game of professional football forever. As we wrapped through all the rooms, taking in all of the sights, we grew more excited about the ceremony slated for that evening. We perused the gift shop, stocking up on even more paraphernalia, and listening to all the other fans clammer on about their team, and their love story with football.

As we exited the Hall, we entered tent upon tent of even more souvenirs, and scanned the crowd for a glimpse of one of these football legends. As we were about to head out for lunch, we finally spotted a legend, not of the football variety, but of the sports world, no less. Chris Berman, anchor of Sports Center, and the recipient of this year's Rozell award and emcee of the Enshrinement arrived. I sprinted over to nab his autograph as he entered the Hall. I entered a mob of men wanting to shake his hand. I'm pretty sure most women would think that I was crazy, trying to meet a middle-aged man with a comb over, but this is the man that reports ALL of the ongoings in the sports world. He knows anyone who is anyone, and his voice has soothed me to sleep on many the occasion. It's on par with meeting Joel McHale of The Soup if reality TV is your drug of choice.

After the adrenaline rush of my brush with fame wore off, we headed off to grab some lunch, freshen up, and prep for the Enshrinement ceremony. We put on our jerseys, necklaces, grabbed our expertly crafted Emmitt/ESPN themed poster, and headed to the stadium. We arrived and found our seats. Must to our utter shock and dismay, there was zero beer available in the stadium. Apparently it doubles as a high school stadium in the fall, and they banned the sale long ago. Haling from Texas, we can't really imagine NFL football without a frosty brew. We settled for a couple of Diet Cokes nestled in our Cowboys' themed beverage holders, and started the look out for the celebs of the sporting world. I prepared the camera and nearly fainted when I saw my ULTIMATE sighting, Troy Aikman. I made my way over to the railing and round myself a mere 15 to 20 feet from my childhood sports hero, and favorite Dallas Cowboy of all time. I became the paparazzi, shooting pics of him, Michael Irvin, John Madden, and the massive crowd gathering outside the commentary booth. I ventured back to our seat, and proceeded to strike up a conversation with the fans around me. I was quite surprised to find that every Cowboys fan I met was from anywhere but Texas. We even met several Canadian fans. Apparently they really are America's Team.

The Enshrinement ceremony began and we were instantly immersed. John Randle, Dick LeBeau, Floyd Little, Ricky Jackson, Russ Grimm, Jerry Rice, and Emmitt Smith. For four hours, we listened to inspiring stories of why these legends played the game, and how they dared to dream. When Emmitt took the stage, my heart swelled with pride. I was so happy to see an athlete carry so much poise and humility. This accolade was well deserved. His tribute to Troy, Michael, and Moose moved me to tears. His dedication to his family, his faith, and his sport, was admirable and inspiring.

Walking out of the stadium, I felt shaken to my core. I felt like I could move mountains. I think that the trip with my sister, not only forever strengthened our bond, but it made me realize that God has granted me with talents that I absolutely do not deserve. He has also blessed me with a passion for life that most people long for every day. I embrace the good with the bad. I take each moment as a lesson to prepare me for things to come, and as a catalyst for my writing, and for sharing with others.

It's taken me quite a while to finish this piece, as my life has been quite hectic. In the time since I went on this trip, my first fashion pieces were published, I've met celebrities, watched my beloved baseball team, the Texas Rangers clinch the pennant, bonded with my father, gotten involved in the arts as a volunteer, and found much needed peace. I have not dedicated the kind of time that I would have liked to my blog, but I've made a new promise to myself that I will make more time to write for myself. It's the most therapeutic activity in my life, and I enjoy sharing my experiences with the few people who take the time to read about my crazy life.

For those of you that do read this lengthy post, and all of my writing, thank you. It's because of your encouragement that I continue to pursue my dreams.

Cheers,

Guest blog: Sasha Rhett for Unabashedly Prep

2010-09-20T08:54:00.000-05:00

Check out my new fashion piece on
Sasha Rhett watches over at Unabashedly Prep. My life-long friend, F.E. Castleberry, is the genius behind this blog. He has been so kind to utilize my love for writing, fashion, and all things prep for my second guest post.

I had the pleasure to interview the designer of these watches, Alexandra Daum, for this piece. I was able to incorporate my love of writing and accessories for this piece. What more could I ask for?

The best part? Unabashedly Prep is giving away one watch to a lucky reader! Visit Sasha Rhett, select a strap of your choice, and enter into the comments section for the original post. Good luck!

Cheers,

My very preppy, second guest post

2010-09-09T22:14:00.000-05:00

So I was incredibly honored to be asked to guest post on my good friend, F.E. Castleberry's blog, Unabashedly Prep. Check out my post here: http://www.unabashedlyprep.com/site/entry/adirondack-chair/

This blog is everything I wish my blog was AND more. F.E., aka Fred, has done a fantastic job developing this blog, and I'm inspired by his creativity and passion for fashion and all things prep everyday. Fred and I have been friends for longer than either of us would like to admit, and I'm just glad he'll be seen with me in public at this point. :)

Please check out his blog and look for more future guest posts by yours truly.

Cheers,

My first guest blog post

2010-07-26T15:39:00.003-05:00

Please hop on over to my fabulous friend Sara's shoe blog: Pair Diem. I was honored to write a guest post on my lovely birthday shoes, thanks to Sara's gracious gift.

http://pairdiem.wordpress.com/2010/07/23/guest-post-leeannes-birthday-babies/

And you should all read her blog, and follow her on twitter at:
http://www.pairdiem.com/
www.twitter.com/SNCarpeaux

Cheers,

29 and fabulous ...

2010-07-20T21:32:00.002-05:00

So Saturday was the beginning of what I'm declaring as the best year of my life. I had the absolute best birthday in recent memory. The day began with crab frittata, bellinis, and 3 of my favorite ladies, Joy, Marie, and baby Catherine. Shopping, a margarita, and getting my house ready for the party rounded out the day. My BFF Ally drove in from out of town and brought lemon blueberry cupcakes made from scratch. It doesn't get much better. I had dinner with a small group of close friends including Marie, Nicole, Ally, Sawyer and my favorite neighborhood wine bar. We went back to my adorable new casa to have cupcakes and a signature cocktail of raspberry vodka and lemonade. I was overwhelmed by how many of my friends, old and new, came out to celebrate the last year of my twenties. I truly feel blessed. I know that I made the right decision by moving back "home".

And what would one of my posts be without a little update about the men in my life? First, there's Mr. Big, formerly known as Paul. It has been decided that Paul most candidly represents the famous leading man from my favorite show SATC. If I could get paid for every time I'm compared to Carrie Bradshaw, I'd be a rich lady. I do love to write about my love life, what can I say? Big made several leading comments that he might appear on my doorstep for my birthday, but in true Mr. Big fashion, he simply changed his RSVP on the Evite from a maybe to a no, the day before. I was disappointed, but I've learned in true Carrie fashion, to never get your hopes up, til he walks through the door, from out of the rain.

Then there is George. He's an old friend come college who I ran into at the gym about six weeks ago. He lives in my neighborhood, and we've been enjoying each other's company. He came out for the big birthday celebration after working all day building a fence. Not only did he meet all my friends, but he bought them drinks, and flirted shamelessly with the birthday girl. Never a bad thing. We'll have to see where that goes.

Last but not least, there is Will. We met through mutual friends, and went to the same college. We have a gaggle of things in common, but alas he is leaving for vacation for several weeks abroad. He was getting ready for his big trip, and couldn't make it to the party, but took the time to let me know that he was sorry to miss the party and how much he is looking forward to getting to know me. Will and I have a pretty interesting story already, being that just a couple of weeks after we were introduced by our friends, we were matched on eHarmony. (Yes, I took the leap and joined eHarmony.) After much nudging from a dear friend who has had success, I decided to give it a try. So far, I've just begun getting to know a few men, but it's refreshing to meet men who actually seem to be ready for a relationship.

I truly believe that this is the beginning of a phenomenal year. And I'm honored that so many of you are joining me on my journey. Here's to 362 days until I begin the next decade of my life. I plan on going out on top.

Also, here's a picture from the big day.

Cheers,

The good, the bad, the ugly

2010-06-20T20:39:00.001-05:00

So again I'm writing an apology. I've been awful about writing, but it's because I'm hitting the streets full on for good material, or at least that's what I think. Since moving back in February, I've hit the dating scene full force. I've been a bit discouraged as of late.

I think there are several factors playing into this. First, several of my friends have gone through completely unexpected divorces in the past year. These aren't people you would ever expect to deal with these sort of awful situations. I'm talking cheating, pregnancies with their mistress, lying, leaving out of the blue, stealing wedding rings, AWFUL type stuff. I've watched four spectacular people all get their hearts ripped out by people they love, trusted, and had children with.

Second, I've gone out with some real gems lately. First there was a guy I'll call TF, short for trust fund. He's comes from old family money, and at age 35, has never even purchased his own vehicle. These are facts that came out in month three of our dating relationship. Let's suffice it to say that after he stood me up for a rendezvous with the boys for some less than moral activities, I kicked him to the curb. Then there was Holden. He seemed great. He was smart, witty, well read, sociable, and had so many things in common with me it was eery. After dating for a month and a half, he told me that I was "fantastic, interesting and he couldn't wait to spend his summer with me." That was a month ago, and I haven't heard from his since.

After beating myself up one night with my good friends Cal and Dee over several glasses of wine, they told me that I was a strong woman for continuing to put myself out there in spite of running into obstacles. Cal wisely explained that I am willing to be vulnerable in order to find love. I willingly do this because I know that I am going to have to go through some not so great men before I find someone who is worth all my time, energy, and love. I keep telling myself that going through all the bad apples will be worth it one day.

Some days are harder than others. At times I'm so frustrated by guys that I just want to give up. I'm completely fine being single. My life is awesome. I have a good job, I have great friends, a nice house, and I'm successful and talented. I don't need a man in my life, but I want to share my life with one. I honestly don't feel that God would put a desire in my heart to meet someone and settle down if it wasn't supposed to happen. And so, as I am about to embark on year 29, I'm committed to finding love this year. REAL love. And I hope to entertain all of my readers as I attempt this. Thanks for reading.

Ciao,

Finally off the DL. (That's Disabled List, for you non-baseball fans.)

2010-05-26T09:09:00.001-05:00

I can’t believe it’s been SO long since I’ve written. Well, thinking about what all I’ve accomplished since I last wrote on my blog, I guess I can understand. I’ve been a little busy. For once, I’ve been busy for really good reasons. In fact, I’m happier than I’ve been in years, and I’m finally starting to feel settled. It wouldn’t be the fabulous life of Miss L.A. though if there weren’t some interesting twists thrown in along the way, though. So, here are some highlights:

• I got a fantastic new job!

• I moved into a duplex in the neighborhood that I’ve wanted to live in since I was a little girl.

• I’ve made so many wonderful new friends.

• I’ve finally gotten back into a routine with a full social life!

• I lost 15 pounds. (Let’s shoot for even more!)

• I’ve been dating two great gentlemen. (More on that later!)

• I’ve been called on stage for an impromptu performance at a bar, and received a standing ovation.

• I helped my BFF, Alli, pick out her wedding dress.

• I took my first exam in over 8 years, and proved to still have great study skills by making an A! Because I passed, I’m a licensed insurance adjuster.

I’m still getting settled into my new life. The goal is to be completely unpacked and ready for a housewarming/birthday party in July. It’s the last year of my 20s, so I have to make it a good one! Thanks to my great friends, I’m winding down on the painting, and should be able to start decorating the walls and shelves very soon. It’s nice to have a full social calendar as an excuse to take my time. I’ve realized life is just too short to worry about getting completely settled into my place overnight. I’d rather enjoy time with my new friends, dates, and getting back into a solid routine, and take my time getting everything just like I want it. I’ll definitely post some pictures of the new place once it is all decorated. Thanks for reading after all this time. I’ll post tomorrow about the new men in my life. Just to peak your interest, I’ve got a handsome, trust-fund baby on one arm, and intelligent, witty, and adorable on the other. Which will I ever choose?

'Til tomorrow,

March 12 - 24: Rules of Engagement

2010-03-24T23:35:00.001-05:00

So I've finally gotten some time to write again. It's well earned, as I think I've gone on more adventures in the last two weeks than I have in years. I celebrated, cried, ached, laughed, smiled, dreamed, wrote, and reflected over the last two weeks.

A few highlights:

Ally & her fabulous beau, Weston, got engaged! It was a wonderful surprise and such a sweet way to kick off these last two weeks.
Enjoyed a picnic, complete with perfect 70 degree weather and flip flops.
Drove 1,400 miles and saw some of my very favorite friends & family.
Visited Mississippi for the second time in one year. It still feels like home.
Held the hand of someone I loved while they went through a difficult cancer treatment.
Ate the most delicious home cooked Southern meal. (And I didn't have to fix it!)
Saw some of the most beautiful mansions, and then the most poor sections of our nation.
Nailed two job interviews.
Won a music audition to become a finalist to sing at a HUGE sporting event.
Saw Lady Antebellum in concert.
Went to the rodeo, and saw way too many cute cowboys.
Kissed a man I love.
Felt lonely for the first time in several months.
Watched a wonderful woman bury her husband of over 60 years.

Like I said, it was a busy two weeks. Those were just the highlights. There were many conversations, long stretches of belting out songs in the car, sleeping on couches, and packing and unpacking in the midst of it all. I sit here tonight, about to embark on a new chapter. I am finally about to get a new job. I'll be moving into a new place, and putting down roots. I'm happy, but I've been missing my friends lately. I like living here, but there are times when I still feel like my heart might be somewhere else. I've been trying really hard to be patient and wait to see what happens. I may be on the brink of something fantastic. My band might come together soon, and I might be able to start making a living with my singing, or maybe I'm about to meet the man of my dreams.

I know that lately men have frustrated me to my wit's end. Paul, Wes, Pete, Blue, & James. They ALL boggle my mind. I feel like I've entered a period where men just think SO hard about what they want that they just sit around and wait for it to come to them. Chivalry may be dead. I'm the woman, but we're in an age where women can be equal to men in work & life. But in dating, men are still supposed to be the pursuers. I want to be chased. I want to be wanted. I feel like that's a lost art on men today. They've forgotten how to be gentlemen. What happened to phone calls, and letters. It's text messages and emails, and rescheduling via iPhone calendars. I'm a modern woman, but desire a man who will pick me up, bring me flowers, and tell me how nice I look. Especially when I spent 2 hours getting ready. Alas, I digress.

All that being said, I'm ready for 2010 to be my year. I'm long overdue for some really fantastic things to happen. My four best ladies are all embarking on exciting journeys this year, and I'd like to join the pack. If I have to take life by the horns, so be it. I'm ready. I'm forewarning you all. I might not be the "nice" Miss L.A. along the way. I may have to get a little dirty and play hard to get. It might be the best life tactic that I've practiced yet. So, let the race begin.

Ciao,

March 1 - 11, 2010: Missing in Action

2010-03-12T00:52:00.000-06:00

I've been a bad blogger lately. It's just been so hard for me to find any time to sit down in a quiet place a write. By the time I have a few minutes, I'm exhausted. Life has been really great though. I spent lots of time cooking and cleaning for my family. Applied for several cool jobs, and had a few calls and interviews, I went back to my old hometown to see friends, and I am in the process of interviewing/auditioning people for the band I'm forming. Not too shabby on my time management. I've gotten time to relax, and focus on what I really want out of life. I got to spend some really great time with Michelle, my oldest BFF, and it was so great to see her in full mom mode, and just how much she sacrifices for her husband, baby, and baby-on-the-way. Because of her and everyone in my life, I think my perspectives have changed a bit in the last month.

I am finally realizing how much I care about the people in my life, and how I really want music to be the thing that I give back to this world. I don't think I've ever given myself enough time to explore my talents, and I've realized that life is too short to not do what you love and were born to do. I've also realized that I would really love to be a wife and mother. I'm not sure if either of those are in the cards for me, but I at least hope a successful relationship with a wonderful man can be fit in somewhere down the road. If there is no baby, I can live vicariously through those around me :)

This weekend I'm going on a mini road trip to see some of my favorite people. Ally, Wes, and a few others sprinkled in between. I'm going to hear great music, eat good food, see amazing art, and mingle with new people. I know it will be good to get away for a few days and feel like a normal single lady again. The house mom thing can make me feel a little old at times!

So, for now I'm signing off. I promise to write another entry when I return. Thanks to everyone who reads about my life. I know that it should get more interesting again soon!

~ Miss L.A.

February 27-28: Family fun, culinary creations, and art nouveau

2010-02-28T22:48:00.001-06:00

What a great weekend! I spent some much needed time with my nephews A&J, I whipped up some delicious food and sweets, visited a new church, saw some great art, and had a quasi-date. And that's just the icing on the cake.

Friday I spent the evening at home with my nephews and made some dinner for my family. After watching A&J dance around the kitchen and make me giggle myself silly, I went to bed after a mini Criminal Minds marathon.

Saturday I woke up to A&J poking their heads in every 30 minutes until I begrudgingly got out of bed. I made breakfast while they played outside. My mom woke me right up by suggesting we go shopping. What a whirlwhind. We shopped til we dropped! We snagged $1k in clothes for a little over $300. Bargain shopper extraordinaires. I got some great new staples for my wardrobe and it was a welcome treat since most of my clothes are in storage. After shopping, I went to the grocery to round out some purchases for cooking, and headed home to hang with A&J. I watched bike races, Play Station games, wrestling, bath wars, and general ruckus. I made them their favorites for dinner, then we made brownies for sundaes for dessert. Cooking with boys is a whole different ballgame than with girls. They turn everything into a dirty joke, and they like to smear batter wherever possible. Somehow I don't think differs much from grown men. :) Sundaes were almost spoiled when J accidentally kicked A's tooth out. Thankfully it was a lose baby tooth, but the blood gushing didn't set well either way. A little ice cream solves ALL problems though! I later carried two very tired boys to bed, and got to turn in early. A successful babysitting event, even with the blood.

Sunday I got up and ventured to a new church. A friend from high school, James, invited me to join him, as he sings in their fantastic choir. I was blown away by how much talent was in this place. They happened to be having their annual art show (at a church, no less), so I was treated to some amazing pieces. Some of this stuff was good enough to be in a museum. And the kids were all talented, too. It was really neat to see a church showcasing people's creative side. The music was incredible as well. A full orchestra, and a very strong choir. Probably the best church choir I'd ever heard. I think he wants me to join, and after a few more visits, I may be hooked. After church, James took me to lunch. We went to this amazing soul food restaurant, complete with live jazz. It was such great food, music, and fun atmosphere. We had a blast chatting and hanging out. I felt like I was on a great first date. I'm still not quite sure what it was exactly. I think the jury is still out on this one. I just hope there is a date number two. I don't think I've enjoyed a man's company that much in a long time. The time flew by, and I felt myself smiling and at ease. The best manners I've seen in ages.

After a late afternoon with James, I finally headed home and watched a movie with my family. I haven't been able to do that in years. It was so good for all of us to be together. After the movie I headed to Ralph's soccer game, and hung out with his boys and his friend Lauren. I have no idea if Ralph reads my blog, but in case he does, he needs to know that he needs to date Lauren. She's fantastic, and they would make a great couple. I had a fantastic time chatting with her, and I really hope we become friends. She's super pretty, stylish, smart, and just fun to be around. The kind of single gal that I need to be friends with in my new city. So, after freezing at another soccer game, I came home, had a nice cup of hot chocolate and am going to bed. What a great weekend. I hope that there are many more of these in 2010.

Buono Notte,

Miss L.A.

February 20-26, 2010: The best is yet to come!

2010-02-26T14:29:00.000-06:00

So I'm going to have to cheat again and write about my last week. It's crazy how little time I have to write these day with job searching, meeting up with old friends, carpooling, cooking, errands, etc. Suffice it to say it's been a fantastic week. Highlights include:

Getting offered a gig to perform at a theater in my hometown. A paid singing gig at last!
Receiving a call about a fantastic job at a non-profit to work in publishing again!
Cooking dinner with my nephews.
Meeting several great women who live in my area.
Finding and applying for several jobs that I'm very excited about.
Seeing my mom and sister everyday.
Hanging out with my college roommate, Leigh, and getting to laugh like old times again.
Eating at my favorite pizza place with Ralph and other friends.
Singing more than I have in years.
Working on getting my set list together for music gigs.
Getting in touch with so many old friends via Facebook and other networking.
Being excited about waking up every morning to a new adventure.
Talking to Paul on the phone and really investing in our relationship.

Overall, this week has been fantastic. I've had a bit of a head cold, but it's been so great to feel like things are really coming together. I'm so excited to see what is going to happen in my life over the next few months. So far 2010 is shaping up to be the best year of my life. Yay!

Ciao,

Miss L.A.

February 20, 2010: out with the old...

2010-02-21T10:36:00.000-06:00

So I had to get up very early for a baby shower this morning. One of my college roommates is having her first baby in April, and I had to be there at 10 AM. After going to bed a 3, this came very early. I made it, and had a great time. I got to see so many of my girlfriends from high school, and their moms too. Everyone was really excited to know I had moved back home, and are excited about getting together. As much as I always feel at home, it's a little awkward for me when I'm surrounded by all these fabulous ladies, and I'm always sort of odd man out. All my girlfriends from high school are married, and most have at least one child. It's like I don't really belong to the club. No one wants an opinion about babies from a lady who doesn't have kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy where I am in my life. I could have settled and gotten married and had a baby by now. Not to say that any of these ladies did that. They all have really great men in their lives. I just know that I haven't met that guy just yet. Or maybe I have and I just don't know it :)

After the shower, I headed back to Ralph's to get the packing and moving finished up. When I got there, I immediately remembered why I never want to live on a 2nd story when moving. I got in a lot of cardio with running up and down the stairs so many times. After 5 hours of running around, we finally got everything into the new place. I couldn't believe how tired I was. It took an energy drink, some dinner, and several sodas to get me going. I had to get pumped up because I was meeting an old flame, Blue, out for the evening. I met Blue through my sister's former boyfriend. Blue is nothing like any man I've ever been attracted to. But he is so incredibly sexy. He's older than me, very tall, extremely built, has beautiful eyes, great small, good jaw line, looks amazing in a pair of jeans. He rides a Harley, and his hair is as long as mine. He's a musician, and shares a love of country and the blues with me. He dances, he listens, and he's got an edge to him that makes him a little off limits. I never thought a man like Blue would ever be interested in me, but when we kissed for the first time last year, I was a goner.

I met Blue up at his usual bar. It was karaoke night, and most of the regulars were in attendance. I got to see so many of my sister's old friends, and it was great to catch up. Sis doesn't frequent there much anymore, as this is where she met her boyfriend who tragically passed away last year from a bike accident. These guys all still ask about her though. As much fun as I had, it wasn't the same without her there. Blue and I had a few drinks, caught up on life, and danced a little. Everytime he touched me I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Something about this man just drives me absolutely crazy. He finally convinced me to sing, and I got a big rouse out of the crowd. When I got off stage, he was there waiting to give me a hug. And then he asked me if I wanted to form a band with him. My dream come true. He's got all the musicians we need, and we have a place to practice. As scary as this is to me, it's also what I've wanted all along. And so after a night of hanging out with my old friends, Blue and I made plans to get together this week and have a little jam session. I secretly can't wait to see him again. When he got up on stage and played his harmonica, I thought I might cry. I am blow away by his talent. I'm just so honored that he thinks that I'm talented enough to perform in a band with him. As much as I know that I'm good, when someone that you admire offers a compliment, it's the best feeling in the world.

I'm excited to see what happens with his man. He pushed me completely out of my comfort zone, and that's exactly what I need.

February 19, 2010: Funkytown

2010-02-21T10:11:00.000-06:00

I didn't think I'd make it to Friday. What a week. I was glad to finally be able to get out of the house for a bit. I headed to Ralph's Friday night to help him run errands and pack. We hit up a great taco joint for dinner, even though I wasn't exactly dressed for dinner. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but Ralph is always dressed to a T. I guess when you writea style blog, you have to be.

After we scarfed down some dinner, we headed back to pack. It was so great to hang out with this guy again. We laughed and caught up on life. This guy still cracks me up after 14 years of friendship. After a few hours of packing, we decided to meet up with a friend for a drink to take a break.

We headed out at midnight, a rare feat for me as of late. We got to the bar, and immediately felt old. It was loud, young, and the music was not our taste at all. I looked around, and saw all of these college kids who just seemed to live in a different time than I do. We had a couple of drinks, chatted, and decided to call it a night. As we're walking back to the car, Ralph informs me he is hungry. At 1:30 AM. And so we hit up the taco joint for the second time to grab some chips & queso. I felt like I was back in college eating this late, with all the hungry drunk kids. It was a lot of fun. We laughed at some of the drunken behavior we saw at the late hour.

After a long day, I finally headed home to get a little sleep. It was rough knowing that I had to get up in 5 hours. I knew that my nephews would come bounding in early, so I had no problems falling into bed and into sleep immediately. Excited for a great Saturday.

February 16 - 18, 2010: All in the Family

2010-02-18T22:39:00.000-06:00

So I'm cheating on the blog this week. I'm just too tired to write. I owe my mother and all my friends who are mothers to multiple children some serious props. This is some tiring business. I've been waking up early, making breakfast, getting kids ready for school, taking my mom to work, getting home, doing all the dishes from breakfast and unloading the dishwasher from dinner, working out, getting online and researching jobs and making calls to network, doing laundry, running errands, more job search, picking people up from school, making dinner, doing more dishes, helping with homework, entertaining children, running baths, and tucking kids into bed. By the time I sit down, I'm exhausted. I don't think I've ever been this tired. And to think that most moms do all of this while working ANOTHER full time job! I vote that all moms needs a personal assistant. My own mother told me that it's much easier when you "ease" into it. She explained that you aren't thrown into having a husband, and two elementary school children overnight.

So, after four days of research, I have one interview set up, and hope to get a few more set up next week. I'm helping my good friend Ralph move this weekend. He's moving into the gorgeous 1920s apartments that I hope to move into as well. It will be SO great to have a neighbor who is also a great friend. And I'll really enjoy having someone to cook for again! That has been the highlight of my week. Cooking. It's one thing I really enjoy, and never get to do. And my family is seriously appreciative and chows down my food every night. That makes me very happy. It's so rewarding to make a meal that 5 other people enjoy eating.

I promise to write this weekend. And I also hope that I have interesting single lady happenings to report. I promise not to be swallowed whole by suburbia. :)

Good night,

Miss L.A.

February 15, 2010: Soccer mom/Housewife, Day 1

2010-02-16T21:37:00.000-06:00

So today was the beginning of a new adventure. One into a territory that I thought was in a very distant future. I was a bona fide soccer mom/housewife today. I wore my velour tracksuit and Uggs. I dropped off the kids in the carpool lane. I made breakfast. I packed backpacks. I did laundry and dishes. I waited on a repair man. I worked out. I helped with homework and shopped for groceries. I made dinner and ran baths. And then I collapsed. Man, moms have tough jobs. I just don't know if I'm cut out for staying at home all day. No human interaction. No reason to change out of your sweatpants. I think men must think women don't do anything all day because when they come home to a spotless house, they must think that it just always looks that way. WRONG. I gave my mom an extra hug when she got home. I finally sat down at 9:30, after being on my feet since 6:30 AM. That's worse than when I have an office job.

All in all, it was a rewarding day. It was nice to have people say thank you, and be so appreciative of taking the load off of the rest of my family. Dinner was so wonderful to sit around our table and be surrounded by my family. It's been a really long time since we've all sat there and been so happy. And it cemented the fact that this is what I've been missing all along.

Good night,

Miss L.A.

February 14, 2010: Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-16T21:29:00.000-06:00

That's right, it's Valentine's Day and I'm smiling. And I'm single. I know that this day isn't a very good holiday. I know it's overpriced, commercialized, and a day that many people's expectations and reality never sync. But even after all I've been through, heck, even after my awful dinner last night, I still believe in love.

Today I got to spend Valentine's Day with the people I love the most, my family. And nothing says love more than your mom and sister clearing space in their closets for your clothes :) And my nephews made me valentines and gave me pink carnations. And when I called Paul and he wanted to know if he could be a candidate for my Valentine. I told him he won as my Valentine. That made him pretty happy. And it made me even happier to know that all that it takes for me to smile is a man answering the phone and saying, "I was hoping it would be you on the phone." I felt wanted. And that was the best gift of all. No cards, no chocolates, and no flowers (at least from someone I actually love.) Just a man who wasn't afraid to tell me that he's overjoyed every time he hears my voice. If that isn't what love is, then I might not know anything about it.

I hope you all had a fabulous Valentine's Day and spent it with people you loved.

~ Miss L.A.

February 13, 2010: driving, dinner, and the Big D

2010-02-16T21:21:00.000-06:00

First, I owe an apology. I'm behind on my writing. I'm not really sure if I'm really apologizing to myself, but nonetheless, I've got a lot of catching up to do.

Saturday morning I got up, packed up all my belongings, cleaned James' house, and got on the road. I had a few snags with some bridesmaid drama before I got out the door, but thankfully that all got cleared up. Women. God help us all. I stopped at Michelle's house on my way to see her, and her precious family. A rare occasion when they are all together!

On my way to my parents', my friend JR called. He wanted to welcome me into town by taking me to dinner. How nice. So, I headed toward his place, and he took me to a great Italian restaurant. Dinner was nice, even with the Valentine's crowd, and we shared a great bottle of wine. So the entire time I'm thinking this is a completely platonic dinner. And then on the way back to his place to get my car, he makes a pit stop. And what arrives back with him? Roses. That's right. I was flattered, but taken back as well. And when we got to his place, he tried to kiss me. And I just didn't want to go there. And when I tried to play it off in some sort of save face manner, he got upset. Like he actually wanted to know how he could take me to dinner, get me flowers, and NOT kiss him. And then I did the unthinkable. I started to cry. It was like DB was standing in front of me. And using all of his old tactics to guilt me into being with him. And I tried to explain this to JR, and he just didn't get it. He even said that he shouldn't have to suffer the consequences when he wasn't the one that hurt me. And that's when I got angry. I just couldn't believe a man could actually think that past experiences aren't ever going to affect future things. It may not be fair, but that's just life.

Even after all that went down, I finally made it home, and still felt good about being there. I knew that right where I started was exactly where I needed to be.

February 12, 2010: Farewell, part 2

2010-02-15T10:38:00.000-06:00

So Friday was supposed to be cathartic. Instead, it all seemed to be filled with tension. Not so much by me, but everyone around me. Meetings, requests, purging, no lunch, last minute phone calls, and goodbyes. At one point during my day, I had to actually stop and say a prayer. I had this overwhelming feeling that this whole thing was a huge mistake. Maybe everyone needs me because I'm supposed to stay? I literally asked for a sign. I never ask for signs. Not because I don't believe in them, but because those kind of blatantly obvious things don't happen to me. I'm pretty sure God is continually trying to teach me how to be still, listen, and just be patient. For one brief moment, he gave me the obvious sign I needed.

One of my firm's new clients has been coming in the last few weeks for meetings. I've been on the phone each time he's come in, but he's always been polite, said hello, and always remembers my name. I just recently realized how important that is to me. It's very flattering when someone who has only met you once, and even heard your name one time, remembers it the next time they see you. It makes you feel like you actually matter to others. So, this client comes in, and I've literally just prayed this prayer in the past 5 minutes. He brings in a package of stuff for this advisor, and then hands me a sticker. It reads, "I am awesome." At the bottom, it has his website. He explains that he heard me mention that I was moving to a new city, and he "just had this feeling" that I could use a reminder that I'm awesome. He goes on to wish me well with my move. He smiles, I say thank you, trying to pick my jaw up off the desk. When he leaves, I check out this website. I get chills when I read this story. It turns out he is a motivational speaker who's entire premise is to teach people to follow their dreams. He too made a huge life move, quitting his job to follow his passion. I'm reading the story, and all I can think is see, you are making the right decision.

Before I even realize, I'm emailing this guy back to share my story with him. I explain that I feel like I've been settling in my life and that after all the bad things that happened to me over the last year, I felt like I was wasting all my talents. I don't use them at work, I don't sing enough, I don't get to be there for my family, and I just felt stagnant. I spilled the fact that I want to sing more than anything in the world, and how I'll do anything to make that happen. I sold half my stuff, have packed and lived out of boxes, and I'm now moving back to the place that scares me the most because I feel like it's where I'm supposed to be. I thank this stranger for giving me a gift that may have seemed so insignificant, but gave me the courage that I've needed for months.

I send the email without hesitation. I don't expect to get a response, but I wanted to this man to know that he made my day. I go about my business and soon the phone rings. It's him. He calls to tell me that he is blown away by my email. He wants to talk to me more about my move, and asks if he can stop back by and give me a few more things. I am humbled, and agree. Again, for someone who has never even met me until a few days ago, his kindness is immeasurable. Just before it's time for me to leave, he drops in. T-shirt, pamphlet, DVD, and other tchotckes in hand, he shares more of his story. He thanks me again for the email and asks me to keep him posted on how things go. I'm inspired. I am elated. I feel blessed and on the verge of something great.

After he leaves, I say my goodbyes to my coworkers. It's bittersweet. I know that I will be missed, and I'll miss many of these people. I know we'll stay in touch, and I hope that they know just how much they meant to me, supporting me over the last two years. I receive many well wishes, and then leave. It was a liberating feeling to walk out the door. Not knowing what was to come, but excited for the ambiguity.

Off to pack the rest of my things, eat dinner with the girls and watch Valentine's Day, the movie. After a exhausting day, I finally crawl in bed for a good night's sleep for my drive tomorrow. Ready to hit the road of the next adventure.

February 11, 2010: Farewell, part 1

2010-02-12T09:16:00.000-06:00

Thursday flew by at work, and soon I was sitting at happy hour, with many of my closest friends, saying goodbye. The whole evening was surreal. It just didn't seem like this was the end of my era here. Six years have flown by so fast. As I looked around the table, I realized that I'd made friends for a lifetime. I thought about those who were missing, and how many people had gotten me to this place in my journey. I thought of my BFFs, Ally, Lauren, Alex, and Michelle. Two of them were able to be at dinner. Two have lives elsewhere, but I'm lucky enough that they all live in the same state, and so I can see them, even after I move on a regular basis. These four ladies have all entered my life at different times over the last fourteen years. They all mean so much to me, and sitting there at dinner, I felt so humbled to be surrounded by such amazing people who loved me enough to brave freezing temperatures, and downpours to wish me well. I wrote Alex & Lauren a card to tell them each how much they meant to me. When Lauren read it, she cried. I nearly joined. And as we all hugged and made it know that this was not "goodbye", just a "see you soon," I put on a brave face and got in my car. And I listened to music and pondered on my drive home. I got pretty choked up as so many memories came flooding back. I was happy, but tears soon began streaming down my face. I'll always remember my time here fondly. Who knows, maybe one day life will lead me back to this place. For now, I'll choose to be hopeful, and that a year from now I'll be surrounded by old friends and some new ones. I'll have settled in, and even though I won't replace any of these wonderful people, I'll have new places to eat on Sunday nights, and someone to call and go to the movies with on a moment's notice. I will embrace the ambiguity of what is to come. It's scary & exhilarating all at once. Tomorrow is my final day here. I'm determined to make it a good one.

Good night,

Miss L.A.

February 10, 2010: Girls' Night Out

2010-02-11T09:59:00.000-06:00

Wednesday shaped up to be a pretty great day after my bout with sadness. I woke up feeling refreshed, and it turned out to be one of the best days that I've had in a very long time.

Great things that happened today:
1. I found my lost iPod.
2. I got a call for a job interview in my new city!
3. Alex asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. (So honored.)
4. Wine and Karaoke with the girls, including a Dixie Chicks duet with Alex.
5. Met the bass player from a band that I love!

As you can see, it was a pretty fantastic day. And that doesn't include the fact that I had lunch with my old boss, who gave me a glowing recommendation, and dinner with my former landlords, who's three adorable children spent the day making me going away cards. I felt more loved today than I have in so long. I just can't believe how things are falling into place. I have so much more confidence about the job hunt now and because I've received such an outpouring of love and support from my friends. I had no idea how many people's lives I've affected here, and to see just how much I'll be missed means so much.

After a night of wine, girl talk, dancing, karaoke, and fun, I collapsed into bed. I fell asleep with ease, not having to wrestle my good friend insomnia for a change. I'm ready for what the rest of the week will hold!

~ Miss L.A.

February 9, 2010: Letting go

2010-02-10T08:53:00.000-06:00

This week is already starting to fly by too quickly. That's the way it always seems to go when you have to say goodbye. The weeks drag by when you take time for granted, but when you are trying to savor every moment, they're gone in the blink of an eye.

I'm trying to finish up all my last minute projects at work. It seems that my company is living my the same mantra I am, as I got several new projects assigned to be yesterday, including designing and implementing a workflow before I leave. Sure, I can do that in four days! I am Super Woman after all :) I can't complain, it's one more thing I can add to the skills section of my resume.

The highlight of my day was having lunch with my old coworker. This fabulous woman was the first person I worked with at my very first editing job out of college. She took me under her wing, and helped me love my job. She's a sheer delight. It was great to catch up on her life and see her looking so fabulous. She left the educational publishing field to become a college professor. All I can say is that if I had taken her class in college, she would have been my favorite prof. I can only imagine how much fun she makes Children's Literature and Reading Comprehension. And yes, I took both of those classes. I was a bonified nerd, and an English major in college. It's something I don't like to reveal, as I feel like people will start scouring my posts for grammatical errors! I tend to make mistakes when I write late at night, which is exactly when I write all of my posts. All that being said, this lovely lady helped me reinforce all of my editorial skills, and made me realize what a blessing it is to work with nice people in your job. Even with the tremendous pressures of deadlines, and error-free administrations, she made my first job such a pleasant experience.

After work, I was going to go have dinner with L&G, but sadly, the proper ingredients were not removed from the freezer in time, so we had to cancel. That's ok, it gave me a good opportunity to go get a few cards for some of my closest friends, and have some much needed down time.

Unfortunately, the down time lead to me thinking about my departure, which lead to a full on tear fest. Pete called, and needless to say our talk included lots of discussion about my impending move, which made me overwhelmingly sad. And even though I'm excited about the move, it brought out all of the feelings I've been holding back for the last year. It was like I could finally let go. You see, I'm the "strong one" in my family. I'm the oldest child, and I've always been the person who is supposed to hold it all together. And even when my entire world crumbled last year, I held it together. I think I stopped and really cried a total of four times. In an entire year. And even though I know it's not healthy to do that, I did it because I've trained myself to not fall apart. And so here I am on the brink of the hardest move of my life, and I let all those held in emotions go. I let myself be sad and vulnerable. I embraced the feelings of sadness over leaving my friends, fear over not having a job, anxiety over living with my family for an indefinite period of time, and loneliness because I may not have many friends when I move. And I tried to share these feelings with Pete, and he just didn't understand them. He tried to tell me that I was thinking about it in the wrong way. And I knew where he was coming from, but I just wanted him to listen. And even though I know that men have this innate desire to fix everything, I wanted him to understand that I didn't need him to fix it.

When we got off the phone, I cried even more because I felt like I'd pushed him away, and on top of all the other feelings I was processing, it made me even more sad. I like this guy. For whatever reason that may be, I care for him. And I want him to see the fabulous person that I am, and not the mess that I appeared to be last night. I'm not a mess, I'm just a girl in the midst of a huge like change, and I have so many conflicting feelings about it. And as much as I know that's normal, I'd really like to hear it from someone else.

And so, after I finally got the release of emotion that I so desperately needed, I slept. And it was the first night of solid sleep that I've had in weeks. I woke up to a new day, and a new outlook. I know that things will be alright, and I can still be the girl that is strong in the face of uncertainty.

~ Miss L.A.

February 8, 2010: Highlights and Husbands (of the gay variety)

2010-02-09T10:35:00.000-06:00

Monday morning, post Super Bowl. Ugh. I think this should be a mandatory holiday. In the south, football is a religion, and we even cancel church for the Super Bowl. We all know that a good party includes spiked punch, beer, and loads of fattening food. Everyone is in a coma this morning. Even a large amount of DC didn't do it for me this morning! (That's Diet Coke for all you non-current or former addicts.)

After a snail's pace day at work, I finally made it to 5 o'clock! I peeled out of the parking lot, jamming to my music headed to see my favorite gay husbands (GH). That would be my hair dresser and his partner. Not only does my GH make my hair look incredible, but he happens to be a great friend as well. He throws great parties, gives great advice, and always helps lift my spirits just when I need it! I've decided every woman needs a GH. I have two, which is twice as nice. I'm sad to leave them behind, but thankfully GH has given me the holy grail, one of his coveted Saturday appointment slots. So, every 10 weeks, I'll be making the trek down to get foiled and trimmed, so my tresses will still look extra fabulous! For the deal I get on my hair, it's worth the trip.

And after my hair appointment, my GHs and their lovely daughter headed to one of our favorite restaurants for a farewell dinner. Complete with fajitas, sangria margarita and lots of laughs, it was a successful soiree. I was sad to leave, but I knew that this wasn't goodbye. The best part, is that even with my change of address, GH reminded me that the next time I'm in town, I'll likely have a much more fabulous life to match how fabulous I truly am. If that doesn't make you feel good, nothing will.

Good night,

Miss L.A.

February 7, 2010: It's a Saints Miracle

2010-02-09T09:14:00.000-06:00

I begrudgingly got out of bed this morning. It wasn't because I didn't want to go to church, it was just that I has driven 800 miles since Friday, and I was exhausted. I tackled too many emotionally and physically draining tasks this weekend and I just wanted to stay in bed. Too bad it was my last Sunday at my church, so I made the adult decision and I get my butt out of bed.

Church went by smoothly. I actually managed to say all of my goodbyes without crying. That was hard. I could tell that so many people were disappointed that I'm leaving. And they didn't really know what to say when I basically told them that I'm starting my life over. From Scratch. You'd think that people of faith would have better answers. Many stared at me with bewildered looks in their eyes. Some offerred great words of wisdom and encouragement, and for that I was grateful.

After church I went out for my last Sunday supper with Alex's parents. They are like my substitute parents. The one's that can be my emergency contact since my actual parents are 300 miles away. They've fed me, let me sleep at their house, come to my choir concerts, and loved me for the last four years. I'm forever indebted to them welcoming into their family.

After lunch I went home to try to get in a cat nap before the Super Bowl. This was not very successful. For some reason, no matter how hard I tried to sleep, I just could not accomplish this task. This has been an ongoing theme lately. Insomnia and I are fast becoming enemies.

I finally made it over to the Super Bowl party. We had fried turkey & cornbread with all the trimmings. Delicious! What made it all the sweeter was the Saints' victory! My precious aunt is a lifelong Saints fan. We're talking 40 dedicated years of watching her team lose. Yet no matter what, she loves them through every season. I understand this dedication. It must run in the family. I've watched my alma mater battle it out over the last 11 football seasons. Win or lose, I'll always bleed my team color.

The reason why this victory was even more special is that my aunt is currently battling cancer. The doctor's discovered stage 3 ovarian cancer in November, and she had major surgery in early December. She recovered very well and is now undergoing chemotherapy. Her hair has fallen out, but nothing has deterred her spirit and will to beat this disease. My aunt has always been an inspiration to me. She's strong, beautiful, funny, smart, and kick ass in every way. She's my friend. One of my best friends. She gives me great advice, and loves me through all my stupid choices. And so now it's my turn to encourage her. And so I cheered harder for the Saints than I've likely cheered for any team before. This is saying a lot, because I'm one of the most die hard sports fans you'll likely meet. And when they won, I nearly cried. And when I called my aunt, she did cry. Tears of joy for all those years of loyalty, and for finally getting to see her team do the unthinkable.

It was a good Sunday. :)

~ Miss L.A.

February 6, 2010: a glimpse of things to come

2010-02-07T16:32:00.000-06:00

Even after such a late night, I was up early after my nephews bounded in first thing in the morning. How can you be disgruntled at those adorable faces? You can't. They truly make me happy, even in the midst of all the uncertainty.

I helped my sister clean the house, unloaded my car, and made my plans for the day. Took a long hot shower, fixed my hair, threw on my fabulous new Tahari pumps and loaded the car again.

I headed into town to meet my good friend Sam for lunch. Sam and I have been friends for years. We went to church, high school, and college together. He's a photographer, and write's a fantastic style blog. We met for lunch and then he took me to look at a fantasic apartment. He's moving into them this month, and there is one other unit available. We're praying I get a job so I can move in as well. It's in the perfect location, and it's exactly what I'm looking for. Built in the 20s, hardwood floors, built in bookcase, original glass doorknobs, remodeled kitchen, and it even has a courtyard with a fountain! I just know that if I get to move in here, it will make this whole transition so much easier. I'd have a great friend nearby at all times, and I wouldn't feel like I'd lost all of my identity.

So, after looking at the place and talking over lunch, I was going to get back on the road. But as fate would have it, Pete called. We had discussed getting together while I was home, but he made other plans on Friday, and hadn't called yet. He apologized for the delay, and asked me to drop by. I weighed the matter, and finally decided to go. I don't know what to think about Pete. I like him. He's incredibly handsome; like in a way that the site of his eyes and smile instantly melt me. And I love to talk to him. What I'm unsure of is where he's coming from. We dated in late '09, but he got cold feet and stopped calling. I didn't know if I should give him a second chance. He gave me a very sincere apology when I arrived. He explained how he liked me so much, and it scared him, but he realized that he really wants to give 'us' a shot. Here's my problem. I got so incredibly hurt last year that I have a severe problem with trust. I trusted him once and he let me down. I feel like if I trust him again and he hurts me, it's my fault. I don't know what his intentions are with me. I know he likes me, but he sometimes seems distracted, and I honestly don't know if he is ready to be in a relationship. I'm not really ready for that either, but at the same time, I don't want to date a guy who is going to be dating several women at once. That's just not how I operate. I don't want to be his girlfriend, or even see him more than once or twice a week, but I don't feel comfortable with dating other people, or with him doing that either. That makes things hard. And we talked about this for a while, and at first I wasn't even sure where he stood. He finally kissed me and told me that he does really care and wants to "see where this goes." I am happy to do that, but I just want him to be honest with me. If he just sees me as someone to have fun with but nothing more, I'd really like to know. I am at a place where feeling vulnerable and unsure is something I don't have much room for in life.

Men. Sometimes I just wish I could read their minds for just a few moments. Maybe I could get some insight as to what exactly I should say and do so that this whole dating thing could be a lot easier for both of us.

~ Miss L.A.

February 5, 2010: on the road again

2010-02-07T16:12:00.000-06:00

The work day went by with a blur today. I knew I had a long drive ahead of me to take some stuff to my parent's house. I left James' house at 6:15. I stopped at Ally's to pick up my dog Molly and load the car with boxes. After a very long night of driving, I finally made it home. There were mixed emotions. I knew this would be the last time that I would drive home and be returning. It was weird to think that I only had a week left. This city has meant so much to me. I started my adult life here. I learned how to live on my own and how to be comfortable doing so. My mind raced about things to come in my new life. Will I be happy, like my job, fall in love? Will I stay here, or move again? Oh, it's the what ifs that make life so exciting sometimes.

Too tired to write anymore. Good night!

~ Miss L.A.

February 4, 2010: Much needed closure and taking things slow

2010-02-05T09:18:00.001-06:00

I woke up to another dreary morning of rain. It's been raining non-stop for the last four days, but it seems like the sun hasn't been out in ages. I'm starting to feel the effects.

With all the dreariness a much needed stop to Starbucks helped jump start my day. Work was uneventful, and went by slowly. I had lunch with my old roommate/X. Caught up on life, said what we needed to say, and parted on very good terms. I've decided that this whole moving to a new city thing is pretty great when it comes to getting closure that you've needed. I've been able to say all the things that I've wanted to say for the last six years, and don't have to feel bad about it anymore. It's nice to tell people how much they mean to you, and now much you want the best for them. It's even nicer when they open up and tell you how much you've meant to them as well.

So, after work, met Alex for sushi happy hour. Delicious as usual, and likely our last time to hang out and just chat for a long time. She's been such a great friend to me over the last four years. She's the friend that will always give it to you straight. She's genuine to a fault, giving, upbeat, beautiful, funny, and loads of fun. She's always the person to call when you want to laugh and have fun. I am so happy that she and James are starting their life together as husband and wife this year. It's really special when you are friends with the bride & the groom. It's something I haven't gotten to experience much. Most of time you are friends with one half of a couple and become friends with the other by default. Not the case with A&J. They are both my friends and I can call either of them to hang out, laugh, or just to chill. They compliment each other so well, and inspire me to never give up on love.

After dinner, I headed to my last church choir rehearsal. Everyone there is pretty sad about my departure. I love singing with them, and I'm sad to leave, but I know I'll find a good group soon enough in my new city.

After what seemed like the longest day, I finally made it home. Paul called to catch up, and we chatted until I nearly fell asleep. Just as I was nodding off, Pete called. Pete is a guy who I've known since high school. We weren't really friends then, but we went to school and church together and have always been casual acquaintances. We reconnected through the wonderous world of Facebook, after he offered to help me move last fall. We went on a few dates, but Pete got cold feet. I decided it was best to just let him be, and after a few weeks, he started calling again. Last night he told me he was "sorry for his freak out in December." I guess that was his way of apologizing. Needless to say I'm taking things slow with him. I'm not sure if I really want to date him or not. I need more time to talk to him to determine if I think he's really serious about me, or if I'm just someone that keeps him from being bored. I'm just proud of myself for not jumping in with both feet and being happy about taking it slow. It's a whole new outlook on dating, and one that I'm very happy with.

After two late phone calls, I fell asleep on the couch while listening to a great concert special on PBS featuring Patty Griffin, Emmylou Harris, Shawn Colvin, and Buddy Miller. What a way to slip into peaceful dreams.

~ Miss L.A.

February 3, 2010: Blast from the past

2010-02-04T00:44:00.002-06:00

Today continued on at work like yesterday. More indexing, merging, filing, and mind numbing. It's been raining here for the last two days, so it's tiring weather anyway. I had to bust out my iPod today just to stay awake. I'm not very caffeine dependent anymore, so it was bad when a cup of coffee and a Diet Coke didn't help. I had an interesting Facebook dialogue with my girlfriends about all of our current or past addictions to Diet Coke. I'm fortunately kicked my habit, but I still crave an icy can at least once a week. Many of them are still in full swing with their three of four DCs a day. It's been good for my wallet to wean myself off.

After surviving the day at work and safely navigating through the flooded roads, including an emergency shoe stop to purchase of some fab Tahari pumps, I made it home. I sank into the couch, ate my Chinese take out, and watched some crime dramas (my fave) and some college basketball. And then that's when the past came out of the blue and knocked on my door.

I had a hard time deciding if I would blog about this, as I'm not sure that I want everyone to know about certain aspects of my life, but I decided that I made a commitment to write about the significant events in my life that affect my year, and this definitely fits. It all started when I sent out a blanket message to let everyone know that I was leaving on the 12th to move, and I wanted to try to see all my friends to say goodbye. I included a few ex-boyfriends that I still consider friends on this message. I didn't expect any of them to reply, but I thought it was a nice courtesy to let them know.

So, one of them texted me back tonight to get the scoop on my impending move. He asked where I was staying, and wanted to know if he could stop by and see me. I think this guy is fantastic. Not fantastic for me, but just a good person. He's smart, he's handsome, he's funny, but he can't commit. He likes to rotate his girlfriends. He'll break up with one, and go back to the other, then switch. I'm not part of this equation, although I do occasionally see him since he has stayed friends with our mutual friends. So, X stops by and we chat. Things seem good. He's actually achieving all the goals he set for himself, and seems happy. And then it happened. We kissed. And it all just flowed from there. And I know that I'll never date this guy again, but we have a special connection from the unique situation we went through together. And as we layed there and talked and he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my forehead, I felt content and safe for the first time in so long. He asked me what was going through my head. I was honest with him. I told him that my last boyfriend had really hurt me and that I just couldn't let anyone else in. He asked why I let him in then. Simple, I've let him in before, and I trust him. I know that this surface stuff can't hurt me. It's when real love, emotions, and my heart get involved. I've already given this man a piece of my heart that I'll never get back. I'll always care about him, but I know that he can come over, kiss me, hold me, and walk away and it won't break me. Maybe that's not an emotionally healthy decision, but at this point, I needed to feel close to someone. I needed someone to hold me, and talk to me, and care about me. I needed to open my heart up just the tiniest bit so I could know that I was capable of that simple act again.

So, no matter what my friends might say, I'm glad I let him come over. If for anything, it will help me with closure when I leave next week. I think we both said things we needed to say for a long time. And we now both know that no matter what, we're both there for each other.

Good night,

Miss L.A.

February 2, 2010: Monotony abounds

2010-02-04T00:18:00.000-06:00

Tuesday. Normally new music Tuesday, but with the state I've been in lately, I'll have to catch up next week.

I went back to the office today, and by now the news is out that I've resigned. I've had mixed reactions. Some people have come up to me and seemed genuinely sad, others haven't even mentioned it. We're going to do a lunch next week, and possibly a happy hour. I'll miss a few people at my office. Namely my direct supervisor, Maria, who tells me all about her huge Hispanic family, and speaks TexMex when she gets excited. The two other marketing gals, Jo and Angel. They are awesome. Jo is close to my age, married and lives in a small town. She and I share a love for shopping and country music. Angel is about the same age as my mom and is hands down the sweetest lady ever. She prays for me, cooks for me, and brings a smile to my face everyday. She is everyone's ideal coworker. She faces some of life's hardest trials with a constant smile. Her husband has late stage Multiple Sclerosis, and is bedridden. They both are the happiest people I know. John, her husband, will call the office, and is always overjoyed to talk to me. I bake for him, and he calls and just oohs and ahhs over the treats.

So, with the good people I've gotten to know at work, it will be bittersweet to leave. Even with all the horrid communication, the gossip, the behind the back business deals, I will still miss my office. I'll leave with a great new set of skills and a new appreciation for my next job.

Unfortunately because I'm leaving, I am working on one mind numbing project after another. My day was filled with indexing and merging duplicate files. All 1600 of them. This will take days to complete, but at least when I'm done, I won't have to ever look at these files again. That alone brings a smile to my face.

'Til tomorrow,

Miss L.A.

February 1, 2010: Transition begins

2010-02-02T22:50:00.000-06:00

Monday. I got up, cleaned the house from top to bottom, and cleaned out the fridge. I was quite tired after all that work, and a weekend of packing and moving. I got a hot shower in and headed over to level out the ratio of food to beer at James' house. I ended up staying there for the rest of the day, and Alex came over to hang out as well. We spent a majority of the afternoon scheming good ideas for her wedding, and drinking apple wine. (Brewed by James and DELICIOUS.)

In the evening, some of the our posse headed over to chill while James brewed another batch of beer, and we all huddled around the brew pot to keep warm. We laughed, drank, and discussed the endless possibilities my life might take in just a few short weeks. I sat back and realized how blessed I've been the last six years to have friends like these. Friends that will sacrifice convenience and their homes just to make sure I have a place to stay. I'll miss them more than they know.

Time to get some rest.

Until next time,

Miss L.A.

January 31, 2010: Moving out and moving on

2010-02-02T22:45:00.000-06:00

Sunday. I drove back from Ally's house Sunday morning. I had to leave Molly behind, and it was bittersweet. I love my pup so much. She's my best friend, and constant companion. Knowing that I'll be spending two weeks away from her breaks my heart.

I got back to my house and started packing again. It was brutally cold, and after a solid effort, I made it over to James' house to unload my stuff. I'll be staying in the ultimate bachelor pad for the next two weeks, and it's going to be a good change of pace for me. Imagine a 50'' HD flat screen, PS3, Wii, Netflix on Demand, an iMac, recording equipment, a kegerator complete with 4 taps, and surround sound to top it all off. Oh, and the fridge has a 75/25 ratio of beer to food. And I'd say that quite a large sum of the food is actually condiments.

After I got settled in, I went back into town to eat dinner at L&G's house. My favorite Sunday night restaurant. We had spinach lasagna and caesar salad. Delicious. After a satisfying meal, I headed back to my place for one last night's sleep there.

Good night,

Miss L.A.

January 30, 2010: One chaotic weekend

2010-02-02T22:37:00.000-06:00

I first must apologize for being a little behind with my posts for the weekend. I've been moving and driving all over the place, and just haven't had a chance to write. My internet went down Saturday, so I'm just getting around to the last two days of posts.

So, Saturday I got up early and began packing, AGAIN. I feel like I've packed and moved more boxes in the last three months than just about any other time in my life. That's saying a lot since I've moved something like nineteen times in my life. I moved out of my fabulous house at the end of October of last year. I packed, sold, and stored all eleven hundred square feet of my belongings. All my worldly possesions now reside in a 16x8 foot box. When I finally get to my new city, get a job and a place to live, this box will be delivered to me so I can settle into my new home. You would think that after storing so many things that I wouldn't have much left. Unfortunately I filled up my little four-door sedan on two separate trips. I'm starting to think that I wish I could just sell everything I own and start over.

After a day of packing, Walmart shopping, and throwing things out, I drove up to see my best friend Ally and store some things in her garage. I also dropped off my most prized possession, my dog Molly, to stay with her for the week while I stayed at my James' house. He has three cats and I'm pretty sure Molly would lose an eye if she stayed there. She may only weigh seven pounds, but she thinks she can beat up a twenty pound cat anyday. :)

While I was visiting Ally, we went to see a great movie, Crazy Heart. You should seriously consider the soundtrack (Crazy Heart: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack). The acting was incredible. I loved every minute of it. If you are a music lover, run, don't walk to see this film. T Bone Burnett wrote the music, and it's some of the best country music that I've heard in a long time. I can't wait to see if they win for Best Original song at the Oscars.

After a long day, it was good to fall into bed and finally be able to get a full night's sleep. I could breathe well enough to sleep through the whole night. A first for the week.

Ciao for now,

Miss L.A.

January 29, 2010: I quit!

2010-01-29T23:38:00.000-06:00

So today I did something that I never thought I'd have the guts to do. I quit my job. That's right, Miss L.A. used her writing and speaking skills to sit down with the scary CFO and tell her that this wasn't going to work and that I would be leaving in two short weeks. And then I handed her my lovely written resignation letter. I even negotiated a small severance!

As you likely read in yesterday's post, my life is a little out of sorts at the moment. I've been living out of boxes, broke, sick, stressed, and unhappy at work. And even though I've only been doing my new secretary job for a few days, and people are already starting to talk to me like I'm stupid. People call, and I feel like they instantly assume that I'm an airhead.

So, after the crazy mix of it all, I decided that moving home and starting my life fresh in a new(ish) city would be the best option. I mean, it's not really that new because I lived there growing up, but it's been 11 years since I've lived there and I know that times have changed. I can't wait to see and catch up with my friends. I can't wait to find all the good restaurants, and my favorite hangouts, and just to rediscover my sense of curiosity.

After all the bad of yesterday, I'm finishing today on a high note. I'm ready to take this next step and make sure that my 2010 is the best year I've ever had.

Cheers,

Miss L.A.

January 28, 2010: 'Twas a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

2010-01-28T23:33:00.001-06:00

I have to start this post out by talking about someone else's day. Because even though my day wasn't great, my dear, dear friend experienced the worst pain of life, losing a child. Kate and I have been friends for twenty years. She's a person I've looked up to since the 4th grade. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's witty, and she's the sweetest spirit you'll ever meet. She has the most rock solid faith of just about any woman I've ever met. She lost her baby today. The sweet angel was born and lived for two precious hours on this earth. When I got the news my heart just broke. I can't imagine how she and her husband must feel. It's a helpless feeling to see your friend in pain and not be able to do anything to repair it. I've been praying for sweet Kate all day today, and I will hold her and her sweet baby in my heart always.

Needless to say even after I had an awful morning, hearing that news gave me some perspective. I know that all things, no matter how bad they seem can always be worse. And for whatever reason things happen, they do, and you can't let the bad things keep you down. When you're broken, you can't stay broken. You've got to put in some effort to glue the pieces back together.

And so I sit here broken. I'm broken from my relationship that turned into a terrible web of lies. I'm broken from the impending loss of my job. Broken from the fact that all too soon I'll be leaving my city to move back home to be closer to my family. Broken from the fact that I feel like I've lost most of my friends because it seems like bad news follows me around. I hate calling anyone anymore because I just know that they think, Gee, I wonder what else could have happened to her now? Deep down I hope that my real friends don't really feel that way, but my insecurities repeatedly make me feel otherwise. Ultimately, I'm ready to share some good news. Even though I'd say I'm happy, I want to be back to the old me that couldn't ever stop smiling, who always had her glass half full, and who was the ultimate optimist. I miss that version of myself. I haven't seen her in a while and I'm ready to put her back on display and make sure she never leaves again.

So, it's time to pack all the baggage up (literally and figuratively) and get back on that path. I'm ready to see what's around the next bend :)

Ciao,

Miss L.A.

January 27th, 2010: Hot Toddy & Music for the Soul

2010-01-27T22:39:00.000-06:00

So my laryngitis is now in full gear. I can't talk, I can't sing, and everyone who talks to me on the phone thinks I'm crying. So, after dealing with this all day, my momma instructed me to make myself a hot toddy for bed. So, I took down my hidden bottle of Jim Beam, some honey, and lemon juice and went to town. I'm sipping it as I type this blog entry. Please excuse any grammatical errors or run on sentences. :)

I finished listening to my new music from yesterday, and I'm on cloud nine. I can't believe that I got two great, yet totally different albums yesterday. The Lady A Need You Now album is awesome. It's just as good, if not better than the last album. It's so rare to find new artists that can produce solid albums back to back. I can't even decide what track is my favorite, but I know that "When You Got a Good Thing" was really hitting home today. I'm not quite sure why since I don't exactly have a 'good thing' going on with any man in my life, but it's a sweet song. Let's hope once I get all settled in my new town, my new job, and a some new digs, that I can get a good thing!

I'm really ready for bed tonight after a long day at work. I started my new 'job duties' today, and they aren't much fun. I'm grinning and bearing it though. I'd like to go out on a high note. I'm not one to do a half ass job at things, so when someone throws a challenge at me, even if it's just sitting through a remedial task without squirming, I'll take it. So, let's hope tomorrow is a little easier to swallow, literally and figuratively. I'll see if this Hot Toddy is going to work afterall.

Buono Notte,

Miss L.A.

January 26, 2010: My love for Tuesdays

2010-01-27T10:37:00.000-06:00

So even though I've totally lost my voice today, I'm ecstatic. It's New Music Tuesday. While most people have no affinity for Tuesdays, I long for them. I know that each Tuesday, a slew of new albums will be released for my listening pleasure. I can't even begin to describe how much music means in my life. Music has soothed my soul when I've been sad, made me dance when I'm happy, and helped me release stress when I'm angry. It's a constant in my life like nothing else. Most people laugh when they get in my car and see how many CDs I have floating around. (Sadly, my car isn't in the 21st century, and doesn't have an iPod adapter.)

After a long day at work, full of meetings and brainstorming sessions, I raced to the store to purchase two of my anticipated releases. Patty Griffin's Downtown Church and Lady Antebellum's Need You Now. I was pleasantly surprised to find them both on sale, so I walked out of the store with both albums for less than twenty dollars. Total score!

I'd likely need to write an entire blog entry on Patty Griffin. She is my music icon. I don't like to use the word idol, as I really don't ever want any person to be my idol. I think it's the preacher's kid in me. Yes, I'm a preacher's kid, again, another blog entry. I've been in love with Patty Griffin's music since 1999. That was the first time I heard her sing Let Him Fly. I'd heard the Dixie Chicks' cover of it, and was intrigued to hear the original version. Needless to say I cried when I heard it. And then back in the days of Napster, I found many of Patty's songs online. I fell in love with her. Her music literally opened my soul. She is one of the main reasons I started singing again. I have been singing since I was three years old. My first solo was at age four in church, while standing on a stool to reach the microphone. I sang in every choir imaginable through high school. My childhood music teacher was murdered when I was a freshman in college and that lead me to stop singing for quite some time. I finally began singing again in the fall of 2003 when I performed several songs, including Let Him Fly, at at open mic night after being encouraged by my friends. I haven't stopped singing again since. I've had the pleasure of seeing Patty Griffin in concert many times. I actually got to meet her at my first Patty concert in 2004. It was a moment I'll never forget. I was quite speechless. I'll treasure that photo for the rest of my days. And I got to share it with my BFF and fellow Patty lover, Ally. A few years back, Ally gave me one of the best gifts I've ever received, a portrait of Patty Griffin that she painted inspired by my favorite photo. If my house were burning down, that would be one of the few things I'd grab. It's that special to me and could never be replaced.

Needless to say the new album is incredible. It's a Gospel collection, which happens to be one of my favorite genres of music. Patty's soul creeps into every note, and it resonates. I've listened to the album twice now, and I know that my love for it will continue to grow. I would highly encourage anyone who's never heard of her to check her out. Her music will change your life, it's that good!

That's about all I can write for now. I'll have to get back on the Lady A album in my next post. Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone enjoys the new blog design. I really love how it turned out! Thanks to Penny Lane Designs for all your work. Check out their link at the bottom of the blog.

Cheers,

Miss L.A.

January 25, 2010: An Anniversary & Monstrous Meeting

2010-01-26T11:34:00.000-06:00

Today is my parent's 40th wedding anniversary. That's 14,600 days that they have been married. They are still very much in love. Looking at the relationship they have gives me hope that I'll find someone great to share my life with. They met in February of 1969 in college, and got married just 11 months later. I used to imagine having a whirlwind romance like that until what I went through last year with DB. Now I know it will take me quite a bit of time to fully trust and love someone. So happy for my units and glad they had me and my sister. I have an amazing family!

So, my day at work went along smoothly enough until I had the meeting I'd been dreading. It lasted for an hour and a half, and didn't really go as I had hoped. I'm basically being backed into a corner. They are eliminating my current role, and offering me a receptionist job with 'special projects as needed.' In other words, I'm a secretary. I did not spend four years at one of the top universities in my state and nation to become a secretary. I explained to the CFO that I have many talents and abilities that won't be utilized in this position. I asked about room to grow. She dodged around the question, but essentially said that unless our firm grew, that I wouldn't be able to grow. No room for raises, no room for learning new skills, basically no room for any expansion for me as a person. This sounds dreadful to me. I can't imagine doing a monotonous task every day. I'm a person who thrives on challenges. So, she is basically asking me to accept the new "demotion" or to quit. If I quit, I'll be without health insurance and a paycheck.

To make matters worse, my living situation is about to hit the fan. I've been living at a friend's house while she lives with her boyfriend. I pay all the bills, and half of her rent. I didn't move anything in, save my clothes, so I'm essentially house sitting, but being charged. I clean, I water, I take care of the place. I've been living out of a few boxes and a suitcase for the last three months. This arrangement was working out well until my friend, who I'll call Jane, decided that she wants to move back in, and let her boyfriend move in with her. So, I have no place to live in a few weeks. And if I have to keep my job, I'll have no choice but to quit.

I feel like I'm literally between a rock and a hard place. Going to repeat my mantra for the year, "Keep the faith."

Off to sleep and escape from this reality for a few hours.

January 24, 2010: Back to Reality

2010-01-24T23:40:00.000-06:00

So I finally felt like myself again today. It was so great to get up, get ready, and leave the house and actually feel good again. I went to church this morning, and the sermon was on Metamorphosis. I thought the topic was a bit ironic, being that I'd been stuck in the cocoon of my house this week. It was good to see my friends Alex and James at church and we chatted and caught up on life. Alex and I planned on grabbing sushi sometime soon so we can catch up on her wedding plans.

After church I came back home and continued with some of my reading, and watched an episode of Dexter. I'm still trying to catch up on the fourth season, and from what everyone has told me, I'm in a for some big surprises at the end. I refuse to cheat and read any spoilers. I'm excited to see where this season ends.

I ended the day having dinner over at L&G's house. We made some delicious French dishes, including carrot and turnip gratin, complete with Gruyere cheese sauce, and buttered bread crump topping. Delicious. Not a bad meal to introduce my stomach back to real eating. Being that I've survived on soup, ice cream, and gatorade for the last 5 days, I was ready to eat some real food again. L and I drank wine, chatted about work and life, and sipped on hot chocolate for dessert. We decided that I would teach her how to make biscuits next weekend, and have another Sunday dinner. It's a great ritual we have, and I always leave with an armful of leftovers. Yum.

So after a wonderful day of great weather, good company, and delicious food, I'm off to bed to prep for my big meeting tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Ciao,
Miss L.A.

January 23, 2010: Up in the Air

2010-01-23T20:02:00.001-06:00

So I'm still resting to insure that I don't relapse into my sickness. I want to make sure I'm ready to take the bull by the horns on Monday. I caught up on some reading, talked to a few friends, and watched a movie.

I've been meaning to watch Up in the Air for a few weeks now, but haven't had time. My friend Paul saw it and has been dying to discuss it with me. Wasn't prepared for it to hit home quite so much. I really identified with both of the main characters in the movie. Ryan Bingham, played by George Clooney, and Natalie Keener, played by Anna Kendrick. I'm in the middle of these two. I'm not in my first job, but I'm not so settled in either. I still feel the naivety of Natalie's character, but I'm a bit jaded like Mr. Bingham. I can see the go getter persona, and the I know what I'm doing persona. I want to believe that my ideal mate is out there, but I'm more in the I'm likely going to have to settle camp. I realize that may be the jaded part of me talking, because anyone close to me knows that I'm a romantic at heart. I want to fall in love and have a great career, and do it all. I'm a great juggler, but I wonder if I'll ever get so jaded that I turn into Mr. Bingham, and when I finally do let someone in, am I just going to be there escape? Or worse yet, am I too much like Natalie, and I get emotionally involved with my jobs, so that I can't handle it when it gets hard. I just hope that since I'm choosing to move on in my life, that I'll find what I really love to do, and I don't end up being married to an airport or my suitcase. My heart broke for Mr. Bingham's character. I'm all for the travel, and the enjoyment of your work, but I hope I don't end up with an empty backpack and life like he did.

I think that's enough psychoanalysis for one night. Good night.

January 22, 2010: Legal talk

2010-01-23T19:51:00.000-06:00

Going on day three of being sick. Very ready to rejoin the ranks of society. I slept again today until my fever broke and then struck out trying to come up with some ideas about where exactly I want my life to take me next. I've been considering law school as an option, so I spent some time today researching schools and deciding when I should take the LSAT. I've decided that I'll take it, see how I do, and then decide if I'll apply to any schools. I wouldn't even consider going until 2011, so I've got some time to think about my options. I'm still looking for new careers, considering my singing, and what other talents I have that I really enjoy and could utilize in a career. That's ultimately what I want. A career. I'm tired of jobs. Jobs that just pay the bills, that pass the time. I want something that I can grow in, that can utilize my intelligence, my gifts, my passion, and my desire to make this world a better place. Maybe I just dream big, but I feel like I can attain those things. Maybe it's the medicine head talking, but I hope that I'll find it soon.

Good night.

January 21, 2010: rest and recover

2010-01-21T21:59:00.002-06:00

So I was once again confined to the house today as I'm still contagious with strep throat. I slept on and off throughout the day, only to read or watch a bit of a movie when I was awake. I've had ice cream and gatorade for the last two days and could really use some actual food pretty soon. I'm going to work tomorrow no matter how I feel, so let's hope I can make it through my meeting with the CEO in one piece. Hey if the meeting turns nasty, maybe I can just hope that they catch strep from me :)

One of my dear friends Paul called to cheer me up this evening, and we chatted until I was too tired to speak. Paul and I have been friends for five years. He lives in the East, and we've had a long and at times complicated relationship. Paul and I met on a dating site when I first graduated from college. The membership was a gift from my parents as they thought I could use some help meeting people after I moved to a new city. Somehow Paul and I got matched even though we live in different parts of the country. We emailed, talked, and finally met about a year into our friendship. There is definitely chemisry there, but neither of us could ever imagine moving that far to give us a real shot. He's so incredibly dear to me. He makes me laugh, he's intelligent, opinionated, loves his friends and family, he loves his routines, and he apologizes to no one. He tells the best stories of anyone I know. In a perfect world, we'd definitely give it a go, but I'll settle for his friendship anyday. I can't imagine a day going by without talking to Paul. He was pretty sick last year, and for a while I was worried. I even considered flying up to be with him for a major surgery he went through. I'd do anything for the man, but I don't think he will ever know how much I care about him. In my heart I just hope he knows.

So after our conversation, I went and appropriately medicated myself with my various prescriptions in order to get a good night's sleep. I'm ready for a relaxing weekend. I'm going to concentrate on rest and the job search. Let's hope that this time next month, I'll be settled into a new city with wonderful possibilities and beginnings waiting for me.

Ciao,

Miss L.A.

P.S. I also added a few items on my blog. I added a link to donate to the Red Cross for the Haiti disaster. These people's lives are worse than any of the poorest people in our own country. Please consider giving anything you can afford. Every little bit helps.

I also added links to support my family members who've lost or are currently battling cancer. My aunt is currently undergoing treatment for Ovarian cancer. This is a hard disease to discover, so read up ladies. Knowing the symptoms could save a life.

Colon cancer research is also a cause I really support. I've lost my grandfather, an ex-boyfriend, and a dear friend's mother to this disease. If you have a history, get a colonoscopy done. Encourage anyone you know over 50 to get this done yearly. You might save their life.

I've lost too many people in my life to cancer. I hope that we find a cure in my lifetime. Just remember that whatever you can do helps. Please leave me a comment if you'd like anymore information about these causes.

I'll climb off my soap box now. Thanks for listening!

January 20th: The two best ladies and one sore throat

2010-01-20T22:39:00.001-06:00

So today my two favorite women of all time were born. My mother (Madre) and my sister (Sis). I am so gratefu to have such amazing women in my life. I wish they lived closer, but I'm hoping that will soon be the case.

I was really hoping to call and serenade them with their usual birthday song, but alas, I've come down with strep throat, and I'm home sick. My blog post won't be all that exciting today as I'm feeling pretty wretched.

The one thought of the day I'll have is this. I've come to realize that most people in this world have no idea how to be sympathetic, and they only think of themselves. Now I realize that as a single woman, I often think of myself. However, if you ask most of my friends, they'll usually say that I'm the most loyal and giving person they know. I'm happy to invite you over, lend you things out of my closet, or help out when a friend is sick or just plain lonely. I still love snail mail, and I send cards for very small reasons. That being said, I've realized in the business world that no one wants to be kind unless they want something from you. Even when I was at work today with a 100 degree fever, my boss wanted me to go pick up his lunch. When I explained that I was sick and waiting for my doctor's appointment, he promptly went and asked someone else, and proceeded to bribe her by buying her lunch. Did he even offer to pick something up for me even though I was sick? No. And did I order his lunch and get everything ready for his meeting? Yes. But I guess that's just the way some people work. I'm done expecting people to be kind, even when you feel like complete and utter crap. I think some people enjoy seeing others down. It makes them feel like their life isn't so bad. The sad thing is that my life, even with strep throat, is better than most of my coworkers will ever be. Why? Because I approach my life with wonder, joy, love, hope, and awe. And most of the people I encounter harbor hate and bitterness, and have become so hardened that they've lost the ability to care for others. No matter what happens to me, I know I'll never become that way. So, even though I can't sing, there is a song in my heart that will never die.

Buono Notte,

Miss L.A.

January 19th, 2010: Hell is gonna freeze over

2010-01-19T23:10:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder why people underestimate me. I quickly realize it's because I so often hold back that they never see all the cards in my hand. For instance, at work I'll get asked a question by a coworker. Sometimes I'll instantly know the answer, but I'll act like I don't so I don't come off as a know it all. Or when my boss is trying to calculate numbers, and I do the math in my head, but punch it out on the calculator, because I don't want him to know that I'm smarter than he is. Why do I do that? I shouldn't let stereotypes define who I am. So, from now on, I'll show my cards proudly and exclaim just how much I have to offer.

The reason I had these thoughts was that once again, my favorite coworker, Donna, decided to rain on my parade. She's much older than I am, divorced, and bitter at the world. I think she's so incredibly jealous of my life, that her ultimate goal is to be as mean and hateful as possible to me. She acts like an incredible know it all, even though she's wrong 99% of the time. But who's counting? I finally just let it go and went about my business. I've written her nice emails, brought her coffee, gotten her a birthday card, but all to no avail. She's just going to stay bitter. I guess by now it just suits her.

So the CEO and CFO of my company finally decided they have time to meet with me, and our meeting is scheduled for Friday morning. Joy. Now I'll hopefully have some answers and closure will be in sight. It is safe to say that after all of that I was very glad for the day to be over.

I headed home to get ready to meet my old friend Benson for dinner. Benson (Ben) and I grew up together, attended the same high school and college, and he now is an attorney where I live. We've been meaning to catch up since the holidays, but haven't had time. I wanted to get some advice from him about Law, as I'm considering law school as an option of what I might want to do with my life. My dad is a former attorney, and since I'm always being told that I'm "just like him," it seems like a feasible option. I also really enjoy debating, so it may be a good fit. Ben and I met for drinks and dinner and caught up on family and friends. He listened intently and gave me great advice. He told me he thought I'd make an excellent attorney, and asked thoughtful questions. We laughed and had a grand time as usual. And then that's when it happened. Hell froze over. You see, Ben is a confirmed bachelor. He's the guy that's always said he'll never get married. He's incredible intelligent, funny, confident on the border of being cocky, and an all around great guy. He's as wild as they come, and loves following his own rules. But apparently he finally met his match. He announced that he is getting married, and couldn't be happier. My jaw literally dropped. I'm just so happy for him, because I think this is the happiest and most content I've ever seen him. I decided right there that if Ben can finally settle down, and give up his bachelor pad, and his wild side, that NOTHING is impossible. He gave me a great speech about finding love, and how it hits you in the face, and that he hoped that one day very soon we could sit down again, and I'd be giving him the same great news. What a nice thing to say. He told me I deserved it, and for the first time in a long time, I actually believed him.

I've come a long way baby. :)

Good night.

January 18th: MLK day

2010-01-18T22:09:00.000-06:00

While most of my friends and family had the day off, my office was open and very busy today. Our CFO told me she wanted to meet with me this week to discuss my job transition, but 'will let me know when she has an opening.' At that rate, I may have to wait another month to find out the future of my job, and when I'm officially being laid off. I found plenty to do, and began clearing out my desk so that I won't leave anything to sort through once I do actually leave. I think that's the nicest thing I can do for my coworkers since they'll be absorbing my duties.

I got home and did some dishes, returned some calls, and then decided to get in a good workout. It's been a while since I've hit the gym. I've got a really bad ankle that I had surgery on a few years back, and I re-injured it a few months ago and haven't been able to work out in some time. It was a great feeling to sweat and work off some steam. I rewarded myself with a good dinner and hot bath, and I'm going to get to bed early. Let's hope tomorrow is a great Tuesday. I'm already anticipating the weekend.

Good night.

January 17th: Half way to 29

2010-01-18T22:03:00.000-06:00

Woke up with a splitting headache. Note to self, don't drink quite so much the next time I go out with the boys. Had to revamp quickly as the NFL playoff games were starting early, and I had a party to attend. Got over to MJ's house just in time for kickoff. In true Southern fashion, I arrived with snacks and alcohol. My mother raised me right after all. I quickly settled into the game and after a little hair of the dog was as good as new. Even though the game didn't have the outcome I would have liked, we had a great time eating delicious smoked ribs, and all the trimmings. We played a game of football in the backyard afterwards, and only had to send the boys over the fence three times for the ball. It was quite hilarious to see them try to charge the fence on their way back over. They complimented me on my receiving skills, and toward the end of the game, I had a nice spiral pass going on. All in all, a great Sunday afternoon.

After the game I came home and relaxed with some of my favorite shows from the week, a good meal, and went to bed early. It was a fantastic weekend.

January 16th: The G Bar

2010-01-18T21:58:00.000-06:00

Saturday started off very productive. I did ALL my laundry, updated my resume, searched for jobs, and did some cleaning. I took my sweet time getting ready, even giving myself a full salon quality blowout for my hair. I put on a good outfit, and hit the door to meet up with two of my best gay friends. Brad & Doug met me at our local movie diner to watch Leap Year, have a few pints, and eat dinner. It's so great that you can get waited on while you watch a movie. I wish I had come up with that idea. Genious.

So after the movie we decided to hit up the new gay pub in town. This place was my dream come true. An Irish pub complete with huge plasma TVs showing sports games, right next to Beyonce music videos. It's any female sports fan's ideal. They poured huge delicious cocktails, and there was plenty of eye candy to behold.

After a few drinks there, we decided to hit up our favorite club. We got there early, (before midnight in this club scene), so we were able to grab a few drink specials. Imagine a pristine white room. White bar, white floor, white chandeliers, even white TVs. Think Whitney, Madonna, Britney, Alicia, Fergie, Beyonce ALL NIGHT LONG. I ran into several of my other friends, and it was great to catch up with them. I danced, and danced, and danced. Free drinks were coming out of the woodwork. I'm not exactly sure why gay men love me so much, but they do. If I'm having self esteem issues, this is the place to go. I was showered with compliments. Girl, I love your top. Dang diva, you are looking fierce. God sure must have loved you to give you such amazing boobs. :) The list could go on and on. I made some great connections, and left feeling on top of the world. As for the next morning, well my head was aching, but it was so worth it.

January 15th, 2010

2010-01-15T22:24:00.000-06:00

I'm SO glad it's Friday! Man, these last two weeks have been a little rough. I went in to work today to prep for our offsite meeting that started around noon. Got all I needed to accomplish at the office, then trudged across town in the torrential downpour to make it to the meeting. All twenty marketing packages complete, powerpoint presentation on the flash drive, and all handouts ready to go. A week and a half preparing for this meeting and was so glad that it was almost over.

And when I arrive I wait outside for half an hour because the first session ran over. And one of the officers of our company comes out and tells me that they will be scrapping the entire second half of the meeting. All my work for nothing. And after I finish my lunch, they have the audacity to tell me to go back to the office on the opposite side of town. When the rest of the staff that had driven over as well asked about this they were told they could go home. So I asked my boss if I too could have the day off, and he wanted to know if I could go in to make ONE phone call to schedule an appointment for him in mid-February. Um, seriously? So, I made the executive decision that said phone call could wait 'til Monday and that I'd be heading home. Countless hours of overtime, missed lunches, and trips acorss town later and they still weren't satisfied. All this after they told me that they were eliminating my job. I'm all for loyalty, but that just about pushed me over the edge.

And so I came home and enjoyed a relaxing afternoon at my house, enjoying the rain and time with my dog. I hope that the rest of my weekend shapes up to be as good as this afternoon. Good night!

January 14th, 2010

2010-01-15T09:51:00.001-06:00

I woke up this morning and just felt "off". And then it hit me. It had been a year ago that I had to do the unthinkable. A year since my family had been shattered. A year since he left us in a tragic, horrible ending. And my heart broke all over again for my sister, and my nephews, and his family. There was an accident, and then the ICU, and doctor's reports, and tears, and machines, and hugs, and pictures, and stories, and then he was gone. And I had to tell my nephews that he was never coming back. And it broke my heart into so many pieces that I'm sure I won't ever get some of them back. And I had to be strong for her. I couldn't break down, because she needed me to hold her up. And I sang to honor him, even though the song nearly broke me right there. And sometimes I wonder what would have happened had he still been here, but I realize that he touched all of our lives in the way he was meant to.

And even after remembering all that pain, I pushed through the day. It was hectic, and emotionally draining, and I was worried about my aunt all day as she began chemo treatments to poison her body to kill the cancer that's been trying to eat away at her. It was hard to complete the tasks at work knowing that I am going to leave this place soon. How can you put your all into a place that doesn't have a place for you anymore? I guess that's why layoffs are a sudden thing. Once you know you're leaving, it's hard to care anymore.

Here I am trying to care, trying to work hard, and help everyone succeed. But I'm trying to decide where I'm headed, and what and where I really want to be. This road may be a long one. Let's just hope that it can only improve from here.

January 13th, 2010: Time to move on

2010-01-13T23:41:00.000-06:00

So work seemed to go on as usual, until my boss called me in this afternoon. She informed me that because both of people that I had done marketing for in the past had quit, they would be transitioning my position out to lesser duties. They are essentially making me a receptionist at work with "other duties" and are giving me time to look for another job. They are very aware that I'm overqualified and too easily bored to answer the phone all day. And so, my job search continues. And I had a bit of a meltdown about this evening. I decided that after being laid off from a job in 2007, that 3 years seems to be too soon to have gone through 2 more jobs. It just seems like I should have accomplished more by now. I should be singing more, be married, be in a long term career. I don't own a house, I can barely scrape by, and I don't have a job that I'm passionate about. This is one of the many reasons I chose to write this blog. I want some of those things. I want passion. I want to have something to show for all my hard work. I don't want to be broke anymore. Poor maybe, but not broke. So I'm hoping that this wild goose chase that I'm on leads me to a great place. I can't handle another meltdown like tonight. I don't own stock in Kleenex, but maybe I should rethink that. I've gone through so many boxes in the last year that I likely kept them in business in my city :) So, no more tears. Happy thoughts from now on. And be ready and willing to accept help that is offered to me. It might not be offerred more than once.

January 12, 2010

2010-01-13T23:33:00.000-06:00

Another blah day at the office. I did get to venture into the catering world for a while, but once again the powers that be wanted the standard fare, so all my creative efforts were foiled. I'm also continuing to drudge through marketing packets for everyone in the firm. Let's hope they actually use all the information I'm collecting and don't just trash it.

Work flew by and I ran home to fix my hair and makeup to make it to the game. Once I was sufficiently thrown on my ghastly dress, I made it to the the stadium. Our choir wears the most hideous uniforms. Imagine a black floor-length polyester dress with gathered pouf shoulders, complete with shoulder pads. Throw in an elastic waist and wrists, and a cowl neck to boot. It's a fashion abomination. Thankfully from far away they just look like a black blob.

Once inside I was forced to stand for 90 minutes in my heels on the concrete floor while we completed a sound check and went through the entrance and exit plans. After a long day at work, my heels began to hurt. By the end of the night, my feet were screaming from pain.

The performance went splendidly, and it was very fun to be standing next to some NBA superstars. (One of them just wed a socialite in a hasty courtship. She wasn't in attendance, unfortunately.) I enjoyed the remainder of the game, and sat next to a handsome frenchman. He has duel citizenship, and had a sexy accent. He spoke of his love of soccer, and french food. He's an auditor for the state, and at the end of the night gave me his card. We'll see if I decide to call him the next time I'm in our state capital.

Ended the night by falling into bed and setting a record on how quickly I could crash. There would be no pondering of what tomorrow might hold.

January 11, 2010

2010-01-12T10:21:00.000-06:00

Ugh, back to work again. I'm at least free of some of the duties that I had before my job so drastically changed. I hated some of the monotonous tasks that I had to do, and now I have a little more creativity in my daily work chores. We'll see how long that lasts before they 'redefine' my work duties as they've been planning to do.

The morning flew by, and I left work early to grab Rick and take him to the airport. We said our goodbyes, and I went to get my haircut by my friend, and all around fabulous hair dresser, who I'll call HD. We chatted, and laughed, and he of course made me look and feel fabulous. He's such a doll, and I don't care if I ever move away, I'll likely drive or fly so he can do my hair. He's THAT good.

After my haircut I drove over for my choir rehearsal since we've got a big performance on Tuesday. I'm a member of the symphony chorus in my city, and it's been an amazing experience the last 5 years. We've sung amazing classical works, and performed with some extremely famous and talented individuals. We've even performed at Carnegie Hall. Tomorrow we're performing the National Anthem at an NBA game. There will be around 20-25 of us, and we're singing a four part harmony acapella version. We really nailed it at rehearsal and I'm really looking forward to it. After a late night of rehearsing, I headed home to get some sleep. I'm excited for tomorrow and seeing a great game of basketball after our performance. It's already a great week!

January 10th, 2010

2010-01-12T10:11:00.000-06:00

Rick and I got up this morning and went to breakfast. He wanted me to show him around the city, so I drove him to all the famous landmarks in the city and showed off some of the great architecture in the neighborhoods. I was impressed with how well I could get around. I guess after six years of living in the same place, I'm pretty good at navigating the back roads.

After the drive we decided to go catch another movie. We saw Youth in Revolt. Wasn't sure if I was going to like it, but it was a really intelligent film, and quite funny. I laughed out loud at some of the lines, and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't a film full of 'stupid' humor.

After the movie we came home to relax for a bit. Rick showed me some of the pictures from his deployment overseas and we both took a cat nap.

Sunday evening we headed over to Alex and James house to watch James brew some beer. He built a kegerator out of a deep freeze and cut and stained wood mounting to the sides. He attached vintage keg taps and turned this freezer into a work of art. I was very impressed with all the work that he'd put into it. The beer was very tasty, and we had a great time chatting and hanging out. Alex and James recently got engaged, and are two of my dearest friends. I'm very excited for them. They are so in love, and over the four years of our friendship, I've seen their love grow for each other. They have the kind of relationship that I hope to have one day. I know their wedding will prove to be one of the highlights of the year.

After a wonderful night of beer, apple wine, and good conversation, Rick and I headed back home so I could get a good night's sleep to start my week. I'm sad that he must leave tomorrow, but I'm glad we finally got to catch up after all these years.

January 9th, 2010

2010-01-10T17:39:00.001-06:00

Saturday was a great day. Began with introducing Rick to a local hole in the wall for breakfast, then quick trip into Walmart to grab some gear for our sports' event for the evening. We then headed to see Avatar. It was clearly a popular choice as we had to sit on the front row for the movie. It was definitely an anti-war, green statement film. I really enjoyed the special effects and the music, and overall it was a great movie. I'd like to go see it again in 3-D, but I'll be sitting in the back to enjoy it next time. It was so graphic that sitting up close made me dizzy.

After the movie we headed over to L&G (Lauren & Gene)'s house. They are some of my closest friends. I was in their wedding a few years back, and they are always so sweet to have me over for dinner a few times every month. We piled in the car and headed to the sports' bar to watch the NFL playoffs. My other dear friend Alex met us at the bar. Lauren, Alex and I chatted about Alex's upcoming wedding and we drank and had a good time while Rick and Gene discussed the war in Iraq and Rick's recent deployment. Our team won, so most left in high spirits. We headed home and were in bed again by midnight.

The best part of getting a little older is that I can go out, have a good time, get a good night's sleep and wake up hangover free. Here's to a great Sunday!

January 8th: Old friends are the best

2010-01-10T17:31:00.000-06:00

Well after writing a novella in my last post, I got a little behind on my posts for the last few days. I've had company in town for the weekend. My oldest friend, Rick, was in town this weekend. We're three weeks a part and his parents are my god parents.

Friday was the day he arrived. After a good day at the office, I picked him up at the airport around 9 and we headed out to eat dinner. We laughed and caught each other up on life and decided we were old after finishing one margarita and feeling too tired for another. We headed home around 11 and called it a night. It was a great feeling to be with him and to know that even after not seeing each other for eight years that we could pick up right where we left off.

January 7th: Better late than never

2010-01-08T16:11:00.001-06:00

So I sort of fell into bed last night without writing. Darn BCS National Championship game. I am a woman who has a real love for football, whether I even like either team playing. I'm always sad when the final game in college football is played for the season. I wasn't really routing for either team last night, but I was really sad to see the QB from Texas get hurt. (And yes, I know his name, but remember I don't use names in this blog!). And the poor freshman who had to come in and replace him. Talk about pressure. Props to him for coming together in the third quarter.

So enough about football. Yesterday was all in all a good day. I had a good project to work on at the office. I actually got to use some of my brain matter and the day flew by nicely. I was excited to go over to my friends' house, the ever so funny Mags. She always lightens the mood with her office stories and general banter about life.

I felt like I was getting a little old when I was so tired that I just wanted the game to end so I could go home. That was a long drive home on the coldest night of the year. Little did I know that I when I got home and innocently checked my email that I would be greeted by correspondence from the man who nearly ruined my life. We'll call him DB, or dirt bag.

A synopsis on DB: We met in January 2009. A few meetings for coffee here and there. He seemed charming, shared a love for music, was highly intelligent, well traveled, and very polite. He loved wine, good restaurants, was religious, had a good relationship with his parents, had friends, loved sports, and was mildly funny. He seemed like a good guy. My friends approved, he brought me flowers, showered me with gifts, and was happy with taking things slow. DB seemed perfect. And with much of the rest of my world crumbling about me, he was a rock in a time when I needed it. Looking back now, I see many of the flaws I should have caught. He was jealous a little too early; he glossed over too many important questions that I brushed off as being coy. When he surprised me with a vacation just a couple of months in, I was thrilled. I should have been more suspect. We began to fight, he got more jealous, but he was putting up with all my life crises, so I thought this was ok. In the midst of all of this my roommate moved out. And one of my very oldest friends, Scott, moved to my city. Scott and I had been friends for twenty years. We would NEVER be romantically involved. Being that he'd already dated not one, but two of my best friends, I knew things about him that I shouldn't have. Scott decided he would move in with me. Needless to say, in the middle of our romantic vacation, DB decided to let me know that if that were to happen, we were through. So, because I was so broken down, after the death of two members of my immediate family, and my ex-boyfriend all in the first 4 months of the year, I relented. I let DB move in with me. And then the bottom slowly began to crack. Things in my life were still pretty chaotic. DB would always come through with just the right thing to keep me hanging on. He paid to have my demo recorded in the late spring. It of course coincided with the day of my ex-boyfriend, turned dear friend's wedding. It was "the only day the studio was available." That, much like most things that he told me, was a lie. Then my birthday rolled around. I was starting to have some weird feelings about DB. Certain stories would come up that just didn't add up. I loved him, but deep down had concerns. He surprised me with a scavenger hunt for my actual birthday. I ended up at the spot of our first date. When I got there, my stomach dropped. I realized that he was going to propose. There I stood while he got down on his knee and recited his well-rehearsed speech. Any stranger would have thought it so sweet. It felt forced, but then again, what do you tell a man when he's gone to such trouble and you think you love him. You say yes. Yet when I said that little word, I could feel my heart screaming inside.

And then the bottom completely fell out. I came home one afternoon soon after the engagement. I'd told DB that I wanted to be engaged for eighteen months since our relationship was still very new. He would try to get me to move the wedding up. We'd even gotten a realtor and had begun looking at houses. My friends all still seemed happy for me, but I could tell that several of them weren't over the moon. I got home from work one day and DB was acting odd. He had fallen and hit his head earlier in the week and had a mild concussion. I thought it was due to that. He became very angry and proceeded to storm out of the house. I noticed he had been drinking, and begged him to calm down. He left anyway. I called his father, a policeman, and drove out to find him. When I got home, he was sitting on the porch. He immediately charged at the car. The window was down, and he grabbed my arm through the door. I flung the door open and bolted for the house. I slammed the door and locked it. I frantically called his father again, and he said he'd be there in less than 5 minutes. DB began pounding on the door. And then he broke it off the hinges. And I went into survival mode. I threw all my weight into the door. And even after he broke a huge hole in the door and was trying to rip me through it, I fought. His dad got there just in time. He took me inside and calmed me down. I had to bolt my door back on the frame using 2x4s from the garage. My dog escaped during the ordeal, and thankfully I found her. I was scared, alone, and shaken to my core.

That's when the light went off. I began to piece all the lies together.

DB came crawling to our door the next day and apologized. I didn't really know what to do at this point because I was so scared of him. I knew if I tried to kick him out, he'd try to kill me. And so I did the unthinkable. I lived with him for another 3 weeks while I dug through his life and discovered that the man I lived with and was engaged to was a complete fraud. I listened to the still, small voice of wisdom inside of me and did a thorough background check on DB. It turns out that wasn't even his real name. It had been changed, along with that of his entire family. And then I found his marriage certificate. It turned out that his ex-girlfriend was actually his ex-wife. And she went to my church. So, doing what any brave woman in this situation would do, I called her. And she actually called me back. And we met for coffee. In my heart, I knew what would come next. She had never changed her name after the divorce. I prayed that I wasn't right, but when she arrived, she came with the photos of the small child. And I wept. He had verbally and emotionally abused his wife and left her when she was pregnant. And he had nothing to do with the baby. And as I sat in shock across the table, and she produced copies of all the court documents, I became more and more terrified of my safety. She unraveled all of his lies. He lied about his family, his schooling, his jobs, his cars; his entire life story was an ENTIRE lie. And I felt like a fool.

And so I hatched an escape plan. I contacted my mom, my landlord, and three very close friends. I planned my speech. I arranged for several people to be there. I packed a bag while he wasn't home, and I took enough things to a friend's house where he would never know I'd be. I arranged for a new door to be installed, and I had a friend keep my dog. I had to live in the same house with this evil stranger for 10 more days until my new door could be installed. I had no way of protecting my belongings or getting the locks changed before then. Those were some of the worst days of my life.

The day came for me to tell him. I went home like most days. I went in the house. I told him we needed to talk and then I told him that I knew about the wife and child. I unraveled his web of stories piece by piece. And then I took off my engagement ring and threw it in his face. I told him to gather a few things and leave. I explained that I would pack any of his other belongings in boxes and leave them on the curb. His friends or family could come get them, but that if he ever came near my property I would have him arrested. My landlord was there to back me up. It didn't hurt that he's 6' 5" and weighs at least 250. He went into a frenzy and proceeded to attempt to swallow an entire bottle of aspirin and half a bottle of vodka. And he drove off. He left owing me money, my pride, my tender heart, and any love I had left. I decided that the money wasn't worth it if I wanted to recapture any of the other things he took from me.

And so after many letters and calls, I changed my numbers, addresses, websites; everything that could be revamped, was. My mail is now forwarded to my new location, and he's thankfully not been able to track me down. It's been 5 1/2 months since I walked out the door. Things have gotten a little easier everyday. He's the main reason that my 2009 was such a disaster. That and losing so many people I loved. I wake up every morning and thank God that I read all those Nancy Drew books as a child and that I had enough sense to listen to my reservations and actually dig into his past. My mom tells me that I saved myself, but I know it was divine intervention.

It will take me a long time to trust someone again. I don't know if I'll ever date a complete stranger. I like knowing where people come from after all that I went through. I do know that I have never been happier than when the final seconds of 2009 ticked away. I'm just glad that after all this time, I can finally write about my experience. I sincerely hope that if anyone reads this and is spared a similar fate, I'll be glad that I shared my story.

January 6th: A rant

2010-01-06T13:34:00.002-06:00

So although I didn't set any rules up about how many times I would write in my blog per day, I decided today that I needed two installments. I'm going bananas here at my desk. I literally think I've thought about how to implement world peace because I'm so bored. I mean, why do I work in a job where I'm surrounded by so few people who are on the same plane of intelligence, yet I get stuck doing the most brainless tasks of anyone in the office?!? If I have to type one more thing into a spreadsheet, or file one more dead file, or fix the copier, I'll scream. It's days like today that I want to tell people who swear I'll be famous one day that they are full of it. Maybe I should go home and write a song about bitterness at work.

I know I'm supposed to be patient and take each day as it comes, but it's a little hard right now. I need a door to open soon. I'm desperately praying that God gives me some sort of direction, because I'm tired of feeling bored and listless all day. And then I can't stop thinking about what I should have said to Wes last night. Ugh. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda. It's too late. And it wouldn't have changed anything even if I'd said this list of things. Maybe I should just accept that I can be happy with my dog and living alone. At least I'm not the scary cat lady!

Back to my lovely spreadsheets ... At least I have a haircut to look forward to after work!

Oh wait, my hairdresser just canceled : (

January 5th: It's Complicated

2010-01-05T22:59:00.000-06:00

So even though I was home sick today with a lovely stomach bug, my day managed to be a tad complicated.

I spent a majority of it sleeping or drinking water, and I'm finally feeling better.

Why was it complicated then? Because Wes called. And we talked about what happened this weekend and what we're going to do about this. And the conversation was emotional, and upsetting, and tear-filled. Overall, it was hopeful. Wes admitted that he wasn't sure where these feelings about me are coming from and that he's trying to figure that out. The fact that he's willing to explore that is HUGE. I've waited for 10 years for him to kiss me or tell me he has romantic feelings for me. For him to say that he'll even analyze this is a step. He must break down these walls one brick at a time in order for him to open up to me about any of this.

So, with my brain filled with this new insight, I think I'll head to bed. Good night.

January 4, 2010

2010-01-04T21:16:00.002-06:00

First day back at work for the new year. It was a great reminder of why I've set out to change a few things in my life this year, work being one of those things. I work in the business world, and there were some marked staffing changes at the end of 2009 that greatly affected my duties at work. These changes essentially eliminated the job I was hired to do. So, now I go to work and receive a mish mash of tasks befit for a high school student, and that bore me to pieces. I have literally felt my brain cells evaporating as I sit at work and complete these mindless tasks. I'm just praying the right door opens soon enough that lead me to where I need to be.
And so I find myself asking what it is I exactly want to do. The answer always comes back to my true passion, music. You see I'm a singer. I have no idea why I was chosen to be given such a fantastic talent. I don't deserve it. But the only reason I can see if so that I can bring joy to other people. I sing about love, faith, sorrow, and every emotion the human heart can feel. It's how I get through my life. You'll never get into my car without a song. I sing my way through road trips, and life. Some people tell me that I'm crazy that I want to sing for my career, but I just don't think that God gives people talents like this if they aren't supposed to use them to their full potential.
The problem is that I often feel torn about where the path toward music will lead me. Should I love closer to my family and try for music there? Should I throw caution to the wind and move to Nashville and go for my dreams in the country music industry, or do I follow my heart to be with Wes and see where the music leads there? There just seem to be so many options, and I'm scared that I'll make another poor choice and end up disappointed like I was so much in 2009.
I've gotten advise, I've prayed, I've listened, and I guess it's time for me to be patient. I guess I just feel that I'm running out of time and need to make a choice about where I should move soon. I'm not sure that I'll have a place to live in a few weeks and so my choice may come down to what makes the most sense financially.
If sometimes decisions weren't so tough, but I guess that's what makes life so interesting. Oh delicious ambiguity.

January 3, 2009

2010-01-04T10:47:00.001-06:00

So because I'm trying to make this year be the best and most positive yet, I thought going to church on the first Sunday of the year would be a good idea. It was great to have my soul fed with such great words of wisdom so early in the year. The sermon discussed 'A Hopeful Question' about whether you would choose to lead a spiritually healthy life for 2010. The pastor discussed a parable where Jesus asks a crippled man if he would like to be healed. The pastor discussed how we must be willing to be healed, and ask for help. In other words, you've got to put in some effort in order to get what you want, and what God wants for you, out of life. So many times I've likely failed because I didn't necessarily want to be helped, or wasn't willing to put in any hard work. God gave me SO many great talents and abilities, now I just need to use them.

So, after a great morning at church, I went to lunch with my 'church' family, and then headed to my BFF's house to watch some NFL football. A great way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Our team won, which made it even better (and extends my football season!) I may be pretty girly, but being that my father had no sons, he passed on his love for sports to my sister and I. We both absolutely LOVE football. But hey, in the South, football is considered a religion :)

After that, I headed home, popped in a movie, and went to sleep. A great end to the first weekend of the year. If only I weren't worried about what might happen with my job this week. But hey, that's for another day. Hope everyone has a great week!

January 2, 2010

2010-01-03T00:42:00.001-06:00

So today was filled with lots of mind enhancement. I did a workout video, watched a movie, finished a great book, went to see another movie, then had girls' night in with the neighborhood ladies.

I watched Flags of Our Fathers and It's Complicated. I finished A Time Traveler's Wife. Flags of Our Fathers just reminded me how men can be so profoundly affected by war, and how most are never the same. It was sad.

It's Complicated was hilarious. I laughed out loud many times. It was quite heartwarming too. I just love Meryl Streep. I identified with her character, and it made me long for a family to love and care for, and to feed. I LOVE to cook, and rarely get the chance to anymore.

Finishing A Time Traveler's Wife made me cry. My heart broke for Clare and Alba. How sad to lose your great love and know that he's still out there, but you can't see him. It also made me hopeful that I'll have a great love like that one day.

Girls' Night In was fun as usual. We ate good food, sipped on wine, and conversed about life. I am really blessed to be surrounded by such amazing women.

After a full day, I'm off to bed. I'm loving the new year thus far. Let's hope it stays that way! Good night.

January 1, 2010

2010-01-01T23:07:00.002-06:00

Since I wanted to kick the new year off on a high note, I headed out of town to see my best guy friend in a neighboring city for New Year's Eve. I really wanted to spend the last night of 2009 with someone who loves me almost as unconditionally as my mom does, and this man, who I'll call Wes, fits the bill completely.
Wes and I have been friends since the 6th grade. He's charming, handsome, smart, funny, wildly successful, and so eclectic. He's single. But he doesn't date. He'd be gay if he could bring himself to commit to a relationship, but can't, so he just doesn't have any romantic endeavours. He tells me that I'm the only person he'll truly love. I'm his "constant". He wants to marry me, but I find myself asking whether or not I'd be settling.
Wes is my "soulmate" if I even believe in such a thing. We compliment each other perfectly. We challenge each other. We rarely fight, but when we do it's because there is serious passion in our relationship. I'm just not sure if the chemistry would ever work. Sometime I wonder if it would be easier for me to marry Wes. I love him, and he's my best friend, but is that enough? For now, I've just decided to let it go and let things unfold. I know God will give me the answer eventually.
Even with all the uncertainty, we had a truly great evening. We hung out with one of my college friends at a prom-themed party and rung in the year with party hats, confetti, champagne, and, after 10 years of waiting, our very first kiss. (and yes, there were sparks!)
This morning we headed to the Jewish deli for Challah french toast, and bagels with lox. Yum. A great first meal for the year. I watched the Rose Parade, a little football, then headed back to my city. Went to a New Year's Day party in my neighborhood this evening. We ate some amazing potluck of dishes, played washers in the backyard, talked about our resolutions, and planned our next get together. It was so great to be surrounded by so many friends and feel so loved to start the new year. If it plays out like the first 22 hours, I'll be in great shape and be very happy. Here's to positive thinking! Good night.

And so it begins ...

2009-12-30T11:42:00.000-06:00

Today is the last day of 2009. I'm closing the first decade of my life that I feel I have real memories of in its entirety. I was 18 years old on December 31, 1999, and a freshman in college. Life has changed quite a bit since then. I sat back and thought about many of those changes, some good, some not so good. I think I had an entirely different outlook on life than I do standing here today. I've changed for the better. I've become an independent woman who doesn't just regurgitate the feelings and beliefs of my family or closest friends. I stand by my mantras and don't apologize for them anymore.

The first year and the last year of this decade have many similarities. Both share big changes and tragedies. Both share a sense of being on the brink of something new and exciting. This year, these changes seem much less nerve wracking than they did back in 1999.

I've decided to write about each day of my year in 2010. I want to be able to look back at this year of changes and embrace each victory and disappointment and gauge how I tackled each one. I don't expect my writing to be profound, or even exciting, but it it a project I feel inspired to complete, and I hope that it will give some people a chance to get to know me a little better. You may start to love me more, or even dislike me a little, but I won't be apologizing to anyone. I'm loud, I'm opinionated, and I'm a twenty-something single woman who is ready to swing my bat at whatever pitch is thrown at me next. So, sit back and feel free to join me on my journey. I'm excited to see what this year holds!